DH is in one of his random moods. Drives me fucking mad

[YankeeDoodleBambi]

DH came home from work at 12:30 - absolutely fine, chatty, pleasant… all good. We had lunch then I went out to hair dressers, got back at 3:30 and just like that, he’s now in a mood. Snapping, can’t be arsed to talk, picking arguments, grumpy …

Of course he says nothing is wrong.

These random moods are doing my fucking head in. Literally no rhyme or reason for it and it happens regularly (at least once a week).

I’m peri-menopausal so I’m likely to blow a fuse if he carries on. Same thing happened 3 weeks ago just after Christmas - he went in a random mood and started picking arguments and I lost it and ended up going nuclear on him. I’m not proud of it but I didn’t apologise either - normally I just put up with this shit but I’m finding i just can’t let it go lately!

Can anyone resonate and did you ever find out what the random moods were about?

(also, anyone found their tolerance for bullshit massively decreased during peri??)

He sounds like a right twat.

Ignore him.
Time to move into another bedroom and give him the space he obviously needs.
Then think about what you want.
Absent your house as much as possible.
Arrange to be elsewhere.
Stop all shopping and cooking, sort yourself out.
Do it for longer each time he decides to strop and not use his words.
This is most effective.

Being randomly moody to a perimenopausal woman is an extremely dangerous game to play. We don’t have oestrogen to humour that nonsense anymore.

I'd get fed up of that really quickly.

What was he doing in those three hours? If he's looking after toddler quadruplets while spring cleaning the entire house, I'd say he has a point.

Yea I think I need to do this, it’s annoying me that he’s bringing out a side to me I don’t like. I’m not the kind of person who loses their shit and goes off on a rage yet he’s managing to turn me into one.

Playing computer games

Thank you, this makes me feel a bit better - at least it’s not just me. I feel like I’m going nuts

Why not just leave him to his mood?

You can't manage his feelings for him. If he tries to pick a fight, point out what he's doing but don't participate.

If he's having mood swings on a regular basis, maybe he needs a mental health screening.

You say you don't like this side to you but I see it as peri has allowed you to see how ridiculous and rude he is so your responding the joke that is his behaviour don't feel bad for being annoyed by something that is out of order

Does it happen after you’ve done something for yourself? Been out of the house? What’s he picking arguments over?

I’m peri-menopausal so I’m likely to blow a fuse if he carries on

So you get to express your rage but he doesn't get to be grumpy?

Being in random grumpy moods is part and parcel of being human. If someone you know is in a mood it's best to just leave them to it. If he was playing games he probably lost at them. DP knows to give me space if I lose one of my league tennis matches!

Have you previously pandered to his moods? Because it could be that peri is just meaning that where you might once have tiptoed around him or made his life a little nicer in the hopes it would jolt him out of a mood, now you are prepared to launch him into space.

Take no shit.

Difference is my rage is a direct response to his behaviour towards me. I don’t just come home and randomly start raging at him for no reason. He is randomly being snappy and argumentative with me for no reason. World of difference.

Very accurate! I’ve always pandered but I feel like those days are gone now. I’m ready for war 😂

I’ve got in the bath to avoid confrontation - see I’m not going out to be an aggressor here.

He may well have a reason, though, just one that you're not aware of.

I bet he’s losing and that’s setting him off. Pathetic.

Then he can use his words and explain that the mood is nothing to do with OP.

Yes, fine if he uses his words and says 'Im just pissed off because I've lost at my computer game'

But the gatekeeping of the special information of WHY that he knows, that OP cannot know because it's special secret information ('Im fine' when he's clearly not) is so fucking infuriating.

Hopefully, when you've lost at tennis you simply say that's what's happened, everyone understands, gives you space & gets on with their lives?

I didn't say he can't - I was just trying to point out that he may well have a reason for being in a mood (whether that's justifiable or not).

Then he might want to try being a grown up and using his words

It’s not justifiable - if you’ve got a face on and are directly that directly at another person then you tell them why. Can’t be arsed with these stupid mind games anymore, he can either say what’s wrong or fuck off somewhere else to be in a mood.

I said his mood might be justifiable, not his behaviour.

This is why living with just cats is highly recommended 😁

I got divorced long before I hit menopause but PPs are right; once the oestrogen has gone you no longer tolerate shitty behaviour that you used to.

Christ don't do this. Grow the fuck up and talk to him like an adult!