DH is in one of his random moods. Drives me fucking mad

[YankeeDoodleBambi]

DH came home from work at 12:30 - absolutely fine, chatty, pleasant… all good. We had lunch then I went out to hair dressers, got back at 3:30 and just like that, he’s now in a mood. Snapping, can’t be arsed to talk, picking arguments, grumpy …

Of course he says nothing is wrong.

These random moods are doing my fucking head in. Literally no rhyme or reason for it and it happens regularly (at least once a week).

I’m peri-menopausal so I’m likely to blow a fuse if he carries on. Same thing happened 3 weeks ago just after Christmas - he went in a random mood and started picking arguments and I lost it and ended up going nuclear on him. I’m not proud of it but I didn’t apologise either - normally I just put up with this shit but I’m finding i just can’t let it go lately!

Can anyone resonate and did you ever find out what the random moods were about?

(also, anyone found their tolerance for bullshit massively decreased during peri??)

Someone upthread asked if he has these moods after you've done something for yourself without him. My ex was like this with the random moods. He had me trained to appease him for a good few years until I decided 'fuck this shit'. You don't have to put up with a narky partner, OP. Life without a grumpy old git is lovely, as many of us on here can attest.

I’ve tried that - he either acts confused saying nothing is wrong - laughs and makes a sarcastic comment or tries the whole gaslighting bullshit - which incidentally is what caused my blow up last time. If there’s one thing I can’t stand it’s attempted gas lighting. I say attempted as it doesn’t work on me. I will not be told I’ve said something if I havnt and I will not be told I feel a certain way when I don’t.

TFIS!

Do you honestly want to stay in this relationship?

Any mates around tonight OP? I’d go out and leave him to it.

Leave then you're clearly not happy and can't sort it out by talking to him.

Don't stay and sulk for the next 10 years!

What's TFIS?

How many times a week do you say "peri"?

Did he have to stop playing games or felt like he had to stop when you returned home? He could have just been enjoying the alone time - and he could do as he pleases.

He's having an affair and had an argument with OW whilst you were out.

Or he's just a knobhead

The affair would also make him a knobhead, so there’s no OR needed. He’s just a knobhead.

I lost my shit big fucking time when my DH had one of his moody, passive aggressive, grumpy days on for NO REASON, that ruined a night out I was going out on. He had done this about 2 dozen times over about a 7-8 year period....

I snapped.

I screamed at him that he's a fucking cunt, and I am SICK of his fucking shit, and his moaning and his moods, and he'll be lucky if I fucking come back! (About 15 years ago, both early-mid 40s at the time, I had just had enough of him. The cunt.)

Anyway, he was like And he shut up. Not proud of my rage and language, but I just lost my shit. It's like he was doing it on purpose to ruin my fun/good times... I glared at him as I left the house. Didn't speak to him when I got back in. He tried talking to me, I told him to fuck off. Went to bed in the spare bedroom. Refused to speak to him the next day.

He kept saying sorry and asking me to forgive him and said 'I can't help it if I feel low and blue.' I said 'oh fuck off will you. It's only with ME that you feel 'low' and 'blue,' and it's like you want to ruin a nice thing that's about to happen, like something I have planned and looked forward to. I am sick of you. Sick of you making me feel like shit, sick of you sabotaging things that should be enjoyable with your mardy face, your grumpiness, and your arsey attitude - often for no reason - and sick of you controlling my moods. I can't stick you any more...'

He was like a different person after that. Still has his moments. (As do I.) Neither of us are perfect. But he rarely has these moody days/moody times now. If he had carried on, I can honestly say I wouldn't have stayed with him.

tl;dr sorry @YankeeDoodleBambi went off on one there. You need to tell him to fucking STOP, or he'll lose you, coz you're sick of his childish moods, and if it carries on, you're done!

.

My husband does this. I notice if I start acting really moody and ignore him, then he will change and ask me what is wrong🤔We have a lot of long chats about this behaviour, as it makes me feel he is not happy at home (which he denies).

It's fine to be in a mood.... it's NOT fine to take it out on everyone else.

As Lily Allen once said 'your shit's yours to fix".

That's abusive behaviour nothing to be proud of.

Depends on if I'm going to Nando's that week.

It’s actually reactive abuse. Perfectly understandable after 7-8 years of putting up with his emotional abuse.

It's a stretch calling being grumpy emotional abuse

I don’t think it is.

Cool.

Was it because you did something for you? (the haircut)
Does he think you had it done to impress a man?
Is he mad you spent ££?
none of the above justify his mood.... If I
went anywhere without the dc exh fumed.
..
Exh..

It's not - especially when that "grumpiness" is only directed at your spouse.

He really does x

It’s not actually bad here, pretty mild.

My ex was like that. I’d have to guess what i’d done. In your situation, i’d have guessed it was because I was too long in the hairdresser. Once he didn’t speak to me for 6wks. We have been split 15yrs now and are friends still, but when he tried ignoring our teen son on a holiday I few years ago I blew a gasket with him as I was not having my son have the same silent treatment. It’s abusive and not on. He did seem to take it on board and underneath he isn’t a horrible person, just seems to have silent treatment as his go to mechanism when someone annoys him. I couldn’t live like that.