Called an ugly cow by a child

[Happilyobtuse]

Dd is 9, a boy in her class insulted me and told her I was an ugly cow. She cried as she was so upset at him saying hurtful things about me. She told me in the evening and I had a laugh because he is a very very ugly looking child! And I am a good looking fit woman who has modelled previously. I am asian though so I think he was singling me out as I am obviously different from others. His own mother is very fat and much much bigger than me. I have told Dd to tell him with a face like yours I wouldn’t go around insulting others! And if he continues, to tell her class teacher. Is there anything else I should be doing?

Op you should have started with this. It sounds like you’re concerned these comments are racially motivated?
speak to the class teacher. Lead with this comment and follow up with the ugly cow as it shows a pattern. im guessing it was the same boy?

I would advise your dd to tell her teacher and every time this horrid child says anything nasty to dd tell the teacher then too.
He is getting his behaviour from somewhere and that most likely is home. His parents should not be using language like this.
Also I am of the opinion that once you start something it is entirely your own fault if you come off worse. Hence telling the child that he hasn’t in any position to talk about how ugly someone is is completely fine and will teach him a lesson.

He's 9. You're a full grown adult. You handle it by showing what good behaviour looks like, not by behaving like a child.

Jesus. Grow up.
Kids say stupid things all the time. Why are you encouraging your daughter to defend you??

Yes. Tell her looks don’t matter and to ignore it.

Do you realise how silly you sound? You are grown adult who is by proxy having a playground slanging match wih a child. Teaching your daughter to call names back isn't going to equip her well for the future. Grow up.

This can’t be……no.

He's a child, your an adult.

Act like an adult

As a teacher we often hear children insulting other children’s parents. We discuss it with them and point out how unkind and how would they like it. Just ignore and accept it for what it is- childish behaviour.

The latter. Jesus.

(It's from 'The Exorcist' ; it wasn't a serious suggestion 👍)

9 year old kids are often rude and insulting. Adults joining in isn’t a good look - no matter what anyone looks like. 🤷‍♀️

Tell the school about it as this has a racially motivated element.

I liked what @Kisskiss and @KissMyArt (all the Kisses) said - they seem to be keeping it real. I expect many people on here have negatively judged the appearance of women like the one you describe, but these thoughts should stay in your head, and they actually become pretty ugly when spoken aloud and used as a weapon within earshot of our impressionable children.

I know you don't believe fat is the same as ugly but you have been hurt (at least by seeing your DD upset) and are lashing out.

Rise above all of it! Beauty, above all, is treating everyone with understanding and kindness. I expect there are a few generations of learned behaviour, and possibly even jealousy of you and your DD's looks, behind what the boy said.

Yes I agree, someone’s having a laugh.

I’m sorry but Mumsnet is just an actual joke these days. Why are people even engaging with this utter drivel anymore.

You seem very hung up on looks and body shape. Perhaps he was right - maybe he was talking about an ugly personality?

I'm sorry but the boy isn't kind yes but you OP are vile. You're being so nasty and superficial. You should be the grown up not throwing lots of nasty surface level insults back.

I almost think this is a joke thread to wind people up.

I agree.

I am sorry that your DD was upset - it’s awful as a parent to go through this.

But kids sling insults at each other all of the time and most of the time it’s forgotten.
If this has happened more than once then he could be bullying her.

But your reaction is very childish.
”he started it” - he’s 9!

I would have told my DD that what he said was not nice and that he was trying to make her upset and hit her where it hurts.
I would have told her to tell the teacher.

I would not have commented on his appearance or encouraged my child to do so either.

Your behaviour is as childish as the child who gave the original insult.
To my daughter I would have said that the boy was very rude and brushed it off- end of situation.

Here you are going on about how fat she is, yet on another thread you posted your own stats and you've got an overweight bmi too💁

Since you are @Happilyobtuse I don't know if it does any good to explain to you that you did not model good behaviour to your dd. You could have just shrugged and said "What a silly boy. He needs glasses if he can't see that your mum is drop dead geaorgeous."

So you've now taught DD that you shouldn't call people ugly unless they're actually ugly. And that the response to being called ugly is to argue you're not and engage in a weird competition with another oblivious woman, where you argue you're more beautiful; rather than talk about it being wrong to insult someone's appearance? Is that really what you were going for?
If you think there was racism at play, and/or the other child is bullying DD through you, that's something to raise with the school. It's not what was said and whether it's true that matters, it's the motivation.

Hang on… haven’t you also bright or cold up to insult others?!

‘Cow’ as applied to a woman doesn’t mean fat. It means not a nice person.

Apropos of which, a former nursery teacher once told me how she’d been asking her 3 year olds what their mummies called them. They replied, ‘Honeybunch’, ‘My little soldier’, etc. - but one little girl said ‘Mummy calls me a little cow! She says, ‘You little cow!’ 😱