Am I the mug? Emma Bridgewater saga...

[NoMoreMsPushover]

A couple of months ago, took DP and DP's sister to the Emma Bridgewater Factory in Stoke. Bloody brilliant day. Made me proud to be British, and really enjoyed learning about the Victorian history of pottery in Stoke. Can't wait to go back.

It was a day out for DP's sister's birthday. She's usually great. But am a bit peeved, to be quite honest, that my birthday came and went a few weeks ago, and nary a message received by me - on my big day (it was a milestone birthday), or after.

AIBU to be expecting at least a little thought? Or am I being taken for a mug? Especially after I paid for her to paint a custom Emma Bridgewater mug? Not sure how to feel about it all...

Thanks loves.

He got you a hoover for a big birthday? I'm sorry that's appalling a DVD does not suffice. What did he get you for Christmas, an iron? Raise your bar, you give excellent presents, you recieve dross...

If my husband did the is I would be filling in the online divorce form and telling him he should return the fucking hoover as he will be needing the cash

It's also on Netflix and I think Prime......I know not everyone has these but most people I know do. Also Love, Actually was on both normal TV and Netflix. Crap film but I got my Alan Rickman fix.

My DS and fiancé (who adores Emma Bridgwater) went. Trust me my DS has about as much interest in pottery as I have in quantum physics. He found it absolutely fascinating before he went he thought it was clay in one end of a machine and over priced machine made/painted mugs plates bowls etc out the other untouched by human hands. But that is not true they still hand throw some of it and paint stuff by hand. He also enjoyed making his own mug.

@PhantomAfternoonTeawas on a thread yesterday being an absolute prat too.

A domestic appliance is not a birthday gift. If you need to replace one, it should come out of the shared household budget. Your DP sounds mean as hell I'm afraid.

I wish you were my SIL. I’ve been to the factory and absolutely loved it. Totally get it. Loved the tour too.
Yes both of them should have made more effort!

I don’t care about your SIL but DH and I took a short break to stoke and visited the great pottery throw down place and DH visited an amazing shop selling all things pottery. We also went round the ceramic museum. A great short break.

I don't know the dates of any in laws birthday's. Are you supposed to?

This reminds me of the first Christmas after I'd met my partner, so about 14 years ago.

I spent an absolute fortune on his sister. An expensive River Island coat she wanted, a handbag, and (this is the bit which later really annoyed me) a personalised make up bag and wine glass from one of those companies which do a cartoon of you, plus your name. AND I had just had a miscarriage (which she knew about) a few weeks earlier so wasn't feeling up to much of anything, but I am usually very stoic so just got on with things.

Imagine my hurt then, when I got absolutely nothing from her - not even a Christmas card. She bought my partner a lottery ticket, but rather than presenting the ticket itself, she wrote the numbers on a piece of paper. Guessing that if the ticket won, she'd have kept it.

We decided then and there to stop buying for his siblings, and we now just buy for his parents, and his siblings' children.

I totally hear you. It's so hurtful.

I just wouldn't bother with her in future - don't buy a thing

Did you want a hoover? Isn't it just to replace the broken one that he can't use because he's no good at it?

So he can't Hoover due to a previous back injury? A back injury that doesn't stop him going to the gym on your birthday?

Hmmmm.

Do not marry a man who buys you domestic appliances as birthday presents.

It’s often easier to see it at a bit of a distance than up close. That’s why you’ve seen the issue with your sil but not as clearly with your dp

Takers don’t become givers, they just keep taking. That isn’t to say you should stop being a giver, because the world needs lovely people like you. But you need to understand what you’re dealing with.

Book yourself a belated birthday trip op. Just spend whatever you might have spent on your dp and sil’s upcoming events, and you can send them a moonpig card instead.

Put yourself first op, and I mean this. Really practice it, until it becomes second nature. Once you get used to being treated decently by someone, it’s hard to accept shabby treatment any more.

I'd love a day out at the EB factory, I've got a dresser full of it and a cupboard full of mugs. It's a very thoughtful gift OP, and it's pretty shit that your SIL didn't even get you a card for your birthday. I would be making sure that she knows you were responsible for that day out and that you felt a little upset that you didn't even get a card in return.

I can only assume she forgot. Or didn't realise how you felt about the Emma Bridgewater thing.

It seems like a day out you enjoyed yourself, rather than one she instigated. Obviously it was lovely for you to pay for her mug. But I don't do things like that in the hope of getting anything in return.

There's a chance she'll invite you to something in the future to reciprocate though. I'd hope.
Just because it hasn't happened on your birthday doesn't mean she won't think to do something nice for you.

If she is just not very generous then I guess you just act accordingly.

The Stoke Potteries were an important part of the Industrial Revolution in Great Britain and Ireland, from which the whole world benefited. So yes, I think that the OP is justified in feeling proud to be British and of that part of our history, on this occasion.

It’s shit OP when you put effort into others birthdays and they can’t be arsed with yours. Thing is I am so easy to please a bottle of wine and a card and I am happy. I got Molton brown set for my sister in law for her birthday day and always get something nice for my brother. I didn’t have my b day acknowledged.

Firstly, sending you a really happy birthday.
secondly, a vacuum cleaner for any birthday is absolutely dreadful. And for a milestone birthday it’s awful. (I say this with full disclosure my own DH bought me a toaster for my birthday before we were married. He was horrified when people said “you bought her WHAT?!” But what they didn’t know was that I really wanted that particular one and it was really really expensive.)
my family once completely messed up Mother’s Day and I honestly went crazy because I go all out on birthdays and I matched their energy on Father’s Day. They have NEVER undervalued me again.
It’s also not about the gift but the fact he’s gone to the gym on your milestone day. I hope this is a ploy and he’s setting sth up for later - if he hasnt, don’t suffer in silence and tell him straight. And if he hasnt redeemed himself by now, on his birthday by him some car mats, a set of screwdrivers and bugger off out for brunch with your friends. Do NOTHING.
I find that approach had the desired impact in my household.

ON YOUR BIRTHDAY, a milestone birthday, YOURE COOKING DINNER??????
lose this one

Absolutely this

Every word of this.

Did a day trip from London to Stoke had a great day museums etc and the Emma Bridgewater factory they had some great bargains in the factory seconds

I live in Stoke. The EB factory is amazing and great for our city. Gorgeous factory shop and tea room too.

Proud plug for the Potteries.

Do you bang the drum for your own birthday? I don't and that means often other people forget and that's ok. My SIL is the sort who will send round a message to everyone saying its her birthday coming up in a few weeks and what do people want to do, I have friends like this too. I think if you don't actively remind people then they will forget, its not great but its unlikely to be deliberately done to snub you.