Cried for 90 mins

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Last night my little one woke and was creaming at 4.15am. I thought something was wrong but he just wanted to go downstairs. I tried to comfort him in my arms but nothing was settling him. Took him in my bed which he rarely comes into and we watched my phone. Probably shouldn't have done that but I can't stand his crying.

He wasn't sleeping but it was nice to have him under the duvet with me.

After 10 mins I put him back in his cot and his room. Same issue occured again - crying to go downstairs.

I just left him in the cot until he eventually slept at 6am.

I did go in one or twice into the room but honestly I can't settle him when he wants to go downstairs and I told him it's dark outside.

I was watching him on the room camera so he wasn't in any danger.

Did I do the wrong thing? Next door is hard of hearing so won't wake him. I live just with toddler.

Allowing your kids to get up for the day continually at 4am isn’t really great parenting. Everyone must have been knackered for years which would have a huge impact on development and health. Versus a bit of crying for a few nights.

Sleep is so important.

No of course not. But a good parent will reflect and realise they handled it badly, and hopefully do better next time.

I have sympathy. In the cold light of day, I wouldn’t have done the phone thing, but equally I’ve made all sorts of wrong decisions when I’ve been beyond exhausted and just desperate for them to settle and go back to sleep.

Go the fuck to sleep my favourite story book

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=teIbh8hFQos&pp=0gcJCTIBo7VqN5tD

please don’t worry op I can see you attended to him but all he wanted was to get up and go downstairs- I’ve been there with children that don’t settle with co-sleeping and fall asleep with cuddles but are wide awake. And if you start taking them down they will continue to wake. Maybe avoid phone next time (but as someone above wisely said we all do this stuff when exhausted). But so he doesn’t think it’s get up time and make it as boring as possible being up in the night but give some cuddles and reassurance (if he will accept them)

😢

But ultimately you left him screaming in his cot for an hour and a half because you didn't want to get up yet? What did you think having a toddler would be like? Bizarre. If your baby is awake you should be awake.

I never left any of the two of mine crying. It wasn’t about “giving in”, it was because I loved them and wanted them to know that I would always be there.

They still know that as adults.

What I don't get is, if you're supposed to train them not to call out for you when they wake, because it's night time and there's nothing fun to get up for... presumably it's fine for them to call out and cry until you get them out of the cot if it's 7am? So how do they know? How can they be trained specifically enough that they would wake up at 4 and think "it's 4, there's nothing to get up for" and go back to sleep. But not to do that if it's 7am? How do they know the difference in that subconscious state and know how to act appropriately?

Are you saying op isn't going to be there for him because she put him back to bed. No parent in their right mind would give in to every little tear that's not love.

I have no words about your attitude to tiny people who are still learning. Except, you should never had had them. You’re parenting is abusive.

Just keep them in bed with you it’s easier, and no tears ! It won’t last forever.
if they want to get up at 5am then that’s getting up time I’m afraid. Toddler life !

They dont know the time, but you go in and explain its still night time so let's go back to bed for a little while longer, give them a cuddle and kiss and back to bed

Mine wakes between 4 and 5 sometimes, it’s awful. I’ve tried everything with adjusting naps and bedtime. He won’t go back to sleep at that time. If I bring him into bed sometimes he’ll relax and sometimes he’ll climb on my head and kick me in the throat. I try not to get up til about 5:30 earliest so I just tolerate him climbing on my head. I also have a mini Bluetooth speaker that I put stories on for him- he knows Very Hungry Caterpillar and Gruffalo and joins in.

What I’ve found also helps is putting some little books with felt flaps at the foot of his cot. He will wake up and explore them for a bit and chat to himself before he starts yelling for me. If anything it’s a nicer way to wake up than the screaming.

I think what happened is sub-optimal, but so is getting up at 4 and having to function and teaching him that he can get up at 4 by screaming.

But some people are saying that if you have a few nights of crying then you'll teach them and they'll stop getting up. Like training them to get to a point where you don't have to come in and tell them to go back to sleep. They "have to learn" and when they learn they won't wake in the night.

It wasn't every single day and yes, it had a huge impact on my health as I was a single parent, worked full time etc. but I wouldn't ignore my children's needs to get a few hours extra sleep. It was torture at times but unfortunately it is parenting. I couldn't leave them to fend for themselves could I.

My children are ND and their circadian rhythm isn't that of an NT person so I had to suck it up. They are bright, well adjusted little humans who know I will be there for them, so they have a healthy attachment too.

Telling a child no is not abusive it's teaching them boundaries. Hugging a child who is crying for negative attention is giving the wrong message to that child. We are there to bring them up to be decent people and understand boundaries. Giving in to every tear will confuse them when they don't receive the same attention from other adults or children.

If I heard a baby crying non stop for an hour and a half I would call the police for a welfare check.

I would have assumed something had happened to you.

It’s not fair to the neighbours or your child.

It sounds like he got himself so worked up that he was crying because he was overly upset.

To be fair to my neighbours (and so no one called the police) I would have taken him downstairs and slept on the sofa - not great but better than him crying for 90mins.

You need to find out why he was so desperate to go downstairs - was he hungry, thirsty, scared, wanting to watch tv etc.
That way it will help you next time.

They may still wake up and call out but when you keep going in and being consistent then the likelihood of them understanding and falling back to sleep is greater than them staying up for prolonged periods of time crying

You hopefully don’t have children.

But it was in their interests to get the necessary sleep. It’s not healthy for them or you. Parents aren’t doing it for themselves. They understand kids need sufficient sleep and rest. What do you do when you get up at 4am? Watch screens for 3 hours?

You are not ignoring their needs by making sure they have enough sleep.

You are not leaving children ‘to fend for themselves’ if you refuse to get up with them at 4am. They are safe in their beds. You encourage them to go back to sleep. Getting up and starting the day doesn’t help.

So in that case will they just go back to sleep if they wake at 7, as well? If not, why not?

Or they think “I just wanted a cuddle but I’m not getting it as my parent can’t be bothered giving me one, lesson learned.

Maybe they were getting sufficient sleep by going to bed early. You don't know their entire day.