Everything is falling apart - please no judgement!

[c0uldibeanymoretired]

I didn’t know what category to put this under.

I’m going through probably the toughest time of my life right now, I just wanted to see if anyone has been in a similar situation or has any advice but please no harsh judgement!

Myself, DP and DS (11m) currently rent privately. I have finished mat leave and I couldn’t go back to my previous role because they couldn’t offer me part time to work around DS nursery days - fine, it happens. I found a new role driving SEN children to and from school locally, the hours worked around my DS. All went well, I completed courses, paid for a DBS etc.

I had a call from the company to say the position in my area isn’t available, the only available position they now have is in a location that’s 1 hour from my house plus the driving around this new location. This doesn’t work due to nursery drop off/pick up etc, the hours are longer it just doesn’t work. Long story short, I basically had to withdraw my application.

DP is self employed, makes good money but not enough to pay all rent, bills, his bills and my personal bill eg car finance, insurance etc…

I’m not entitled to help on UC, I can only get child benefit. I received my last payment from work which was my holiday pay plus more so I got a good sum of money this month to cover everything before my new job came into place.

I did have the 30 funded hours but now I am ‘unemployed’ I haven’t even thought about what’s going to happen to that.

I’m now stressing because we will not be able to afford our rent, now with nursery starting next week which is paid for, we then have to pay over 1k for February, then our rent which is over 1,500k then bills etc which truthfully we cannot cover in the upcoming months. Yes I can take DS out of nursery but the thing that’s more worrying is the living situation.

We’re in contract until August but I’m scared we’re going to be made homeless eventually because of affordability, we don’t have family/friends that can help with such money and frankly, not their problem to help us!

Yes I can look for a new job which I’ve already been doing but finding specific jobs to fit around a schedule is a job in its own, plus the interviewing stages etc who knows how long it could be.

I don’t even know what I’m rambling on about I’m literally in tears and feel like I just need to get it off my chest but embarrassed to do so to friends/family.

We can’t rent somewhere else due to DP being self employed and me with no income - we don’t have a guarantor we live far from family and we only really have eachother.

Has anyone been in a situation where they had to voluntarily become ‘homeless’ - does this mean me and DS will be placed in a hotel/hostel without DP?

if you made it this far, thank you and I probably don’t make 100% sense in this but my head is scrambled!!

Okay perfect I think I’m just worrying 100% more than I usually would but definitely looking into this in the morning thanks for your help x

Unfortunately not, DP doesn’t drive (an ongoing pain but driving lessons are a joke now!) and I need it for taking DS to nursery / anywhere really!

Your local authority usually have a sort of agency section within them to fill roles, do emergency sessional care work, overnight care, driving, etc. See if yours has

I’m so happy it all worked out for you! I’m trying to become more positive and think things will fall into place.

can I ask did you have to start off in a host/hotel or did the place come up straight away for you?

Just an idea, as i know people who have huge monthly car payments (like £800!), but yours isn't that high.
I feel your pain though. I rent privately and it's a huge worry.
I hope things get better for you.

A lot of families are in this situation, rents are skyrocketing and work seems further away.
Is there any way you could stay with family and save really hard. Even in a caravan if someone had space.
Try the local schools for some sort of work.

Firstly your username made me laugh!

I know it’s horrible, the unknown of if your landlord decides they want their place back etc. It’s a vicious cycle I’m now stuck in, I’ve been renting since I was 18 so no chance of saving for a mortgage especially in this day and age.

Could it be worth looking at evening/nights shifts for the moment until you find yourself a permanent job that suits your nursery hours?

I think you'll be able to find a job 💪 I'm sure you will.

They always need carers or drivers for carers and will probably be happy to offer you whatever hours you can do.

Just get something to tide you over before you find something else

Same. I'm 55 and I've been renting forever. Fortunately I only have myself to look after as I don't have kids. The future is a constant worry. 🌹

Suggest looking at shops like M&S, Tesco etc. I know from experience M&S are good with people with children. Also once you’ve been there a bit, you get discount which can make a big difference to your food shop

I was offered the flat the week I moved out of the house by the local authority. I was all boxed up with no where to go until I was offered the flat the day I handed my keys into the landlord. Do you have your name down with the licsl
authority? My ex sis in law was in the same position and moved into temp accommodation. After a year she was offered a three bedroom house for her and her three children.

Have you thought about working in early years? So many settings are short staffed and many will take on unqualified staff and train them up if suited to the role. And you get staff discount.

Get rid of the finance car and get get a cheap runabout to start with.

Has your DH genuinely done everything he can to flex his working hours to help your work search? I know most self employed men will say they need to work certain hours and can’t possibly flex but I also know many self employed women manage to adapt their business around childcare.
It won’t be in any way ideal. But you’re talking about possible homelessness. If he needs to start a bit later or finish earlier to cover childcare to allow you to take a potential job then he needs to consider it. This isn’t just all on you.

It might not be what you want to do long term, but McDonald’s are often recruiting and are really good at fitting round peoples availability, especially if you were willing to do weekend shifts whilst your partner looked after little one.

Also, try and do everything within your power to reduce all other spending, to give you a bit longer before it all gets scary. Turn off any subscriptions, cancel any non essential direct debits etc. Get a food bank referral and eat what you’ve got so you don’t spend out on food.

You need to apply online for UC, they don't do applications over the phone. But you can find out if you're eligible beforehand, Google entitledto or Turn2us, these are benefits calculators that should tell you what you will get. You can also apply for an advance before your first payment if needed.

You have a car so I would honestly do something like UberEats or Deliveroo. You could start straight away if you have a DBS, and the hours are completely flexible. You would also then be registered as self employed so you'd still get your nursery funding.

Why is the child in nursery if you’re not working?

Sorry you’re in this situation OP. It can feel like the rug has been pulled from under you at times like these. I have found the local Citizens advice bureau helpful in the past. I would focus on finding any job to tide you over short term (as you have been) and then you can look for something more sustainable. Also it’s worth speaking to the nursery about the free hours as apparently they do have some discretion if you are between jobs rather than permanently unemployed.

People say this all the time like it's so easy.

How do you expect OP to "get rid" of the finance car? You can't sell a car that has outstanding finance, and it doesn't sound like OP has the money to pay it off. You can hand it back to the finance company after a certain point, but if it's near the end of the finance and you've paid loads of interest why would you hand it back and have nothing, when a few months later at least you'd own it.

Even if she did hand it back to the finance company, how is she meant to pay for this cheap run around you speak of?

This is why so many people on lower incomes get stuck with car finance. If you have a car and it breaks, sometimes you have no choice but to take out finance where the monthly payments are just about manageable, because you physically don't have over £1000 to buy a cheap second hand car outright.

You CAN claim UC and you can get an Advanced Payment as soon as your details, ID will be checked. Call them tomorrow or simply start claim online.

I had the nursery sorted in time for my new role to begin and wanted him to start while I had a week between jobs just incase he was unsettled etc.

Thank you!

its easier said than done, I had cheap run arounds for every car but they all ended up having some sort of problem hence why I did finance to get a newer car and touch wood, no problems in the 4 years I’ve had it. It’s paid off in June but as you said, I don’t have the finances to pay off the remaining

In the meantime, contact some local employment agencies - they will be able to offer temp work, cleaning etc and you should be able to start quite quickly.

Sorry if this is a stupid question but could you go back to your old job full time rather than part time?