Not many people are attractive

[ChicJoker]

Hear me out.

I’ve downloaded a few dating apps over the past week or so. I’m actually astonished by how many people are unattractive. I know beauty is subjective,
so let’s say conventionally attractive for the sake of this thread. But what on earth?

I know there are good looking people out there because I see plenty on social media. But I hardly ever notice anyone out and about that is OBVIOUSLY gorgeous. When I do see them it’s a head turning kind of energy but is that because it’s so few and far between?

im bi so I’m talking about men and women here. Aside from not being naturally conventionally attractive people seem to take no pride in appearance in how they dress, how they maintain themselves, their body/figures, teeth even!! Nobody seems to “make the best of themselves” iyswim

fwiw I know there’s much more to a person than their appearance but when on a dating app usually the first thing you’re looking at is if you fancy them.

aibu?

I think the problem is dating apps.

Most people aren't particularly photogenic, even when they are nice looking in person . And a static picture looks like crap a lot of the time, you get none of their charm, if they have a nice speaking voice, a nice way of moving, that is totally lost.

My boss is an example, looks like a dork in pictures, very bald, middling teeth, a bit of a pot belly. But actually has some real presence and charisma.

Being photogenic is at most half of sex appeal. So even before you get to things like humour, intelligence, interesting conversation, kindness, you have cut out a lot of what makes someone attractive from the equation.

Yep, I look like a bag of empty bollocks in photos. In real life people say I’m attractive. The animation of the smile does it all

Take it you're a stunner?

I think maybe twice in my life I’ve done the double take when I’ve seen a stunningly attractive man, as in perfectly white, straight teeth, symmetrical perfectly proportioned features and a thick head of hair that could have been photographic models, but really it’s the personality plus their outward attractiveness that makes for a good mate. The only really unattractive people I’ve met have been people who haven’t looked after themselves and have lost teeth etc that affects the shape of their face.

Also, attraction is so subjective isn’t it. I’ve been with dh 25 years and still look at him and think “cor”! (I also sometimes look at him and think “you dick” but you know what I mean)

I’ve only ever felt like that about one other man whom I had a short relationship with but who was not classically good looking at all, bald and portly.

Had quite a few other relationships/flings before dh but never had that “phwoar” feeling and always went off them very quickly.

You definitely can’t tell someone’s attractiveness from a photo either.

How someone looks should be the most boring thing about them.

Only ugly people say that..

Joke!

Initial looks are important, but appearance is VERY subjective.

I find women with too much makeup very unattractive. I also find filled lips really awful, and I can't stand "Turkey teeth" (veneers). Fake tans are also quite a turn off.

I am much more attracted to natural looking people who smile and look genuinely happy.

I agree with figure though - I am attracted to healthy looking people who exercise to look after their health.

Clothes - whatever. A person who is comfortable and confident is attractive, so that could be anything. I wear joggers/jeans and a t-shirt mostly. I actually think I look OK in them (5ft 11 and slim). But no, I do not dress to impress. I'm ok with that.

But good looks are nothing if you don't have the right personal connection.

You can start to find someone physically attractive once you realise how attracted you are to their personality, but if you don't like someone's personality then it's impossible to find them attractive physically. That's why they say that lots of the best relationships actually start with friendship, or people you meet through a mutual interest then start dating when you actually already know each other.

Most women are average but some women know how to dress to suit their body shape , accessorise, have a hair style / eyebrows to suit their face and can apply make up well . If a woman is young , slim with long hair she is attractive to men . The rest is packaging.

Men don’t have to be handsome to attract women. Men with Height, good hygiene/ grooming and are caring with a good sense of humour attract women.

Good Posture for both sexes is important too as it conveys confidence.

Wow 🤔

Still having to use the apps though? Everyone else is the problem?

Liz Taylor was a beautiful woman too. As I said, all subjective but I wouldn't call Liz Taylor overrated. Each to their own. DH thinks Marilyn Monroe was plain and dull. I'm like 'do you have EYES?!' 😲

She was a goddess, but just IMO Norma Jean Baker was even more stunning

Only boring people would think that...

I agree with this. Have known some very attractive people who look 'nice' in photos but not traffic-stoppingly gorgeous.

I also think young men are not very attractive at the moment. I'm too old and not in the market but I see lots of quite lovely looking women with average (or less) looking men. Maybe the current aesthetic is just not to my taste?

In real life you would find someone more (or less) attractive depending on their personality. I have been married 15 years and if I saw a photo of him back then I probably wouldn't have gone for him but I fell for his personality/humour which made him more attractive. OLD is part of the reason people are so superficial now!

Not really, but OLD apps are seen as meat markets for those who can’t seem to meet people in real life.

But - to be honest, if you’re relying on looks alone, you will end up disappointed.

Your looks won’t be seen as that good by some males, and their looks won’t match up to your criteria.

Sexual and other attraction comes and stays in various ways - not just about looks. Male or female, looks fade in time. 🙄

I agree with your DH. I have no idea why people think that Marylin was a beauty. The beauties of that age were IMO Hayworth, Gardner, Vivien Leigh, Veronica Lake. Marilyn was pretty-ish.

She was no more than pleasant looking IMO. I think her charm was maybe in her facial expression, she has a very sweet face and looks kind. But she doesn't have outstanding facial features or great bone structure.

I suppose if you think about it you don’t see many people walking down the street, on the school run or at work that you think are gorgeous do you? Maybe 1 or 2. But what does seem to happen is that you click with someone and then they become more attractive to you. When I went on the apps I was properly upset that no one that I thought was good looking swiped on me. Maybe I’m really average? Or maybe I just don’t fancy anyone until I’ve gotten to know them? I’ve only really fancied about 6 people in my adult life really. It’s a weird thing isn’t it.

Beauty really is so subjective. There are certain features that are universally considered attractive, like clear skin, largeish eyes, straight nose, even teeth, healthy weight. Aside from that, though, it really is personal taste. I remember reading a few years ago that Bella Hadid was considered to be the most beautiful woman currently alive. I don't know who was asked for the magazine or poll (I think it might've been Buzzfeed) to come to this conclusion. They certainly didn't ask me, as to my eyes Bella is attractive enough but nothing outstanding.

That's true...I look a right munter in photos but quite nice in videos! 😄

This got me thinking. I think sometimes the most average looking person can be ridiculously attractive - sometimes it’s just tiny little things like a dirty laugh, a twinkle in the eye, perhaps dimples when they smile or nice arms / hands or whatever that might not necessarily photograph. For me it’s very much more than looks, more about charisma, sense of humour and their energy /vibe.