To think we should get the best room in a villa?

[hwange]

We’re going away as a family to celebrate two birthdays: my husband’s 60th and our son’s 30th. There will be five adults: me, my husband, our two sons (30 and 28) and older son’s partner.

We’ve rented a five-bedroom holiday house. The plan is:

• One room for me and my husband
• One room for our older son and his girlfriend
• One room for our younger son
• Two smaller spare rooms

Everyone is paying an equal share, and our older son’s girlfriend organised the whole booking.

All the bedrooms are nice, but one is clearly the best (great view and a fancy bed), one is also very good, and one is more basic but has a small kitchen.

What’s the fairest way to decide who gets which room?

This

In most families the 60ish couple would be likely to be financially more secure than the 30ish couple. Later career stages, mortgage paid off etc. It would be nice where that's the case for them to contribute more which could perhaps come with the better room. Where all are contributing equally if the 30 something couple are stretching themselves more I think that's another reason they should get the better room. Or at least first refusal.

It’s literally the thread title - aibu to think we should get the best room. HTH

It would seem fairest to give the organiser first dibs of room. It's easy to underestimate the time and effort out into researching and organising. It's got 5 bedrooms too, so a range of choice for the group.

I get what others are saying about it being respectful to offer best/biggest room to the older generation. But surely that's hand in hand with the senior couple usually "hosting" either by funding, subsidising and/or organising the trip. Here they have not done those things. (Or being the person/couple being celebrated/treated for a special birthday or anniversary, but here there are two birthday people so that doesn't work either.)

Personally I'd be willing to step aside from the nicest room if someone else wanted it and there was a suitable alternative for me, as I'm just not bothered about spending a lot of time in the room in holiday - it's just for sleeping changing and showering. Who knows, the GF might feel the same.

Why not suggest the organiser allocates the rooms and see what transpires.

So then I’m not sure they can argue they get the best room due to culture but not put their hands in their pockets.

It’s the title of the thread!

This, you said it better than me.

I mean, the progenitors of the two younger men are the OP and DH so by your logic they have the same claim.

If I was booking for myself/partner and parents I’d either find a property with more “equal” bedrooms, or else give the nicer one to my parents/parents in law. Don’t consider myself excessively generous but I just think that’s the way things are done. Wouldn’t feel comfortable giving the less nice room to someone I’m close to, certainly not a close older relative like parents/parents in law (only exception being if perhaps I was paying for the whole thing as a treat, but even then it’d feel a bit weird). Clearly a pretty minority way of thinking these days though, apart from me and my partner!

I have a neural-based disability which makes standing painful for any length of time; but aside from that... I would offer my seat to an actual elderly person or somebody clearly disabled or vulnerable; but it wouldn't actually occur to me to offer my seat to an apparently healthy and able-bodied 60yo person - and I'm guessing that many of them would feel very insulted if I did, and it would ruin their day!

Where do you draw the line? Should a 30yo offer their seat on a packed train to somebody looks around 40?! Should the 30yo expect the 20yo to offer them their seat?!

I think the real question is why the OP didn’t organize it ? And does she actually get on with her son’s girlfriend-I expect it’ll be a tense holiday

Yes I would say the organiser gets it especially with it being her partners birthday. Maybe they could offer it to the parents to be polite- but parents should decline imo.

Why do you think you should get the best room OP? Genuinely curious.

Nope, your son and his partner get the best room.

Same here. I think given it's a parents 60th, the organising is part of the gift. You can't demand it, of course, but I would definitely give the best room to the most senior big birthday guest. :)

its also the sons 30th and the op and her husband are not contributing.

I'm 60. I have a hidden disability that makes standing difficult. However I would never expect someone to give me their seat and equally I would give my seat to someone more obviously in need. I wouldn't be in any way insulted if you did offer though. I might accept if it was a bad day.

I do recall being very heavily pregnant, so really obvious, heading towards a vacant seat at a kids' activity and being practically knocked over by another woman trying to get to the seat ahead of me. The only thing I wouldn't do at this stage is let anyone, pregnant or not, ahead of me in the queue to a toilet. Believe me, post-menopause, my need is greater than theirs. I used to let them ahead of me when I was younger with more effective pelvic floor muscles.

30 is a significant birthday in my opinion.

Having gone through all of those I felt the move from my twenties to thirties much more than from thirties to forties or any other decade.

50's to 60's is more significant. I've done both.

That said, I would agree with you that both arer significant birthdays.

30 is at least as significant as 21, 40 or 60.

Agree 18 is more significant, as is pension age, but otherwise they’re really all just numbers.

And I don’t understand why people still consider 21 to be a “big” birthday.

I don’t really see a ranking of significance like you do here.

for me, parents get best room, parents host and organise and pay majority of costs, including for birthday boy.

parents do nothing, then parents treated as equals.

I cant understand all the fuss about wanting ' the best' bedroom tbh. As long as the room is meeting your needs it's ok.
After all you wouldnt normally be spending much time there.

Your son and his partner get the best room as she has done all the donkey work. Its only fair. Why on earth do you feel you should get it? Because you are the oldest? Nope, sorry, the only fair outcome here is they get first dibs of the rooms. Surely as long as you have a nice room and it meets your needs then what the hell does it matter?

If it were amongst our family, definitely the elders would get the best room no question about it. It would be about recognition of their seniority, being mum and dad, significant birthday, and well, just the right thing to do!

But we don't worry about all these sort of shenanigans. Instinct would tell us what's right. But then again we are a loving and fair family who don't sweat the small stuff. And if that sounds smug or you don't agree, well that's on you.

It's also the son's birthday.

I’m actually going to go against the grain and say while it’s usually the organiser who gets the best room, I think the Birthday guy should have the best room as it’s a Milestone birthday. But I’d probably let the organiser offer it first tbh!