When I see a man start a thread about his wife I know it’s going to be about lack of sex

[Freepaintjob]

Pretty much every-time.

Will start with I don’t feel close anymore, she seems distant… blah blah blah. We’re not having regular sex like we did 5 years ago before we had 2 children and she had to carry everything.

They need to start a thread before it reaches that point. I feel like the woman could be on her knees with stress, hair falling out, no sleep but as long as he is getting regular sex then he doesn’t care.

He doesn’t look at the bigger picture just cares about the lack of sex.

Please go and have a look at some of the recent threads that are started by men.

Glad it's not just me @Freepaintjob , I'm always waiting for them to get to the point and it's nearly always their sex life. They always say they're great DH and DF but I'd love to hear their wives take on it. Too many men don't realise that if their wife is having a time when sex has become uncomfortable or just unwelcome the worst thing they can do is badger her about it, making sex a chore is never a good move

I think the effectiveness if the “take sex off the table” depends on what has been tried. If the husband has rally tried everything then I would advise him to sleep in a different room in the house. Not to think it will bring things back but if he is holding on to some hope that things will improve when they won’t, he can see that he needs to come to terms with that. Once he accepts it then he can decide if he wants to stay or go.

Yes, it's amazing how well represented men are on the sex board compared to the other discussion topics on MN. They're great guys mind you, just wanting to give us confused ladies the benefit of the wisdom of their penis. They are categorically not sad sacks or perverts, they'll have you know!

Are you suggesting that the onus is always on the man (or the person who wants sex) to resolve the issue and that the partner who has unilaterally withdrawn sex from the marriage is never responsible and must never attempt compromise?

It really is the death of a thousand cuts!!!

It’s the only thing that men really value. I’ve never in 50 years met a man who is really prepared to accept a woman as an equal, who values women’s time and priorities as equal to their own. Lately I’ve noticed that men don’t even think of themselves as humans who happen to be male with other humans who happen to be female - men are Men, and anything else in the universe are inferior things to exploit or play with.

I wish I didn't agree with this.

Yes it really frustrates me!

My husband has always done a bit more than me round the house: we still stopped fancying each other and we’re still getting divorced.

Sometimes marriages dissolve into friendship but you have to be ok with it…otherwise one of you ends up in affair territory. It’s not all about doing the flipping dishes or worse ‘life admin’ 🙄

Jesus that’s very extreme. You must have met a lot of cunts.

I suppose I don’t see it as a matter of who should be “responsible” but who can improve their life. If you are at a point where your partner isn’t interested in trying to resolve an issue that really matters to you then you need to work out if you are willing to stay knowing that. If moving out of the room helps you decide if you are willing to stay or can face going then it is a step on the way.

At that point the only work to be done is working out how you will respond.
There will be some where the other partner is willing to make effort but sometimes it sounds like there is not much chance of that.

I think it’s weird and creepy when they do this. Feels like the get off on it.
It’s so weird to come and post about it here.

As a man, I’m more than happy to start/ contribute to threads on books, mental health, parenting, gardening politics etc, but there’d be no use me doing anything with style or beauty unless it’s how not to do it. At to the , my wife doesn’t want sex , threads, there’s so many on here, does anyone need to start another one, just read those.

This is a female dominated board though.

I absolutely get being outraged by an affair irrespective of what is going on sexually. There is never a justification or reason for cheating.

Leaving is fair enough.

This.

Maybe that’s why I find it weird. It’s the only time I see men start posts here.

To whine about their dry dicks.

I'm intrigued to know how you know if a poster is male or female?
Ok, sometimes it's obvious or the poster states it in the post but usually it could be either.

How is that a comparison?

How is a partner sharing equally the domestic load about the woman getting HER needs met? The house isn’t her responsibility alone.

Because it’s obvious and most of the time they state it.

I mean yes there may be loads of men who conceal their identity on other topics.

But then that raises a question why only announce their maleness when crying about their dry dicks.

Read the entire thing.

Yes, sadly true. And surprisingly buying sexy underwear didn’t help!!

No, it's not obvious.

I'm not sure why they announce their maleness either as women tend to get a much more sympathetic hearing when having the same problem.

I think whoever is unhappy with the situation and wants it to change will inevitably be the one who makes a move to change things,

They use words like "affection" or say they "feel ignored" want to "feel connected" or some such bullshit but its always about getting their rocks off.
You can just tell from the title, you don't even need to read it
The REALLY depressing ones are where the man whines about lack of sex while claiming to "help out around the house" - how could she not want sex after an 8 hour day at work and then wrangling kids etc when he puts the bins out once week?

In fairness i think a of the men come on her to ask "what should i do"

And there is never really much of a answer it is always "do more with the kids do more about the house". Which is fair enough.

I do slightly feel sorry though for the guys who respond to that with "i do school runs, clubs, laundry, mental load etc etc" and then the pile on response is generally "i bet you dont".

Its no wonder they end up doing something cringey like buying lingerie as not gotten any good advice they can use.

You're absolutely right. And it'll also be full of handmaidens berating anybody who suggests he's the problem or doesn't have a god-given right to sex when he wants it.