to call of my wedding...

[SmallShips]

As my partner has pooed himself in public, infront of his work mates, after one too many. I am revolted, absolutely revolted..

hes not got any reason to accidentely poo himself, would never post it if he had, In the same breath i dont think it was forced, gag, more too much drink made him unaware that his fart was more than a fart.

Is it possible that either his mates are winding you up or that they slipped him some laxatives for 'a laugh'?

I think I'd be angrier about him not coming home or letting you know he's OK, tbh.

does he take drugs people have said on coke they feel the sensation to poo themselves, its sooo wrongdont do it how embarrasing

not on coke i hope, hes in the forces so is drug tested quite often!

no i just wondered not accusing, my t*t of an ex pissed on mwe once in bed oh was fuming

urghh, after last nights events, he wont be sleeping in our bed when drunk, who knows what could happen. And if he doesnt ring or show up soon, he wont be sleeping in our bed ever again.

yucky thread

This is the funniest thread ever - PMSL at the elf picture - was feeling really miserable this morning as overdue and in pain with SPD so as much as it's horrid for you, try and think of the amount of pleasure you have brought your fellow mumsnetters! I hope he comes home soon minus the poo caked oufit!

I have just read through this thread - oh you have made me laugh this morning.

I am for you though SmallShips.

Has he got in touch yet?

Amberc i am glad to have cheered you up lol, you're all helping me keep my ever rising anger with him under control with your funny posts.

not in touch yet. grrrr

Have you tried calling him?

I quote 'he dressed as an elf (not sure why) so i think the pub may have noticed the stinking elf shitting himself in the corner'

[grin - I am sitting here, head flung back, tears pouring down my face - that is the funniest thing I've ever read

yes, he doesnt pick up, have even texted his boss, which makes me look like a deranged woman, no reply. If hes not in touch by 12, i may be forced to ring the military police and tell them the whole hideous tale. Anyone in Portsmouth today, if you see a slightly very smelly, soiled elf on your journies, please point him towards the Isle of Wight ferry.

Surely Quote of the week must come from this thread?
Pmsl!
A shitting elf.

Its getting quite late for him not to be answering his calls. Has it occured to you that the shame might be so bad that he has assumed a false identity and is trying to leave the country. I'd alert the air ports if I were you!

he wouldnt have the sense to get changed Jessie, he would be spotted and most likely arrested for public indecentcy.

Oh this is the funniest story I have ever seen on MN. Although seriously SS i hope he turns up soon.

If it is any consolation my dh sh*t the bed when we were on holiday once (allegedly food poisoning but a large quantity of 3Euro a litre wine can't have helped). I woke up to a major kerfuffle with him dropping the sheet he had just handwashed off the balcony.

Funnily enough he used to be in the Royal Navy too

dropping it off the balcony?? LOL. Must be a sailor thing, on my old ship, we had an mystery pooer- he used to poo in peoples work shoes after a night out. You'd think i'd be used to this.

SmallShips, I hope, for your sake, that he never turns up.

In people's shoes? Perhaps my cat used to be in the navy too.

He was trying to hang it out to dry from the balcony. At 3am. It landed in a skip conveniently located below our balcony and he scuttled out (naked!) to go and retrieve it.

No shame.

omg he's in my garden

eeeeeewwwww, my ex was in the army (which I know is different, but they used to piss in each others pints and stuff and all sorts of weird stuff so maybe shitting in an elf costume isn't that bad!

ROFL

BTW - I think you should call off your wedding. Not because if the poo but because he is 1 carat b*stard.