Not many people are attractive

[ChicJoker]

Hear me out.

I’ve downloaded a few dating apps over the past week or so. I’m actually astonished by how many people are unattractive. I know beauty is subjective,
so let’s say conventionally attractive for the sake of this thread. But what on earth?

I know there are good looking people out there because I see plenty on social media. But I hardly ever notice anyone out and about that is OBVIOUSLY gorgeous. When I do see them it’s a head turning kind of energy but is that because it’s so few and far between?

im bi so I’m talking about men and women here. Aside from not being naturally conventionally attractive people seem to take no pride in appearance in how they dress, how they maintain themselves, their body/figures, teeth even!! Nobody seems to “make the best of themselves” iyswim

fwiw I know there’s much more to a person than their appearance but when on a dating app usually the first thing you’re looking at is if you fancy them.

aibu?

Are you sure your bi - maybe your vein-sexual - only attracted to the most vein people.

To be fair, you have a point there and if OP had said that, I don't think she would have caught so much heat. I hate seeing people dressed like slobs.

I literally said it’s subjective and people don’t take pride in their appearance? 😂

Dating apps use an algorithm to match you with people generally of your own “attractiveness”.

I don’t want to sound like a dick, but the people I know who complain about looks on there, have very high standards that are unrealistic in comparison to themselves.

What you take as no pride in appearance might be “takes as much pride as I value appearance “

Yes I agree actually. I think it's bonkers to say not many people are attractive. If I went to town tomorrow, I could pass 1000 people, and the majority of them would be attractive, handsome, pretty, or decent/reasonable/average. I don't find many people physically ugly. But anyway, even then it's all subjective. Some people find Benedict Cumberbatch appealing, and the guy who was in the modern Star Wars as Han and Leia's son, (Adam Driver,) but I find them both really odd looking/unnattractive.

Beauty is subjective but very few people are ugly/repugnant IMO. My friend at school thought John Travolta was proper ugly (in the 1970s.) I thought he was gorgeous!😆

Then again, very few people are utterly gorgeous, and even those who present as such, are often polished/have make up on/botox etc... Not many people are utterly stunning naturally.

Again, all subjective. One of my neighbours - aged 45 - is often seen in her casual clothes in the village, and little make up and messy dark hair. Looks like Liz Taylor! She is sooooo stunning. Gorgeous green eyes, very thick long-ish dark hair, and a nice smile. She is curvy too. Also very popular with the men - unsurprisingly! Good thing is she doesn't see it herself so she's not conceited.

She looks so much like this........

I know that I don’t photograph well. I think this, and others have told me unprompted. I have seen two famous people in real life who looked much better than they looked on TV or in photos. Perhaps it’s the same with some people on the sites you’re looking on.

I know a man who is incredibly picky about women. He is always complaining that there are too many fat women out there, and he has a shopping list of requirements for a potential girlfriend. He has also been single for as long as I have known him, as he cannot offer that which he demands.

I can't comment on attractiveness levels on these dating apps because I have zero experience but an awful lot of people are not photogenic. In addition, what you see on Instagram are highly edited photos so you can't compare the two platforms.
In the real world meanwhile, there a lot of attractive people of both sexes of all ages. Some can make themselves look more attractive at will. But in real life you see the whole person, harmony in proportions and movement. You can't capture this in random photos very successfully.
What I would say thought, in real life there are very, very, very few truly naturally beautiful people. Attractive- plenty, insipid looking- plenty, ugly - quite a lot of them. But ugliness often goes with some sort of meanness that individual is projecting, their personality.

I agree. I also think that a lot of celebrities who we are told are stunning are not. This is even worse in the Instagram age. The Kardashians and Hailey Bieber spring to mind as ones who need filter to look good. Plus most 'influencers'.

Relatively few people are photogentic. Most people are reasonably attractive in their own way - absolutely unattractive is very rare. But it's just that their type of attractive isn't to your taste.

I feel that many people as they age lose attractiveness too. I'm in my 40's yet when I look at men my age or ten or so years older, which I once did, I don't find them in general attractive or to have put much effort in.

Most men to me are most attractive up to the age and including early 40's, probably mostly late 20's and throughout 30's would say is at their prime attractiveness wise. I doubt many would be looking at me though, or at my age group, on apps.

Yep, moreso men between mid to late 40s and mid 60s. Balding, fat, average looking, beer belly, probably crap in bed, and yet recoils at the thought of being with an average looking fat woman his own age! They all assume they're going to get a gorgeous, 30-38 year old, slim, professional woman.

None of these gorgeous women in their 30s are looking for 58 year old fat and balding Dave who earns half as much as her, drives a 14 year old Vauxhall Astra, who can't keep it up for more than 30 seconds, and will very likely expect her to do the cooking and housework.. They want someone equal to them. And a similar age.

George Clooney, Brad Pitt, Chris Hemsworth… I just don’t see it. I can see they look conventional but there's no sparkle. Declan Donnelly has the sparkle and wit and even though I like tall men I’m sure he could win me over! 😂

Yabu. Style and personality are far more attractive to me than conventional good looks in bloody chinos and a polo shirt. I like them grizzly and outdoorsy with great taste in music...looks and height don't come into it.

My DH is still the one for me and at 53 is still chef’s kiss. 😂

This is a good game. OP is -

a) Samantha Brick,
b) a teenage lad in pants and grubby white socks waiting for his mum to call him down to tea,
c) a thirty year old man who has had absolutely no luck whatsover in finding and holding down any kind of relationship with a woman who isn't inflatable.

d) a drop dead gorgeous woman whose standards are so high that she cannot find a suitable partner despite having the choice of all the single men and women in the world both in real life and online.
e) the sort of poster who starts a thread with 'Hear me out".

Place your votes

Yeah,I think Mel Blatt from All Saints is a good example. Looks much better live/on video than she does on photographs.

Kim and Hailey are absolutely gorgeous in person.

Hailey’s skin really is flawless. Not sure why you think they need filters?

I’ve worked with both and I don’t know anyone who would say they aren’t beautiful.

I'm going with c.

What I don’t understand about dating apps is why so many men (not sure about women) post very unflattering pictures of themselves eg lots of men in their 50s with the camera pointing underneath their double chin and a grimace. No smile or pose or attempt to look at least a bit friendly.

In real life I don’t think many people are that attractive but most people are passable. I have a few friends who are absolutely gorgeous and one who in her 50s still turns heads wherever she goes.

I agree with pps that you can be attracted to people who are not conventionally attractive. I went out with a man for a while and every time I met up with him I felt shocked for about half an hour at how plain he was but then I would forget because he was very good company and likeable.

Maybe it’s because I’m getting older but I tend to think the opposite, particularly about women. So many women have a ‘glow up’ once they leave a partner and re-enter the dating game and I think they look lovely, even if it’s quite clear they’re not super models.

Men not so much… although I don’t think I’ve looked at anyone and thought “OMG you’re ugly!” In fairness, I’m happily married and don’t use dating apps so my exposure is limited to friends showing me profiles and random things cropping up on social media, so that may have something to do with it.

I also think that most people are more attractive in person than in photos as it’s quite hard to pull a good pose, even with all the filters available now.

I think it’s harder to assess attractiveness from a photo only - which is the basis of OLD.

Ive met guys IRL who I have been super attractive too but would probably swipe left if I saw a photo only an app. This also goes the other way in that I’ve met conventionally good looking/handsome men who did look like their photos but I didn’t necessarily find them attractive

I think most people of a normal weight who make some sort of effort are attractive,

There are few genuinely ugly people. Things like bad teeth can be fixed with time and (a lot of) money.

I don’t know about looks wise? People are definitely sloppier, casual aka jogger bottoms etc. Half brushed hair bunched up or not styled.
As a child we always dressed in our best on a Sunday.
I am guilty of choosing comfort over style a lot of the time too.