When I see a man start a thread about his wife I know it’s going to be about lack of sex

[Freepaintjob]

Pretty much every-time.

Will start with I don’t feel close anymore, she seems distant… blah blah blah. We’re not having regular sex like we did 5 years ago before we had 2 children and she had to carry everything.

They need to start a thread before it reaches that point. I feel like the woman could be on her knees with stress, hair falling out, no sleep but as long as he is getting regular sex then he doesn’t care.

He doesn’t look at the bigger picture just cares about the lack of sex.

Please go and have a look at some of the recent threads that are started by men.

Yes it's either that or the sex troll 🙄

Yeah, they’re almost always another child the woman has to take care of. No surprise sex is off the table. For me, my ex was just crap at sex as well. DIdn’t make any effort but complained if he wasn’t getting any. I’m not shy, I tried to teach him and show him but he didn’t care to remember/learn. I think that is fairly common as well.

I get a Substack roundup email weekly. I usually skip read some of the content.

There was this one piece about being a "sexual leader" or some other shitty phrase. I just looked it & thought do some ruddy housework instead. It blethered on about how this would work and the wife would be more content.

Whilst I agree a good, communative sex life is important, it does need all aspects of life working for both people.

Yes like this.

I know people are saying that women post these types of threads but they are not the same. Nearly all of the I am a man threads are about sex and follow the same pattern.

There was a really funny (or to me, anyhow) thread a few years ago - ‘Post here like a man’ essentially.

Most we’re absolutely 😘 (nearest emoji I could find to chef’s kiss).

www.mumsnet.com/talk/_chat/4328169-Post-here-but-like-a-man-who-has-just-discovered-MN?page=4&reply=110249449

I feel like replying: are you in good shape? Cheerful? Wear nice clothes/underwear? Honestly some midlife men do not look great. But because they aren’t bombarded by ‘self care’ messaging they don’t see it?

*were. Darn it.

Maybe they follow the same pattern because it's a common issue. The women's ones follow the same pattern too.

I'm just surprised it's time for the weekly man bashing thread already, hasn't the last one only just wound up?

Almost as many as the "I don't have sex with my husband and treat him like a pervert every time he touches me but somehow I am outraged and surprised that he watches porn/had an affair/wants to leave" threads.

Probably because their view of touch is different.

Often from what I’ve read, wife wants a hug, a cuddle, a touch that isn’t angling or pushing for sex, not to be groped. Some women don’t mind that but just as many if not more don’t if the touch is always groping.

Very much like a majority of threads started by women are a moan about how their partner don't do enough around the house!

There is rarely a right or wrong but a breakdown in communication and both focused solely on their individual needs rather than the needs of the relationship.

Duplicate

@Freepaintjob "as long as he is getting regular sex then he doesn’t care."

Absolutely, yes. Very well said.

Usually OP comes in for some robust criticism from other women though.

Would you also tell a woman whose husband doesn’t want to have sex with her that she needs to be sexier and make him want sex with her? Blame her, in other words?

People with a low IQ aren’t allowed to ask for advice?

I’ve seen plenty of those type of threads.

I think it’s definitely true that men can’t see what’s plainly obvious in relation to why their wife doesn’t want sex - burnout, stress, fatigue etc.

Posters will suggest things like giving the woman a day to herself, taking the kids out etc.

But they have to literally include “don’t get her to pack the kids stuff or book the activity for you that day, you need to do it”. Clearly some men need led by the hand at times, which must be genuinely infuriating and it’s no wonder their wife doesn’t want to ride them.

With that said, there are also men who post and the tone of it is tentative and mature. People who are probably looking for a female perspective on a real issue. They still get hammered by plenty of those who reply. Usually accused of being a predator or only caring about their own needs. That’s excessive and unwarranted.

I personally couldn’t live in a marriage where there’s no intimacy. It must be like death by a thousand cuts and it’s an issue that will no doubt worsen with the passage of time, so I don’t think we should be treating anyone who reaches out for help like that, and is clearly genuine.

I agree.

Men are always so focused on sex that they never see the bigger picture. The lack of sex is usually the tip of the iceberg and they have absolutely no clue about all the crap below it that leads to the loss of intimacy in the first place, or really have any interest in dealing with it either.

I read a thread yesterday about a guy who was complaining about the lack of intimacy and he said something along the lines of how he’d suggested they have a night away and how he had been out and bought his wife some nice lingerie as a gift and genuinely seemed to think that was a good thing and that we’d all be impressed by how “thoughtful” he was. I mean what the hell?! I just thought, “What an absolute twat!”

Some men are absolutely clueless when it comes to marriage difficulties, or don’t care about them until the sex stops…and then suddenly they pipe up and start complaining.

It’s on threads like those that you really see the difference in how men and women are programmed.

Yes because any thread started by a man unhappy with his sex life is so fair and balanced

I wouldn't have to. That's my point. That is the first thing women are trained to wonder.

These 'reverse the genders' people are so tiresome. You can't. Because we are socialised differently. That's the point.

Actually, I think only some of those threads are about sex. Maybe half? The rest are actually written in a way that makes me think he's desperate for a bunch of women to agree with him that his wife is a horrrible/lazy/controlling/demanding person who expects too much of him.... and then he's going to show her the thread.
Always amusing when that doesn't happen.

Oh gawd yes. It can take a few posts and then it becomes glaringly obvious he's going to use the answers to guilt trip the poor wife

Yes.
Speaking ONLY for myself, it's disgusting and rage inducing.
I never particularly wanted/needed sex in my life, but obviously wanted/needed other things related to a good quality marriage.
Therefore I'm very happy that my husband is three decades older and one day I'll be living completely alone.
It must be also rage inducing the way I repeat it here any time such a man comes around and starts a thread. 🤢

Therefore I'm very happy that my husband is three decades older and one day I'll be living completely alone.

Goodness that's a bit stark .

😆

That would be far too concise though.

I can spot a male poster within the first couple of sentences and then yep, confirmed by it being so damn lonnnnnng.

Mine would be about the way she stacks the dishwasher.

Genuinely appalling.

Looks like she's thrown the stuff in from across the room blindfolded.

The people at Bosch designed it with specific sections for the various cutlery, crockery and utensils, that has to be respected surely.

You want men to come to mumsnet to get style advice for dressing for a wedding?

I find it odd that any post asking for advice on sex. But why would a man come and on a forum for mothers questions where there are presumably specifics style places on the internet specially for them with all the geeky details about the fit of a suit jacket before reverting to slobbing around in tee shirt and jeans the day after the wedding.

As for reading, men appear to have checked out of reading fiction by the recent numbers. Women has dropped slightly over the last few years, man have dropped more and most of what they still read appears to be non-fiction stuff. It sounds like men don’t read anymore.