Everything is falling apart - please no judgement!

[c0uldibeanymoretired]

I didn’t know what category to put this under.

I’m going through probably the toughest time of my life right now, I just wanted to see if anyone has been in a similar situation or has any advice but please no harsh judgement!

Myself, DP and DS (11m) currently rent privately. I have finished mat leave and I couldn’t go back to my previous role because they couldn’t offer me part time to work around DS nursery days - fine, it happens. I found a new role driving SEN children to and from school locally, the hours worked around my DS. All went well, I completed courses, paid for a DBS etc.

I had a call from the company to say the position in my area isn’t available, the only available position they now have is in a location that’s 1 hour from my house plus the driving around this new location. This doesn’t work due to nursery drop off/pick up etc, the hours are longer it just doesn’t work. Long story short, I basically had to withdraw my application.

DP is self employed, makes good money but not enough to pay all rent, bills, his bills and my personal bill eg car finance, insurance etc…

I’m not entitled to help on UC, I can only get child benefit. I received my last payment from work which was my holiday pay plus more so I got a good sum of money this month to cover everything before my new job came into place.

I did have the 30 funded hours but now I am ‘unemployed’ I haven’t even thought about what’s going to happen to that.

I’m now stressing because we will not be able to afford our rent, now with nursery starting next week which is paid for, we then have to pay over 1k for February, then our rent which is over 1,500k then bills etc which truthfully we cannot cover in the upcoming months. Yes I can take DS out of nursery but the thing that’s more worrying is the living situation.

We’re in contract until August but I’m scared we’re going to be made homeless eventually because of affordability, we don’t have family/friends that can help with such money and frankly, not their problem to help us!

Yes I can look for a new job which I’ve already been doing but finding specific jobs to fit around a schedule is a job in its own, plus the interviewing stages etc who knows how long it could be.

I don’t even know what I’m rambling on about I’m literally in tears and feel like I just need to get it off my chest but embarrassed to do so to friends/family.

We can’t rent somewhere else due to DP being self employed and me with no income - we don’t have a guarantor we live far from family and we only really have eachother.

Has anyone been in a situation where they had to voluntarily become ‘homeless’ - does this mean me and DS will be placed in a hotel/hostel without DP?

if you made it this far, thank you and I probably don’t make 100% sense in this but my head is scrambled!!

do you have a street what’s app? There is always someone who is stuck and wanting a helping hand and willing to pay. E.g shopping for elderly, mothers help, picking up kids from school. You could try and add another child when you have just yours with you. Baby sitting, dog walking, cat pop ins

My cleaner is £18.50 per hr that’s the going rate not even the top rate.

Where do you live? There is so many people desperate for help and willing to pay. I personally wouldn’t go into a sen TA role unless you totally enjoy it paid peanuts (people do it for the love of it you will get more money being a cleaner).

Lidl/ Aldi look up those too

Nightshift care work? I had to do this when dc were young. I got in touch with all local homes and said what nights I would be available. I thought they would have just put me on bank shifts but they bit my hand off to have me working the same three nights every week as they were so short staffed. It may only be minimum wage but three nights a week would give you around £1500 a month.

Definitely looking into this! There are hundreds of positions local to me

Try joining local Facebook groups and advertising PA work for SEN children. Plenty of parents are looking for childcare or school runs. I’m sure you would find something quite quickly.

You should speak to the housing advice team at your local council, they can give you advice even if you have not yet been served with notice but you’re worried that you might not be able to cover your rent. It’s known as early intervention and prevention and there should be good advice and support to prevent a family from becoming homeless. They would rather you contacted them now than when it’s at the crisis stage.

Have a serious think on mobile care work(you need a car) the hours are very flexible, I fitted in around my family life( the money was okay as well) you also make such a difference to peoples lives. Pretty much what you can offer to work they will snatch you up on it, or even a bank position. It’s honestly so flexible, maybe a care home too I just know for me it was more flexible mobile. Also job career progression as well for future. Good luck try not to worry xx

Care work (particularly nursing home nightshifts).
Supermarket shelf stacking (late shift when your husband is at home)
Hotel cleaning.
Housing support worker (you'd need your car).

Even applying as bank staff to a number of different companies/ organisations, you'll likely get offered loads of shifts.

Good luck OP. 💐

I had to pay for my own DBS for a teaching supply agency. Think this is the norm

Would it not work out better to go back full time and up nursery hours? If not that nursery, another?

"Has anyone been in a situation where they had to voluntarily become ‘homeless’ - does this mean me and DS will be placed in a hotel/hostel without DP?"

Whatever you do, do NOT voluntarily make yourself homeless. If you do, your Council is under no obligation to rehouse you. A lot will depend on the area you live in, and the availability of social housing. Even the housing department will advise you not to leave until the bailiffs are at the door with a court order to evict you. It is not a nice route have to go but at a guess you at least 12 months away from that happening, even if you do fall into arrears. Shelter are very good with advice. Even a read on their website will show you how long these processes take.

My mums cleaner set herself up with her own business because she wanted to fit around her daughters school times ( daughter is now 22 but where we are there was no before and after school provision years ago). She has clients for 5 days a week because she is free to do that ( 2 in the morning, lunch hour, 2 in the afternoon ). She gets clients by word of mouth because she's fantastic and has a waiting list. All her clients are older couples/ widows/ widowers like my mum. She loves the job, is fantastic at it. Could you fo something like that Op. She uses the clients equipment and cleaning products so there's no outlay

How long has your DP been self employed for? If he has proof of good, reliable income then you don't always need a guarantor.

The work you are looking into is quite low paid so may not satisfy a letting agency.
Financially I don't think it makes sense for you to work and put your child in nursery. You'd be spending more than you earn on nursery fees. If I understand correctly, you've already paid for Jan (and Feb?) nursery fees? If you then didn't use nursery from March could you save like mad in order to have a larger deposit for a rental property?

Sorry, if I haven't understood your situation properly.

your landlord might give you a rent holiday or reduction for a month or two. We did this for a flat we rent when the couple asked us.

Came here to say this as a former bank HCA. You could apply as bank staff to an agency, theyll snap your hand off. You have a car, so you're can travel and cos your bank staff you can pretty much offer what your availability and they'll find you work. Even if you have to work nights for a while and leave your husband with the baby. You've got a DBS, that's all they'll want. They mostly offer free training. Moneys not great but it's a job. Fingers crossed for you.

Happy to be roasted but this is just wild... Partner is SE so surely he can do the pick up/drop offs some days? The child is at nursery (fully funded) for 30 hours... Get a job within those hours, cleaning, shop work etc... get a job to work round your partners... Its hard when you have young children (I had two within 14m) but you do what you have to do to make it work... Dog walking? Weekend work? When you have a family to provide for, you do what needs to be done. Id of personally took the job 1 hour away and got DP to pick the child up from nursery when needed.. that way you had a foot in the door if the other applicant in the local area didnt work out etc...

Whole situation seems absolutely wild

Cleaners, dog walkers, the market is saturated. Do you have a dog? like dogs, you need insurance too.

Not just as easy as be a dog walker lol.

The best advice ive seen is care home work if you think thats you. Care homes always need staff.

Dont worry about being homeless. If your good tenants also and always pay your rent, your landlord maybe a bit flexible.

Landlords value good tenants.

OP, just to come back to this, you mentioned applying for TA jobs, but as this PP suggests, look for temp agencies supplying TAs. My friend does this and can choose when she works, and if pays better. She had no experience at all with schools, having previously worked in a supermarket. She just had to have decent character references and obviously pass the safety checks.

Edit: sorry, just seen another of your posts and think you maybe have applied for similar? Good luck with it all :)

Does care work pay an enhanced rate for overnights and weekends? Interested for myself.

1. Speak to the local housing team
2. Why worry about the 5 week wait on UC - you've already said you have a bit of money to tide you over. If it's not enough you can get an advance payment from UC.
3. You won't get help with childcare costs from UC unless you're both working.
4. Your DH will need to take some time off work to do the interview. This is normal.

You don’t have to answer this but are you worried about claiming UC as your dp can’t prove his income? I know a lot of trades work cash in hand/or are not on the books.

That really depends on the home. Where I worked you got the same hourly rate overnight but paid for the full 12 hours as due to less staff you were not allowed to leave the home on your break. Day staff only got paid for the 11 hours (1 hour unpaid break) so over the month it was about an extra £150 for nothing really.
Care work can be hard but it’s so rewarding and I’ve always been lucky to have great colleagues. Nowadays so many of your coworkers are likely to be Indian/african which is great for learning new things and we always have so many laughs with my strong local accent that makes a lot of things lost in translation.
I always find that even though the money isn’t great there’s always extra shifts to pick up and co-workers are flexible with each other. If you’re sick one day someone would happily swap at short notice so that you did not lose a shift that week etc if you get into a good home where the focus is on the residents everyone sort of pulls together to make things as good as possible for them.

Why do you need to send your child in to paid nursery if you are not working? Surely you could look after him yourself? That would ease the financial pressure.

Look at NHS jobs, there are a lot of vacancies locally for secretaries, admin roles etc. Apply and see if you get shortlisted for anything. How about retail and stacking shelves,till etc. Also speak to your family and tell them the situation, I would help my siblings if they were in trouble.

Err no, my partner was self employed but had specific working hours in the company he worked for, quite common in the construction/building trades. So he wouldn’t have been able to just pop off and collect any of our children from school/nursery on a regular basis. Unless he wanted to lose his contract (job). Self employed doesn’t always mean you work for yourself with your own hours/rules!

Not many construction workers work til 7pm... There will be something he can do.. if not and he is working crazy hours self employed but not making enough money to pay the bills - surely work around his hours? Look for alternate employment etc? Making yourself voluntarily homeless wouldn't be top of my list of solutions personally