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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Everything is falling apart - please no judgement!

119 replies

c0uldibeanymoretired · 12/01/2026 18:58

I didn’t know what category to put this under.

I’m going through probably the toughest time of my life right now, I just wanted to see if anyone has been in a similar situation or has any advice but please no harsh judgement!

Myself, DP and DS (11m) currently rent privately. I have finished mat leave and I couldn’t go back to my previous role because they couldn’t offer me part time to work around DS nursery days - fine, it happens. I found a new role driving SEN children to and from school locally, the hours worked around my DS. All went well, I completed courses, paid for a DBS etc.

I had a call from the company to say the position in my area isn’t available, the only available position they now have is in a location that’s 1 hour from my house plus the driving around this new location. This doesn’t work due to nursery drop off/pick up etc, the hours are longer it just doesn’t work. Long story short, I basically had to withdraw my application.

DP is self employed, makes good money but not enough to pay all rent, bills, his bills and my personal bill eg car finance, insurance etc…

I’m not entitled to help on UC, I can only get child benefit. I received my last payment from work which was my holiday pay plus more so I got a good sum of money this month to cover everything before my new job came into place.

I did have the 30 funded hours but now I am ‘unemployed’ I haven’t even thought about what’s going to happen to that.

I’m now stressing because we will not be able to afford our rent, now with nursery starting next week which is paid for, we then have to pay over 1k for February, then our rent which is over 1,500k then bills etc which truthfully we cannot cover in the upcoming months. Yes I can take DS out of nursery but the thing that’s more worrying is the living situation.

We’re in contract until August but I’m scared we’re going to be made homeless eventually because of affordability, we don’t have family/friends that can help with such money and frankly, not their problem to help us!

Yes I can look for a new job which I’ve already been doing but finding specific jobs to fit around a schedule is a job in its own, plus the interviewing stages etc who knows how long it could be.

I don’t even know what I’m rambling on about I’m literally in tears and feel like I just need to get it off my chest but embarrassed to do so to friends/family.

We can’t rent somewhere else due to DP being self employed and me with no income - we don’t have a guarantor we live far from family and we only really have eachother.

Has anyone been in a situation where they had to voluntarily become ‘homeless’ - does this mean me and DS will be placed in a hotel/hostel without DP?

if you made it this far, thank you and I probably don’t make 100% sense in this but my head is scrambled!!

OP posts:
Netcurtainnelly · 13/01/2026 13:47

c0uldibeanymoretired · 12/01/2026 22:00

I have just replied about DP to another post.

I don’t want to leave the relationship? He works and pays for a lot for us it’s just it wouldn’t cover everything we have. He is a great father and partner so leaving him to gain more benefits isn’t worth it at all for me. I’ve come from a broken home my main goal is to not repeat that for my DS

When you ask strangers, you get allsortsof rubbish advice. Leave him thats terrible.
Dont blame you for ignoring that one. .Something will turn up. You'll make it happen.

Loads of people in the same boat.

c0uldibeanymoretired · 13/01/2026 14:17

Seasaltlady · 13/01/2026 10:48

Why do you need to send your child in to paid nursery if you are not working? Surely you could look after him yourself? That would ease the financial pressure.

I don’t need to but I had already paid for the last 2 weeks of January before this happened and paid deposit for his space etc so he’ll obviously be going this month as that’s paid for, I can pull him out after if needed

OP posts:
c0uldibeanymoretired · 13/01/2026 14:19

Cherrypie0210 · 13/01/2026 12:34

Err no, my partner was self employed but had specific working hours in the company he worked for, quite common in the construction/building trades. So he wouldn’t have been able to just pop off and collect any of our children from school/nursery on a regular basis. Unless he wanted to lose his contract (job). Self employed doesn’t always mean you work for yourself with your own hours/rules!

Yeah same as DP, he doesn’t always work local - tbh rarely works local so he couldn’t just leave to go and do pick ups, his boss will just tell him to find elsewhere

OP posts:
c0uldibeanymoretired · 13/01/2026 14:20

Florencesndzebedee · 13/01/2026 00:53

You don’t have to answer this but are you worried about claiming UC as your dp can’t prove his income? I know a lot of trades work cash in hand/or are not on the books.

His pay is all over, sometimes on the books, sometimes not. Not his choice as he prefers to do it properly and then get the tax return but his boss decides how he’s paying him that week

OP posts:
bert3400 · 13/01/2026 14:22

Do they still have recruitment agencies in the UK ? Sorry I don't live in the UK any longer. When I lost my job when DC were little I got a part time job through an agency, I loved the job so much I got taken on permanently when a position became available.

x2boys · 13/01/2026 14:29

c0uldibeanymoretired · 12/01/2026 19:16

When I tried this on mat leave, I received a good enough payment monthly so couldn’t get it but I’m going to call them tomorrow and see what happens, it’s all a bit confusing to me online because it says I need to do a joint claim with DP as we live together but when we did that it was saying he needs to go in for interviews to prove his working as he’s self employed but he can’t due to being in work… so it’s just something I need to speak to an actual human about. It may change now but even so it takes up to 5 weeks for a claim to be accepted so it’s just panic mode atm

The interviews are usually short they will just need proof of earnings, it seems ridiculous that you are not getting a potential UC becsuse your partner wont attend an interview, what's more important ?Losing your home or your partner taking an hour or do off work?

lifeinmyfortress · 13/01/2026 14:34

UC joint claim-amount may vary every 4 weeks if your partner's income changes from month to month.You need to make the claim, then you know where you stand.As others have said, if you are awarded UC there are associated help with childcare costs, also help with rent.You may also be eligible for v.cheap social tariffs for phone, internet etc. if you get UC.Hag moneyve you looked on your local council's website for help with costs of living?Each area has a Local Household Fund which can help you-any if you do get UC, you can apply for an Advance Payment to tide you over, you just have to agree that a certain amount is deducted each month from your UC until it is repaid.Good Luck.

c0uldibeanymoretired · 13/01/2026 17:22

Just wanted to update anybody who is interested!

Thank you all for your help and advice, I have a call booked in tomorrow for a local care home where I can do evenings/weekends which will be amazing! Fingers crossed

OP posts:
Ihateboris · 13/01/2026 18:08

c0uldibeanymoretired · 13/01/2026 17:22

Just wanted to update anybody who is interested!

Thank you all for your help and advice, I have a call booked in tomorrow for a local care home where I can do evenings/weekends which will be amazing! Fingers crossed

Brilliant news...everything crossed for you x

ZippyPeer · 13/01/2026 19:11

Best of luck!

c0uldibeanymoretired · 21/01/2026 15:29

Last update!

I have been offered a care assistant role and I’m starting in 2 weeks so everything has worked out well! Thanks again for everyone’s advice xx

OP posts:
Ihateboris · 21/01/2026 15:34

c0uldibeanymoretired · 21/01/2026 15:29

Last update!

I have been offered a care assistant role and I’m starting in 2 weeks so everything has worked out well! Thanks again for everyone’s advice xx

Well done, great news. May I ask what the hourly rate is (you don't have to answer ). What qualifications do you need?

Fbfbfvfvv · 21/01/2026 15:34

@c0uldibeanymoretired Im pleased to hear everything has worked out! Wishing you all the best in your new job 💐

c0uldibeanymoretired · 21/01/2026 15:40

Ihateboris · 21/01/2026 15:34

Well done, great news. May I ask what the hourly rate is (you don't have to answer ). What qualifications do you need?

No qualifications needed, I’m doing a weeks long training course and then you go onto shadowing other carers for about 5 days and if you’re comfortable you start going out on your own.

Where I am it’s £16-£19ph but they offer higher rates on bank holidays and evenings which is good!

OP posts:
Ihateboris · 21/01/2026 15:44

c0uldibeanymoretired · 21/01/2026 15:40

No qualifications needed, I’m doing a weeks long training course and then you go onto shadowing other carers for about 5 days and if you’re comfortable you start going out on your own.

Where I am it’s £16-£19ph but they offer higher rates on bank holidays and evenings which is good!

Thank you so much..I'm also desperate for some extra income (,even though I already work full-time), but i thought I could apply for weekend work. This gives me hope as I have no qualifications. Good luck with everything x

c0uldibeanymoretired · 21/01/2026 15:46

Ihateboris · 21/01/2026 15:44

Thank you so much..I'm also desperate for some extra income (,even though I already work full-time), but i thought I could apply for weekend work. This gives me hope as I have no qualifications. Good luck with everything x

you definitely could! Where I am it’s every other weekend so if you did that you’d still have a break and you can choose your hours as well.
Type in care assistant on indeed and so many will come up, or just google care assistant in your area and fill in the websites forms and they’ll call you back.
The care industry is so short staffed you will get something.

OP posts:
Ihateboris · 21/01/2026 15:48

c0uldibeanymoretired · 21/01/2026 15:46

you definitely could! Where I am it’s every other weekend so if you did that you’d still have a break and you can choose your hours as well.
Type in care assistant on indeed and so many will come up, or just google care assistant in your area and fill in the websites forms and they’ll call you back.
The care industry is so short staffed you will get something.

You've given me the motivation to apply! Thank you 😊

ladyofshertonabbas · 21/01/2026 16:07

This does involve jumping through a few hoops, but could you look at getting a taxi license so you can drive kids to school, or maybe just general taxi jobs? It can pay well and be flexible. Good luck OP.

TiredSENMummy · 08/03/2026 20:16

Now that you have your dbs, perhaps look into PA work. You can choose your own hours a lot of the time.

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