Wasn't allowed to use disabled toilet despite the fact no other toilet was available. AIBU?

[fakenamefornow]

Seaside town with beach that stretches about 1.5 miles away from town centre with just flats and houses facing beach, ie no pubs or cafés that might let me use the toilet. It's about 10am rainy January morning, nobody else about apart from about two/three people and dogs on the beach.
Half way along on seafront is a public toilet block. Both mens and womens shuttered up and locked. Disabled toilet, locked, had a phone number to call for remote access so they could let people in. Called number and despite me pleading that I was desperate for the loo (I was) and pointing out no others available, I was refused absolutely point blank access because I wasn't disabled.
I don't think this is fair at all, but what do others think?
YANBU - she should have let you in.
YABU - no way should she have let you in regardless of how much you needed the loo.

It does, in the third of the row of smaller pictures in that link. You can see the grab bars, cistern and the rest of the toilet, not in full view, but it's there.

When you say “make sure there are facilities available” for sudden urges and incontinence, what do you actually mean? Do you mean that people with these medical issues should self-exclude from public life because there are no toilets for them? Because that is what is happening, and it’s crazy. 2026 and we’re happy for thousands of already marginalised people to miss out on public amenities because of sheer mean-spiritedness and penny pinching.

I would, for the record, happily pay more council tax if the money were ring fenced for toilet provision. It’s not optional.

Well I would disagree and for once it is great that facilties for disabled people, those with actual disabilities and possibly blue badges are actually being protected.

do you have a radar key? I’d get one, you can buy them for a few quid off Amazon or eBay. I got mine when I was having symptoms that turned out to be Crohn’s disease. If you need to go often then you ARE as far as an accessible toilet is concerned disabled. The fact they wouldn’t let you is a disgrace.

No, I mean like everyone with an issue be it medical or whatever if you need something you plan ahead and go where provision is available.

If any lock is broken it’s a problem. Nothing to do with how radar keys work.

This is not a radar lock then.

Where do you think disabled people get radar keys from? You don’t get one in some sort of ‘welcome to the disability club’ pack. We buy them. Online usually.

So you absolutely do mean self-exclusion, then. “Go where provision is available” means NOT going to local beaches/parks/other public amenities where toilets are locked or not provided. You said it, at least have the courage to own it.

People with continence issues can’t plan ahead, that’s the whole point. The urge to go happens when it happens. The only way to be able to ‘plan ahead’ is to never leave the house if they aren’t able to use accessible toilets. Even thought accessible toilets are there, in part SPECIFICALLY for people with continence issues.
this is the most backwards arguement I’ve ever read. You are saying people who need the toilets shouldn’t use them, in order for them to be free for people who need them.

make it make sense, fgs.

If someone has a medical issue resulting in incontinence then accessible toilets are absolutely for them. Someone like OP who just has the urge to use the loo while out and finds the standard facilities locked doesn’t have the same entitlement. That’s not what these facilities are there for, and instead of complaining that no-one would allow access to facilities not meant for her, OP should be concentrating on lobbying for adequate provision of standard toilets.

“Desperate to pee” isn’t a protected characteristic. There was no discrimination here.

OP has a continence issue. Are you actually saying people like me with a hidden disability shouldn’t be using disabled toilets because I don’t look disabled? You don't need to flash your blue badge, look disabled or have to disclose your disability to use a disabled toilet for goodness sake. The OP has said they have continence issues, the toilet was empty, there was no queue.

@fakenamefornow did they ask you to disclose if you had a disability to them on the phone?

Yep. I bought mine on Amazon, three in a pack, they've worked every time, thank fuck. I'm glad I didn't have to prove my cripple credentials to any self appointed gatekeepers in order to be able to take a piss in dignity. It's bad enough having our savings wiped out by having to buy wheelchairs, ramps, stair lifts, walk in bath etc. Life is shit enough without people quibbling over who should or shouldn't have to prove they qualify for a bloody radar key.

They have priority to be the next person in. Even disabled people sometimes have to queue for the toilets. When I’m queuing to use the disabled toilet I will often tell someone who is clearly in desperate need to go before me if I don’t have an urgent need myself. Because I have a brain and common sense. Being disabled doesnt mean never having to wait to use the loo, fgs.

I have continence issues and a stoma, and I can assure you I absolutely do plan ahead so that I know where open accessible toilets can be used if necessary. The problem is that people who really don’t need accessible toilets are using them as a stopgap because standard toilets are locked. That was never the intention and i think it’s more down to local authorities trying to save money on maintenance by locking standard toilets and making accessible loos the only ones available for all.

It uses a radar key to open. Who cares what the technical spec of the lock is? Lots of accessible toilets use this type of locking mechanism which use a radar key to open from the outside.

So you don’t think that a disabled person who needs the accessible toilet because of a burst or leaking stoma bag should have any priority when there’s a queue ? What’s the point of providing them then ?

And there is no ban on able bodied people buying them.

But you knew it well enough to know cafes were 1.5 miles away? (Which, they actually weren’t) 🤷‍♀️

The public toilets in the same building were shuttered up with those looked like shop window roller shutters.

Looking at the construction, it seems it would be difficult to do that. Not being council run, I would assume these are closed long term as you wouldn’t have someone coming to do that every day. Likely due to a problem with vandalism. Even more of a reason not to allow anyone who doesn’t actually need the facility to use a changing places toilet.

I have the same issue as you with peeing. I’d never consider using a disabled toilet because of it. It is entirely manageable and not at all the level of incontinence experienced by people who do use disabled loos. Pads are available and go before you leave.

I wouldn’t normally go to these extremes, but I actually think this would be a good case for contacting the local newspaper. The whole situation is obscene and imagine if you are actually disabled and have to compete a Q&A as to why you need to use the toilet, how humiliating.

I'm glad you didn't lie, OP. Such hard work goes into campaigning for and building those toilets and they are rare. It would be awful if they were open to the non-disabled general public.

No, you are not disabled just because you need to go often. There is a world of difference between this and incontinence/urgency.

OP doesn’t have a continence issue. She stated that quite clearly, and doesn’t consider herself disabled. The person she spoke to had a duty to keep the accessible toilet free for those who actually need it.

Changing places usually have radar key access. I don't think it is reasonable to expect people to have to justify to some one why they need to use one to gain access.