Everything is falling apart - please no judgement!

[c0uldibeanymoretired]

I didn’t know what category to put this under.

I’m going through probably the toughest time of my life right now, I just wanted to see if anyone has been in a similar situation or has any advice but please no harsh judgement!

Myself, DP and DS (11m) currently rent privately. I have finished mat leave and I couldn’t go back to my previous role because they couldn’t offer me part time to work around DS nursery days - fine, it happens. I found a new role driving SEN children to and from school locally, the hours worked around my DS. All went well, I completed courses, paid for a DBS etc.

I had a call from the company to say the position in my area isn’t available, the only available position they now have is in a location that’s 1 hour from my house plus the driving around this new location. This doesn’t work due to nursery drop off/pick up etc, the hours are longer it just doesn’t work. Long story short, I basically had to withdraw my application.

DP is self employed, makes good money but not enough to pay all rent, bills, his bills and my personal bill eg car finance, insurance etc…

I’m not entitled to help on UC, I can only get child benefit. I received my last payment from work which was my holiday pay plus more so I got a good sum of money this month to cover everything before my new job came into place.

I did have the 30 funded hours but now I am ‘unemployed’ I haven’t even thought about what’s going to happen to that.

I’m now stressing because we will not be able to afford our rent, now with nursery starting next week which is paid for, we then have to pay over 1k for February, then our rent which is over 1,500k then bills etc which truthfully we cannot cover in the upcoming months. Yes I can take DS out of nursery but the thing that’s more worrying is the living situation.

We’re in contract until August but I’m scared we’re going to be made homeless eventually because of affordability, we don’t have family/friends that can help with such money and frankly, not their problem to help us!

Yes I can look for a new job which I’ve already been doing but finding specific jobs to fit around a schedule is a job in its own, plus the interviewing stages etc who knows how long it could be.

I don’t even know what I’m rambling on about I’m literally in tears and feel like I just need to get it off my chest but embarrassed to do so to friends/family.

We can’t rent somewhere else due to DP being self employed and me with no income - we don’t have a guarantor we live far from family and we only really have eachother.

Has anyone been in a situation where they had to voluntarily become ‘homeless’ - does this mean me and DS will be placed in a hotel/hostel without DP?

if you made it this far, thank you and I probably don’t make 100% sense in this but my head is scrambled!!

Apply for UC, its easy and the worst that can happen is they say no which is unlikely. Its not a big deal with your partner, yes he will have to go in with documents to prove his earnings at an appointed time but he will just have to go ! My husband is self employed and had no issue planning for a appointment.

You should be entitled to new style JSA for up to 6 months. It's not a huge amount and will be deducted pound for pound from any successful UC claim, but it's something, and it's not means tested. As long as you've paid enough NI you should be eligible.

https://www.gov.uk/jobseekers-allowance

Apply for UC as well, it sounds like your circumstances have changed since you last checked.

Yes it would be a joint claim and DP would need to be included in the application and interviews- but you should still apply. Try a benefits calculator such as turn2us. The 5 week wait can be mitigated by a repayable advance. If you need more help contact a local advice service such as citizens advice.

FYI if you do get UC, you'll have access to a hardship payment from them for your first month so you won't be fully with out.

Sounds like you should be eligible for something.

Personally I'd keep the car, for work reasons, but pull the baby out of childcare until you actually need it.

Employment adviser here. Have a look and see if your local college(s) offers the level 2 teaching assistant course. Often it’s only a few weeks long and government funded. Then contact all local primary schools and ask if you can volunteer for a few hours a week to gain experience. Both these things together will really help you find work as
a TA. Perfect job to fit around childcare with scope for promotion.

Yeah I’m definitely looking into UC tonight.

I need my car, I don’t live a walkable distance to shops etc so it’s definitely needed and I’d find it really hard after driving all these years to not.

Thats also another next step, I’m pulling him out of nursery as there’s no point stressing about the fees when I’m at home, I can worry about nursery when it comes down to that but I have a babysitter on the back burner anyway if needed thank god

Are you sure that job was real and not a scam? You shouldn't be paying for your own DBS (for future reference).

A temp agency should be able to get you work pretty quickly in admin.

Do think before giving up your nursery place I can see what you mean but you'll have to get something sorted pretty quickly when you find a job. Rearranging could delay starting.

You are catastrophising about being kicked out if your flat. But that hasn’t happened!
Worry about the things that have happened not the ones that haven’t.
Keep trucking

It’s legit, my aunt works for the same company but in a different location, they’re all over the UK.

I did think about the DBS but where I was eager I just jumped the gun and sorted it myself but they didn’t mention paying to be honest.

I also had to pay for mine...was it Home Instead?

What does your DP do for work? Why couldn’t he switch his hours around to go drop off pickups? What hours does he work?

Please do your own research but I believe within your first year of becoming self employed, you dont have to meet the minimum income to still receive funded hours.

Is there any way we can help you look into finances OP to see if there's any leeway? Particularly around repayment of any debt/mortgage etc?

Hotel cleaning work, they recruit always, various shifts

No judgement from me. Have you used a benefit calculator to see if you would be entitled to anything, if you did not return to work? You would save on nursery costs and might be entitled to some universal credit.

No they’re 24x7 x

Cancel all that as I don’t believe it’s now funded if you’re unemployed.

Care work could work here OP. McDonald’s. Evri driver etc. basically anything will do at this point.

If you register as self employed from now, you get 1 whole year without needing to make an income and qualify for both UC and the nursery hours. You can use that time to either actually go self employed or look for work.

This is what I was wondering. Why does all childcare fall to you OP? Could one drop off and the other pick up? Is him being self employed really working for your family?

You're ignoring questions about your DP. Most self employed people can flex their hours if needed. Why is he leaving this all on you when you could end up in a position where you can't pay your bills? If he isn't willing to help you are probably best leaving him and going on UC until you find a job that is within childcare hours.

Do you think you would enjoy care work? You could easily get a 30 hour contract in a care home and do 3 x 12 hour nights one week and 2 x 12 hour nights the next. That way you can do nursery drop off and pick up if DP can’t, and then sleep while DC is in nursery. Or you could do 12 hour day shifts on the weekends while DP looks after DC and a twilight or morning shift in the week if DP can do some drop offs or pick ups.

He is a scaffolder but working for someone else so he leaves around 5/6am depending on location and home between 3-5, as it isn’t set hours he would be doing pick ups when home early. My role I was going to have meant me being back home for 3:30/4 so it would’ve worked perfect. Sometimes he goes down south for 2-3 days aswell as they have clients down there

I think so. I’m definitely looking into these roles as there are plenty of evenings and weekends

I have just replied about DP to another post.

I don’t want to leave the relationship? He works and pays for a lot for us it’s just it wouldn’t cover everything we have. He is a great father and partner so leaving him to gain more benefits isn’t worth it at all for me. I’ve come from a broken home my main goal is to not repeat that for my DS