Expensive cinema trip ruined

[ExpensiveCinema]

I feel really bad posting this but I can’t discuss this in real life as I will feel guilty but I’m really upset so can people please not attack me!

We are really struggling financially at the moment and I am well into my overdraft and have credit card debts. It was my son’s birthday this week and he wanted to go cinema so we went yesterday and it was very expensive: £48 just on tickets for family of 4 - regular seats not even premium! Food cost around £21. (I know I could have saved this money and got my own but he really wanted the little boxes you get there), £8 parking for the time we were there. We haven’t been to the cinema for over 3 or 4 years so this was a treat.

we sat behind a family with what looked like a 12 or 13 year old boy (not too sure but looked this age) and he was making lots of noise which I ignored as kids obviously can’t stay quiet. I heard someone telling them to be quiet which the mum really loudly shouted “HE’S GOT SEN NEEDS!!”. He continued shouting throughout the entire film and then 10 minutes into it he started kicking my chair really hard! He was sat right behind me. I ignored it for a while then asked my youngest if I could sit in his seat and he could sit in my lap which we did. I could still feel the kicking as it was vibrating into my seat. I turned around and asked the family if he could please stop as it’s giving me a headache. They ignored me and I asked again and was told he’s got needs. My son (birthday boy) was upset as he couldn’t watch the film as they were right behind us. The rest of the family were equally loud talking like they’re at home! We left around 40 minutes into the movie as my son was upset.

I totally feel for any mum with a SEN child but this family did NOTHING to stop him impacting others. I feel guilty spending so much money for my son not to enjoy it. In hindsight we could have gone bowling which would have cost less. I’m interested in what others would have done? Would you grin and bear it as he had needs or say something? I’m glad we left as the atmosphere was really horrible there. Is there any way I could get my money back for the tickets? I know they probably won’t refund food or parking. I feel so unlucky that we were right infront of them and I know they impacted others too but this was supposed to be a treat and not an everyday experience for us.

At our cinema I’ve seen staff ask people to behave and move people around

also it has special screenings for families with Sen needs

I’d have spoken to staff definitely

Email the cinema and explain, see if they’ll give you a gift card to use maybe.

YANBU- it sounds like there were several things the other family could have done to minimise the impact on others- different seats, quieter showing etc.

I don't understand why you didnt speak.to staff. It's frustrating when this happens (and I have SEND child and I am anxious when we go to the cinema that their behaviour will not impact on others)
Could you have moved seats? Even if not sitting together it would have made it a better option than leaving.

Is it an error in your opening post, you say you sat behind the family.

I think it's probably too late now, you should have spoken to a member of staff at the time so they could deal with it.

On a helpful note though,I think if you write and complain about the poor behaviour, they'll probably send you some vouchers for another visit. Ask chat gpt to write a complaints letter for you. X

Sorry to hear it didn't work out. I think it's such a shit thing about struggling financially that when you do spend money there's so much pressure.

Why didn’t you speak to staff, I have received a refund before for a disrupted viewing

Truthfully I didn’t speak because I lack confidence. Yes sorry typo - they sat behind us.i also worry about how they might react. People can be crazy sometimes as you see on social media. Say if they attacked me or my children

I disagree, she can contact the cinema and explain that is was a heard earned treat, that she was being considerate of the other family by not making a scene at the time and ask nicely if they might consider letting them go again for free as they weren't able to see the film

That's a perfectly reasonable request imo

Of course you aren’t being unreasonable. The way others behave in cinemas is why my husband won’t go and watch movies on release any more after one too many experiences like this.
I feel really sorry for anyone managing a child with special needs but equally the family made no attempt to mitigate his or their own impact. You sound like a parent doing their best for their child but also really sensitive to others’ situation.
Hindsight is a wonderful thing but rather than leave I’d have first tried to report this to the cinema manager during the movie and left as a last resort. Obviously this is no help to you now. Perhaps try and contact the cinema and explain the situation and why you didn’t report it at the time due to feeling conflicted about the SEN needs and how to handle it to be fair to everyone. Ask them how them
what you could have done in that situation. It’s a long shot but you may find they offer you another ticket or money off another visit.
I’m really sorry this outing got spoiled and your son was upset. This hurts even more no doubt when that was a big cost to you as a family and trips out are so rare because you’re struggling financially at the moment. I hope the rest of the day was salvaged and there’s light at the end of the tunnel. It’s absolutely awful when you are struggling to make ends meet but equally things can change for the better very quickly too. Lots of love.

Agree, and OP loses absolutely nothing by asking, the worst that can happen is that they say no.

Exactly. The staff would undoubtedly have been understanding and asked if you wanted tickets for another screening. Inconvenient, but better than not enjoying the film at all.

Thank you everyone and I’m glad you all agree he should have been more managed by the family. I’m going to email the cinema now and see if they can do anything. There is a number on the website but when I tried this morning there was just an automated message and I couldn’t speak to a person.

Too late now but the staff are there for this reason. I can’t imagine what it’s like being a Sen parent but they behave appallingly, expecting everyone to put up with that kind of disturbance. Most cinemas have Sen screenings for this reason

I've known people to be given refunds when a film has bern ruined like this.

Good luck! Please let us know how you get on!

I’m sorry your son’s visit was ruined. Email the cinema now and see if they can offer another viewing.

I have SEN children and the reality is that you miss out on lots of things because they cannot join in and it’s not acceptable for anyone else being around. Don’t feel put off because the child has SEN and do speak to staff. It doesn’t have to be a complaint as you are asking them what they can do to accommodate both families. Most cinemas have SEN sessions so there are alternatives.

Unless it’s an independent Cinema, it can be impossible to get through by phone. I anticipate you’ll have to email. All the best x

I would have moved to the premium seats and if challenged by the staff I would have told them why and said either we sit here or we will accept a full refund please.

It may be more difficult to try and get a refund now if you didn't ask at the time but I hope you do. So annoying for you when you've spent money on a rare treat. Annoying for your son as it spoilt part of his birthday. And the poor SEN kid who was overwhelmed and distressed, what were his parents thinking?

If anyone should've left it should've been them, as they were interrupting you all and others, whilst that kid has needs, he clearly can't sit to watch a movie, and if he is kicking chairs then his mum should be more responsible of stopping this behaviour or taking him away. As you left not saying anything and no staff were aware, you can only now email the cinema and explain what had happened and ask for a refund as you ended up leaving and that it ruined your son's birthday treat. You should look for cinema discounts next time or a different venue as this one sounds very pricey.

@honeylulu i wish I had the confidence to do that! On another note how can I get confident enough to be able to handle these situations please? I could have made the evening better if I had in hindsight done this

That is really upsetting but you didn't give the cinema the opportunity to help. Leaving the showing and getting your tickets rebooked (no additional charge) for a different showing would have been appropriate but unlikely to happen now as you left the building without telling them.

It's important for the family with additional needs to be able to access things with reasonable adjustments. Spoiling your family's day is not a reasonable adjustment. The parent should have spoken to staff to ensure they could sit in an area where the child's behaviour can't ruin other people's experiences.

Would it be possible to do something at home like have a film night with the birthday child's favourite film that you can access and their favourite dinner etc

I think our job as parents is not about giving them the perfect experiences but also showing them skills like making the best of things and problem-solving. You showed patience and compassion towards the SEN-child family and if you have a go at contacting the cinema it teaches standing up for yourselves.

It's easy to say you could've got someone in the moment but I don't think the cinema should completely abdicate all responsibility to the customers for making sure nothing crazy is going on in a screen.

I would've moved to the other seats to be honest, I can't see how staff would even notice but if they did, I'd tell them the reason why.

I've been in a similar position but the parents of the child with SN, were very apologetic - mortified actually.

I told them it was fine and that I preferred the seat I was moving to.

how was he kicking your chair when you say you were sat behind them?