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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Everything is falling apart - please no judgement!

119 replies

c0uldibeanymoretired · 12/01/2026 18:58

I didn’t know what category to put this under.

I’m going through probably the toughest time of my life right now, I just wanted to see if anyone has been in a similar situation or has any advice but please no harsh judgement!

Myself, DP and DS (11m) currently rent privately. I have finished mat leave and I couldn’t go back to my previous role because they couldn’t offer me part time to work around DS nursery days - fine, it happens. I found a new role driving SEN children to and from school locally, the hours worked around my DS. All went well, I completed courses, paid for a DBS etc.

I had a call from the company to say the position in my area isn’t available, the only available position they now have is in a location that’s 1 hour from my house plus the driving around this new location. This doesn’t work due to nursery drop off/pick up etc, the hours are longer it just doesn’t work. Long story short, I basically had to withdraw my application.

DP is self employed, makes good money but not enough to pay all rent, bills, his bills and my personal bill eg car finance, insurance etc…

I’m not entitled to help on UC, I can only get child benefit. I received my last payment from work which was my holiday pay plus more so I got a good sum of money this month to cover everything before my new job came into place.

I did have the 30 funded hours but now I am ‘unemployed’ I haven’t even thought about what’s going to happen to that.

I’m now stressing because we will not be able to afford our rent, now with nursery starting next week which is paid for, we then have to pay over 1k for February, then our rent which is over 1,500k then bills etc which truthfully we cannot cover in the upcoming months. Yes I can take DS out of nursery but the thing that’s more worrying is the living situation.

We’re in contract until August but I’m scared we’re going to be made homeless eventually because of affordability, we don’t have family/friends that can help with such money and frankly, not their problem to help us!

Yes I can look for a new job which I’ve already been doing but finding specific jobs to fit around a schedule is a job in its own, plus the interviewing stages etc who knows how long it could be.

I don’t even know what I’m rambling on about I’m literally in tears and feel like I just need to get it off my chest but embarrassed to do so to friends/family.

We can’t rent somewhere else due to DP being self employed and me with no income - we don’t have a guarantor we live far from family and we only really have eachother.

Has anyone been in a situation where they had to voluntarily become ‘homeless’ - does this mean me and DS will be placed in a hotel/hostel without DP?

if you made it this far, thank you and I probably don’t make 100% sense in this but my head is scrambled!!

OP posts:
Hankunamatata · 12/01/2026 19:01

If your paying for daycare 7 to 6pm then surely its easy enough to find full time jobs within those hours

c0uldibeanymoretired · 12/01/2026 19:02

Sorry I did not mention, DS is only going to nursery 3 days a week, the rest of the days would be with a babysitter on the few hours I work

OP posts:
ProudCat · 12/01/2026 19:07

Sounds like you're in a really tough spot.

I think you need to talk to your local council housing officer ...

Also, a bit wild, but as you have a DBS and transport, can you contact an education supply agency and get work as a TA or something?

Sorry you're feeling through this.

Fbfbfvfvv · 12/01/2026 19:07

The hours you seem to want to work - could you look into schools that may have paid jobs working in breakfast clubs or a job picking up children from local nurseries or doing wraparound care for school age children, after school clubs, dinner lady, lollipop lady (crossing patrol?). As you have your DBS check you could do any of those jobs.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 12/01/2026 19:09

Why can’t you claim UC?

WilfredsPies · 12/01/2026 19:09

I would strongly suggest you contact Shelter. They’ll be able to give you some advice on housing and what your best options are.

As far as work goes, it might be the case that you have to start working evenings or nights and sharing childcare with your DH. And finding cheaper accommodation, like a one bed flat. Maybe your landlord could give you a reference that would mean a guarantor wouldn’t be necessary? Neither is a particularly palatable option but needs must.

c0uldibeanymoretired · 12/01/2026 19:14

Thanks for your replies!

I’ve been applying for loads of schools doing TA/midday assistants/cleaning after hours etc so fingers crossed I get some good news.

Only thing I’ve found with almost all school jobs is they require experience within a school whereas I’ve only ever worked in an office role!

Still applying because you just never know. I’m also looking into all cleaning jobs and evening/weekend carer. It’s just the unknown of if anything will come from the applications 😩

Worst case, I can look into things like Evri parcel delivery, it’s better than no job although I’ve heard only bad things but desperate times and that!

OP posts:
c0uldibeanymoretired · 12/01/2026 19:16

ToKittyornottoKitty · 12/01/2026 19:09

Why can’t you claim UC?

When I tried this on mat leave, I received a good enough payment monthly so couldn’t get it but I’m going to call them tomorrow and see what happens, it’s all a bit confusing to me online because it says I need to do a joint claim with DP as we live together but when we did that it was saying he needs to go in for interviews to prove his working as he’s self employed but he can’t due to being in work… so it’s just something I need to speak to an actual human about. It may change now but even so it takes up to 5 weeks for a claim to be accepted so it’s just panic mode atm

OP posts:
sundayvibeswig22 · 12/01/2026 19:16

Have you gone through an agency for TA type work? That might be quicker

c0uldibeanymoretired · 12/01/2026 19:17

sundayvibeswig22 · 12/01/2026 19:16

Have you gone through an agency for TA type work? That might be quicker

I’ve sent my CV to a few this evening 🤞🏻

OP posts:
Muddywelliescleansocks · 12/01/2026 19:20

First thing is to contact your landlord. Explain the situation not all landlords are ogres. Explain you’re looking for work, in touch with council etc so landlord knows you’re not sitting on your hands. We have landlords in family and all would reduce rent for a month or two as it’s such a hassle to swap tenants.

DaughterOfPearl · 12/01/2026 19:21

If it gets to the point you are facing homelessness would your family help if you asked? I know you feel it isn't their problem but I would help family in this situation.

TTCbabynumber22025 · 12/01/2026 19:22

Your DH being at work isn’t an excuse to not go in for the UC meetings, my DH is self employed and refuses to have basically any time off ever so I get it but if the option is that or homelessness, he’s being ridiculous

Moltenpink · 12/01/2026 19:24

Can you go back to your old job full time and your DP go part time? Or could he work weekends for a while?

alifeonourplanet75 · 12/01/2026 19:25

I went from a relationship, working and renting a three bedroom house, to my relationship ending, a car accident, having to give up work, going on benefits, then losing my home as I couldn't afford the rent. I was homeless with 2 dc.

Then a two bed flat came up which I took for 5 years, then I was offered a three bed home, which I've been in for 5 years. I've also been back at work for 5 years, and I'm now on 46k not a huge amount but better than benefits!

Just want to show you their is light at the end of this very dark tunnel x

Ihateboris · 12/01/2026 19:25

How much is the monthly car finance? If it's possible, could you get a cheaper car?

ZippyPeer · 12/01/2026 19:27

What is your other work experience?

Some thoughts off the top of my head:
Shop manager for a charity shop - often part time hours.
Is your SEN experience transferable to looking after elderly people?
In my area there is lots of temp office work at the local university.
Admin jobs at your local further education college

Really sorry the job fell through for you :(

WatalotIgot · 12/01/2026 19:29

What about temporary office work? Try agencies. Also casual waiting. I know it was a long time ago but I got lots of work doing functions, i.e. weddings, Masonic dinners etc. Just go into local hotels and ask even as a washer up. Normally the money is paid very quickly on a job by job basis.

Newyearawaits · 12/01/2026 19:31

Hi OP
I really feel for you.
I'm not underestimating your feelings but there are many people who are in similar situations.
The uncertainty of private renting and rent increases that are unaffordable keep alot of people worrying.
I have a family member in similar position. Her and husband work, no benefits, just about making ends meet and not eligible for social housing.
They have young children and wouldn't have money for rent increase.
Take care OP.
Please try not to lose your thoughts in the ifs and maybes, however hard that seems.
It sometimes feels like the system isn't supporting those who want to help themselves

Porwrp · 12/01/2026 19:36

I'd look into care work. There's always a need for it, you could just say you have the 3 full nursery days plus evenings/weekends/when your dp isn't working.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 12/01/2026 19:36

c0uldibeanymoretired · 12/01/2026 19:16

When I tried this on mat leave, I received a good enough payment monthly so couldn’t get it but I’m going to call them tomorrow and see what happens, it’s all a bit confusing to me online because it says I need to do a joint claim with DP as we live together but when we did that it was saying he needs to go in for interviews to prove his working as he’s self employed but he can’t due to being in work… so it’s just something I need to speak to an actual human about. It may change now but even so it takes up to 5 weeks for a claim to be accepted so it’s just panic mode atm

You will need to do a joint claim yes, but you are now earning less and paying childcare fees so are more likely to be eligible (depending on savings etc). Even when you get a job you may be eligible due to high childcare fees. There are some great Facebook groups on Facebook that can help you work things out

soupyspoon · 12/01/2026 19:42

TTCbabynumber22025 · 12/01/2026 19:22

Your DH being at work isn’t an excuse to not go in for the UC meetings, my DH is self employed and refuses to have basically any time off ever so I get it but if the option is that or homelessness, he’s being ridiculous

Absolutey, you cant become homeless due to appointments not being attended

Of course you make a joint claim, you live together and its based on household income, get all his income documents together, make the claim, you may still have to top up the rent as UC rent element may not cover the rent and his earnings will be taken into consideration but you wont then become homeless. In the meantime you'll find some sort of agency work, care work, driving work, or delivery as you say, you'll be ok

c0uldibeanymoretired · 12/01/2026 19:43

Ihateboris · 12/01/2026 19:25

How much is the monthly car finance? If it's possible, could you get a cheaper car?

256, it’s not even a fancy car a 17 plate Nissan but when I did the finance 4 years ago I didn’t have a deposit so took the higher finance payments as I was desperate. I only have until next June but assumed I’d have to pay the remaining before changing finance?

OP posts:
c0uldibeanymoretired · 12/01/2026 19:44

ZippyPeer · 12/01/2026 19:27

What is your other work experience?

Some thoughts off the top of my head:
Shop manager for a charity shop - often part time hours.
Is your SEN experience transferable to looking after elderly people?
In my area there is lots of temp office work at the local university.
Admin jobs at your local further education college

Really sorry the job fell through for you :(

Just office work and recruitment - I don’t have any SEN experience that’s why I was so happy with the new role because it could open other doors for me

OP posts:
soupyspoon · 12/01/2026 19:44

c0uldibeanymoretired · 12/01/2026 19:43

256, it’s not even a fancy car a 17 plate Nissan but when I did the finance 4 years ago I didn’t have a deposit so took the higher finance payments as I was desperate. I only have until next June but assumed I’d have to pay the remaining before changing finance?

Can you do without a car, I suppose not if you're looking into driving roles