Is this just fucking rude or am I being precious?

[clothespegg]

We live in Italy. Dd4 recently turned 18 and her present was a trip to London with a friend. I paid flights and spending money (for her), one of her sisters paid for a plush hotel for both of them, another organised ice skating, another took them out for meals etc… they were away 5 days and seemed to have had a great time.

I didn’t know the other girl, so we met up with her and her mother beforehand, organised flights and chatted. I gave her all my and my older dd’s details etc. Her dd slept here the night before they left, we took them both to the airport at dawn (they don’t have a car),and picked them up and dropped other girl off at hers when they got back (the other side of town). The mother was out when my DH dropped her off.

And nada. Silence. Not a single word back. Not a thank you or an acknowledgement. Nothing. Dad says everything was great and they both loved it. I’m not expecting flowers or champagne, but even a text would have been nice. AIBU?

Yep, I recently went away with a friend, before we went we made sure our husbands, who don't really know each other, had each others numbers. I'd honestly find my DH texting hers to say thanks afterwards only very slightly less weird than my mum texting another mum thanks when I was 18, and an adult.

You read it wrong. The friend (or her family) paid for her flight and spending money. Hotel and meal, activities were covered by OP/her older daughter.

Bearing in mind that the room cost would have been most likely the same for one girl as for two, and it’s quite normal for the birthday girl to pay for her own party, I can’t see why the other parent needs to message OP. The DD would have a much better time going with a friend than on her own; the friend’s family probably saw this as them doing OP a favour.

My DS is a single; we regularly invite a friend to join him/us. They are doing us a favour so obviously we pay for everything.

Perhaps she sees her daughter as an adult and doesn't involve herself too much in her adult relationships. It was up to the 18 year old friend to thank you properly - as an adult.

It does not seem to cross OP's mind that she should THANK the friend for attending.

What a surprise though
OP hasn't been back to clarify if friend thanked her in person or not....

It wouldn’t have occurred to me as she is an adult.

My brother and SiL used to email me their travel itinerary, insurance documents and copies of the relevant pages of their passports before going on holiday as an extra security measure…incase everything went belly up at their end and everything had been lost or destroyed.
I didn’t mind in the least if it gave them a sense of security.
Some people like to have all bases covered. 🤷‍♀️

Sure it's rude.
But what I'm wondering is, why waste money on "plush" accommodations for teenagers?

My DD went on holiday with a friend last summer. I write a note to thank her friend’s parents and gave a little gift but it took me a week or so to do it. Perhaps the friend’s mum (or her dad, if he’s on the scene?) just hasn’t got round to it yet.

You’re being precious.

They’ll have spent a reasonable amount on flights and spending money for their own daughter. Your daughter had an expensive 5 day long present, their daughter happened to accompany yours. I think contacting you to thank you would be a bit strange.

I was on the fence when the dd was 18 and make to say thank you and deal with her own finances. When I saw she paid her flights and spending money not you (which is of course very reasonable) then no, no big thanks is required. A small one during or after for the activities and accommodation is nice, but they also had outlay to make the trip happen for your dd

A simple “thanks for the lift” when getting out the car after the airport is literally the only thing you should be thanked for by the other girl.

What exactly are the girl's parents supposed to thank the OP for? They or the girl herself paid for her flights and the OPs other children paid for accommodation and some activities. The OP didn't contribute to the girl's costs - surely she should be thanking the girl for paying to attend her daughter's birthday celebration.

What was the reason he was kicked out?

Oh no turns out the OP actually paid for the hotel room because her DD couldn't actually afford it...

At that age, I’d expect the girl herself to say thank you via your daughter. I wouldn’t expect that to come directly mother to mother, that seems madness!

She should have thanked you. I would have. But bear in mind that you personally weren’t out of pocket by the friend joining your daughter. The mother was, as it was her paying for flight and spends.

It doesn't sound like anyone but the OP (and the sisters who gifted them) even knows that. Ever way it wouldn't have cost much more if anything to have the friend stay in the room!

my DC are younger than that but we haven't had parents involved in 'playdates' for ages. Kids themselves say thanks when they have a sleepover, are taken out, driven somewhere etc. I can't even imagine my own mother texting the parents of my friends to thank them for something me and the friend did when we were 18, how weird would that have been?

Daughter’s friend’s family enable an overseas trip for your child and you don’t think it’s necessary to reach out and thank the family afterwards because daughter is 18? Comical.

They didn't though, the friend paid for their own flights. Yes I would have considered it really odd if my mother reached out to say thanks for someone who let me share their hotel room or paid for my meal. Which wasn't even the OP.

They more likely consider that their daughter was invited to share her friends birthday weekend away with a considerable cost to herself. I'd be happy if my daughter thanked her friend. Don't see why she has to thank the parents - did thank the friend for enabling their daughter to have company on her trip.

Since DD has just turned 18, that means she is in the middle of a year where a lot of people she know will have 18th birthday parties.

I assume that OP has made a point of thanking the parents of every child whose 18th birthday party her DD has attended? If she did, will she do it for 19th birthday parties? Or 20th? When will it be ok to stop?

@redskydelight is it standard to have a five day trip to London staying in a luxury hotel with meals and outings paid for and door to door airport car service all for just the cost of a flight for an 18th birthday?

I probably thank people too much but I like showing my appreciation and it costs me nothing.

Completely agree. Who cares if the girl is 18. Surely common courtesy involves saying thanks and exchanging pleasantries