Wasn't allowed to use disabled toilet despite the fact no other toilet was available. AIBU?

[fakenamefornow]

Seaside town with beach that stretches about 1.5 miles away from town centre with just flats and houses facing beach, ie no pubs or cafés that might let me use the toilet. It's about 10am rainy January morning, nobody else about apart from about two/three people and dogs on the beach.
Half way along on seafront is a public toilet block. Both mens and womens shuttered up and locked. Disabled toilet, locked, had a phone number to call for remote access so they could let people in. Called number and despite me pleading that I was desperate for the loo (I was) and pointing out no others available, I was refused absolutely point blank access because I wasn't disabled.
I don't think this is fair at all, but what do others think?
YANBU - she should have let you in.
YABU - no way should she have let you in regardless of how much you needed the loo.

I'd certainly complain about the toilets being locked up and unusable. It's awful when you expect them to be available!

One time I had to pee on the beach when toilets were all locked up at a seaside resort.

Why didn't you put the phone down and go to a cafe or something i know you were trying to make a point but just hang up and find somewhere to pee.

But they can't prove if anyone calling that number is disabled or not.
Disabled is not a physical disability only.
It's also bladder and bowel conditions.

Read her posts- no cafes near.

YANBU!

I think one of the strangest things about society is that we don’t provide enough toilets in public spaces. I know they need to be funded and can be vandalised but it’s so odd that it’s frowned upon to wee or pooh on the floor yet facilities are often lacking.

It’s inhumane that she didn’t help you!

Maybe you should all phone the number and ask why they wouldn't let a mumnetter go to the loo

I am not going to argue but the op was bursting but had time to argue on the phone and want to speak to a manager..

But you are arguing now and saying even worse things.

So is the number manned 24/7? If not what if you need the loo outside of office hours?

One time just when things were opening up again in 2021, my daughter was at an athletics meeting in an unfamiliar town. She has a bladder like a camel but I don't and also got IBS symptoms from time to time. The toilets were locked at the track. I drove into town.

Stood in a queue at McDonald's to find their toilets were locked. Went to ASDA, their toilets were out of order as someone had broken through the barrier, used the toilets and smashed something up in frustration- I was starting to feel the same way as that person at this point. I walked all round a shopping mall and couldn't find toilets. Finally I found a loo at Costa. Absolutely minging but it had to do.

That was a weird situation in Covid times but even now there are places where it is a public toilet desert and somewhere unfamiliar can be really difficult. Google maps are not always helpful either.

Please don’t buy a radar key if you aren’t disabled. The whole point is to enable those with disabilities to access facilities specifically for them. Else what happens when a disabled person who needs to use a disabled toilet (often time critical) and they are in use by someone who doesn’t need them, but has a radar key incase they don’t want to wait for normal toilets.

In this case, I agree that you should have been allowed to use the disabled facilities if there were no others available.

I would call the team here https://www.changing-places.org/contact-us to see what they say.

Otherwise call North Somerset Council.

As a wheelchair user it's obvious that I need a disabled loo. However I would find it humiliating to have to call someone to ask them to 'buzz me in'.

I have a friend who's developed a rather distressing <as yet undiagnosed> stomach issue which means when she needs to 'go' she needs to 'go' urgently. We were out in a nearby seaside town recently and she needed the loo, but all the non-disabled ones were closed for the winter. I said to use the disabled loo and gave her my radar key. She was worried that people may think that she didn't have a need to use a disabled loo. I pointed out that not all disabilities are visible & if anyone made a comment to tell them exactly that. No apology or further explanation is necessary.

I bought her a radar key of her own for Xmas with a keyring on which I had engraved 'not all disabilities are visible & a heart' on it.

I find it very intrusive that you have to call a stranger and discuss your health with them to use a toilet that is paid through all our taxes. I’d complain OP-from a privacy POV if nothing else.

I'd be minded to complain, and add a final paragraph.

"I do of course apologise for the heap I left close to the building. Regrettably, I had to squat and my husband used his jacket to minimise offence to passers by. It's hopefully been washed away now by the rain but you may wish to ask your cleaners to check". "I didn't do that of course, but others might when confronted with unreasonableness and your employee needs to reflect. Next time, of course, I shall lie".

Changing places toilets arent standard toilets. They're not that common for starters. They've got things like a hoist, changing table, shower, privacy screen and a lot more room than usual. Often its people who need to be accompanied by a carer/2 carers/need hoisting/have a large wheelchair that physically wont fit into any other kind of toilet that tend to use them. A lot of people see the 'changing places' and assume its a changing room/baby changing facility. The equipment in them is very, very expensive, so rightly or wrongly access is usually a lot more controlled than in any other kind of toilet.

This could have been why you were not let into the bathroom, OP.

You have no idea if the call is being recorded - and as you had told the operator you were not disabled there is a possibility they could have been in trouble with their employer for allowing you to use the disabled toilet. By all means have a pop at the council for locking the regular loos, but leave the person doing their job alone.

The shopping centre isn't that far from the seafront! And there are numerous cafes, plus the pier, there's also a wetherspoons on the front, unless you were right up the far end where they have the circus, but you said half way along, the toilet block isn't far from the town centre iirc
But not all disabilities are visible so they could have let you in, however those changing places toilets are really expensive to install, they have hoists, changing benches, electric sinks that the heights can be changed on, bidet style toilets so I imagine it's because they don't want the risk of any of the equipment damaged.

Having visited Western Australia recently, amongst the many great things there was the availability of free, clean public toilets in even the smallest of places we drove through.

Shame we can’t do the same here, but whilst the provision of public conveniences isn’t a statutory requirement, cash-strapped local authorities will target funding elsewhere. Big shout out for Bury St Edmunds for some great toilets!

That's crazy. I hsve to admit, in those circumstances id have found a discrete spot near the back of the toilet block and gone there. Indeed I've done that a lot when younger. It's not dignifying but needs must.

My local city has closed most of it's public loos. As a result the shrub/hedge borders of the park that my dog & me tend to frequent have become the alternative & are disgusting. I have to keep my little dog away from the borders otherwise she finds the poo & rolls in it.

I complained to my local councillor who told me that they don't have the funds to maintain public loos & they tended to be used by druggies to do whatever druggies do & rough sleepers would sleep in them. He also suggested that it could be fox poo. No it wasn't - I know the difference between human & fox poo!

So I put a message on FB with a photo of my dog covered in what can only be human poo as there were bits of sweetcorn & tomato skins in it 😱. That generated a big response including an item on local TV - TV loves a cute dog story. The councillor also appeared on TV trotting out the above explanation.

The public looks that were close to this park are now up for sale as redevelopment opportunity.

Changing places facilities are hideously expensive to install and much more than just a disabled toilet. Cleanliness is extremely important. I imagine that is why it is being gate kept. Clearly its wrong to have to call somebody to use it but its a sign of the times that these facilities get vandalised.

I am glad you mention that! Yes, lots of public toilets everywhere is Australia!

i don’t understand why it is not prioritised in the UK. Even if local authorities have no money - they should prioritise this above other things. Everyone needs to go the toilet !! I used to find this very stressful when my dd was little - so often we would go out for the day in a park etc and there were no toilets or locked.

It seems a bit off, that you ring the number and they ask 'are you disabled'? I guess your mistake was saying no.
They really shouldn't even ask. It shouldn't even need to be manned? Just some automated code or something when you call it?

Oh FFS (at that last bit.) I hate trying to find a toilet in the town centre (I tend to go in Whetherspoon's now.) The town I used to live in had loos in Sainsbury's, Next, the bus station, the carpark over what used to be a Waitrose and the library. Bus station ones weren't the nicest but the carpark ones were clean. Here there's some disgusting ones (the floor was sticky, I used that one once then walked through a puddle to wash my shoes and DS's pram wheels) or the aforementioned Spoons. They moved the Gregg's so that doesn't have a loo anymore. Anything else is further out. (Supposedly this town is bigger, but poorly served.)