How would you feel if your partner wanted a career that you didn’t want him to have

[Daisychain67]

I’ve been with my partner since we were teenagers (now 29) and his ultimate dream has always been to be a famous rapper, I’ve known this since I first met him but was obviously really young back then and thought it was ‘cool’.

We’ve got an 8yo daughter together and the older I have got the more mature I have got and the more I just want a quiet life with my family, no fame, no dramas, just me and my family. We’ve had a really up and down relationship, he’s been unfaithful to me in the past and mean and is very ‘me me me’ sometimes.

I heard him earlier today in the shower and some of his lyrics were about women and how they basically want him and how attractive they are, I’ve told him before that I’m not comfortable with things like that but it’s always brushed off and I’m told if I don’t like it leave him. I haven’t said anything to him yet as I’m not sure whether to or not.

I’m just not sure if this is what I want but I love him and want him to do what he loves. Am I being unreasonable as I’ve known this is what he’s always wanted for a long time?

This isn’t a joke OP. You’ve got a daughter? And this is what she is learning about relationships from him and from you?

This.
Why would you want to stay with this unpleasant man and especially, have your daughter learn from him what is a man?
Please, get some self respect and get him out of your life

He sounds like Grindah from People Just Do Nothing.

My OH does some flight instruction as a hobby and always says he would love to jack in his job and do it all the time. I make my feelings quite plain on it that I would not be happy about him leaving me and DC for days at a time, making me do all the parenting, irregular work patterns and constant monitoring of health which drives me insane.

You dont have to stay with him you can choose not too but if a man tried to control a woman like this people would go on about red flags galore, it is not different when a woman tries to control a man no matter how you dress it up into something fancy

You have a man-child. He's not really grown up, and is still chasing a pipe dream. He's not going to be a rapper; he's living in cloud cuckoo land. On top of the immaturity, he's a cheat and can be nasty towards you. Why exactly are you still with him????!! He sounds utterly dreadful. You can do far better than him and you definitely deserve better. I'd take him at his word, and leave!!

Sorry op he sounds a bloody awful selfish twat tbh. Op he cheats is mean to you and tells you to leave and you still love him. He doesn’t respect you or love you. He wouldn’t treat you badly if he did. He’s obviously not scared of losing you.
He would hook up with loads of women if he was famous maybe that’s why he’s wants to be. Do you love yourself op? Because I don’t understand why you keep going he’s a proper bellend. When people say how they love someone so much it hurts if he eventually left you for someone else you wouldn’t have a choice your love would mean nothing to him. You would get over him eventually. so you could consider this now while you’re able to.

I was with someone like this for a few years. He wanted to be a rock musician and he certainly had the talent and charisma, but was also a bit of an arsehole like your DP, and very unfocused. Years on, his life has gradually disintegrated. Part of growing up is getting to understand how much effort is required to realise your dreams, and learning which dreams no longer serve us.

I doubt his music is going to blow up passed the age of 30

Many boys I went to school with are still trying to “make it as a rapper”. They are all in their 40’s, single and alone.

run. Run away.

I'd be extremely embarrassed if my partner was musician/entertainer of any sort. But he wouldn't, so...re first poster, as most of the time.

what is his day job? I’m assuming he doesn’t actually make any money off rapping?
But, yes….obviously leave he’s sounds like a right dickhead

You’ve out grown him. Leave with your head held high !

Omg he sounds like an absolute tosser. He's fantasising about being young, cool and desirable. Hes already been unfaithful. His lyrics are revealing his inner thoughts about other women. Yuk.

Yanbu

Is he white British? If so he’s probably got a better chance of spontaneously combusting than he does of becoming a famous rapper.

I absolutely wouldn’t want to be with him.
However- he hasn’t changed. You have.

I’m not one to stamp on anyone’s dreams but he’s married and has a child - he needs to step up and get a proper job. If he wants to change careers, he needs to opt for something achieve able and realistic. If he wants to continue with the music, fine, do it as a hobby and if something comes of it, also fine.

Aside from that, you need to dump him. Unfaithful, self-absorbed, and disrespectful.

I'm not saying it's not going to happen, lest we forget Buster Merryfield, Uncle Albert in Only Fools did a whole career with Nat West, ending up as a manager before retiring taking up Am Dram and becoming famous.

But

The chances are pretty thin, virtually non existent - so with his rap career gone, what is he, a cheat and a nasty sod, bin him off!

You don’t say what he currently does for a living and what he currently contributes financially to the family.

But regardless I think you are asking the wrong question, which should be”how would you feel if your partner and co-parent of your dc is mean and unfaithful”? To which the answer would be “I would feel that I would tell him to grow up and bugger off”

This is so pathetic, it's beyond words.

Leave him for your own mental health.

He’ll be an AMAZING dad!! OP, what do you love about him?

This bloke sounds sad and tragic. Normally both those words aren’t needed but I feel they are here.

I voted YANBU because I think you should do whatever you want. If you want to stay with him you probably can't stop him trying his rap dream (though the chances of him succeeding seem small to me, so if you do decide to stay I would say nothing at all on the subject - don't goad him into it by letting him know you don't approve).

If you decide you want to leave him, that's perfectly reasonable too.

Does he have a career as a famous rapper or just sing in the shower?
Because if he hasnt got a career as a rapper after in excess of 10 years of trying it unlikey to happen..
Does he have a career of any kind?
Honestly the lyrics are the last of your worries if he's a cheat and mean to you ,surely that's sufficient to know he doesnt love you and it's over?