AIBU to make teenage DD get a job

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DD is 17 in a few months, she attends college 3 days a week, Tuesday to Thursday. On her days off she literally just stays in her room for 4 days on the run in her pyjamas. She only comes out for food and will usually sleep in until at least midday. When she is in her room I usually hear her playing with her friends online or FaceTiming them, or sometimes she is just on her phone or doing stuff. She probably goes out once a month of a weekend with her friends. She’s generally a good kid, cleans up after herself, sorts herself out mostly and doesn’t cause me any issues.

my issue is that I just don’t think it’s healthy, she has some anxiety issues so understand her reluctance to get a job but surely it’s not good for anyone’s mental health to be sat in a bedroom for 4 days straight? I WFH on a Monday and Friday so sometimes it’s just me and her in the house and I’ll ask her if she wants to come the shops or for a Starbucks during my lunch hour just the two of us just to get her out but she always just says no.

AIBU to think she should get a job just to get her out the house and amongst people or should I just leave her be?

also please be kind, I just worry it’s not good for her and didn’t know if this was normal teenage behaviour. She gets pocket money and can get by with what she gets and has told me she doesn’t need any extra money.

How about volunteering, if she's saying she doesn't need more money? Jobs are hard to get for teenagers right now but volunteering can be easier and you get the benefit of doing something worthwhile.

You can't "make" her get a job, but you can certainly strongly encourage it.

Personally, I think being late to enter the workplace is a major reason for the increase in young unemployment upon leaving school/university and contributes to the current MH crises in young people.

It was getting my first "proper" full time job upon leaving school that made me grow up rapidly and I changed considerably over those first few months. My DH said he had a similar experience. We were both shy/introverted teenagers, but being around adults in an adult environment really changed us for the better.

We noticed the same with our son. He couldn't work during sixth form due to covid restrictions and safeguarding us (we both have immunocompromised health conditions), and he continued to be introverted, didn't go out, spent all his time "talking" remotely whilst gaming and generally becoming a grumpy recluse. But in the past couple of years after joining an adult workplace, the change in him has been immense - going out a lot, big circle of friends, independent travel, etc.

So in my opinion, the OP should heavily encourage her DD to get some kind of job, just to create some adult workplace friendships, real workplace experience, i.e. structure, time-keeping, following instructions, maybe interaction with general public, etc.

It's also important to note that a lot of graduate employers expect work experience in job applications and it's often said that many employers/recruitment agencies automatically reject those who leave "prior work experiences" boxes empty on their applications!

easier said than done.

Great idea. My son volunteered with the police cadets and a few of his school friends were in the armed services cadets (though none of them actually intended to go into armed services/police careers - it was just for the "fun" of doing things socially with other teens and with a view to "ticking boxes" on Uni applications and to support DofE entries). One of our neighbour's daughters joined the local St John Ambulance cadets.

100%! She's not even FT at college! 20 years ago we went to college 5 days per week AND had a weekend job. This was completely normal - everyone did it. It seems to be a lot less common now and I don't understand why?

My DD is 18 in May and this has been her life the last year or so. I spend my life worrying about her.

She has a boyfriend but only sees him once a week and sees friends once a month or so yet talks to them online all the time, she says no one ever wants to go out. She has actually applied for loads of part time jobs but never hears back. I don't know if it's our area or an issue throughout the UK but in our town the only jobs widely available are in care which she absolutely does not want to do or volunteer work in charity shops.

It really worries me. I think the government needs to bring back some kind of YTS scheme I know it wasn't ideal for some but it's how I got on to the employment ladder.

My DD has been on the waiting list for the police cadets since she was 16. She will be 18 in May. We've chased and chased but told the waiting list is vast so I imagine she's missed the opportunity now.

I can see why you want her to get a job but its not as easy as saying you want to "make her" get a job. Loads and loads of workplaces wont employ anyone under the age of 18 (due to insurance restrictions) and those that do employ younger ones will be highly sought after. Even young people over 18 are struggling to get work at the moment (well in my area in south west).

Absolutely encourage her to go out sometimes - but if he friends have different college timetables that might be tricky to arrange with mates as they may be in college when your daughter is out and vice versa. (IYSWIM).

Yes some voluntary work may help her buff up her cv. It is quite intimidating getting your first job so be supportive over that, my mum wasn’t,, she cut me off financially so I don’t have a choice, however it worked and I never stopped working, all through uni, weekends and part time often at uni, temping in holidays and pretty much worked full time since … it’s good to be financially less reliant on others IMO

If you find out how to make her get a job please let me know. It is brutal out there and very very difficult for young people to get jobs.

Is her anxiety the kind where she finds people overwhelming, and socialisation physically draining, OP?

I was very much like this as a teen, and the few days that I had off from the rest of the world were brilliant for recuperating and recharging. My bedroom was my safe space. My family didn't understand this. I should have juggled sixth form five days a week with a part-time job and driving lessons and socialising, because that was normal and my older sibling managed all of that. For me, it was just too much to cope with. I did learn to drive and get a job eventually, but it just took me a little bit longer. Eventually, I dropped out of dealing predominantly with people and now work largely with animals. I now work partly with teens. Most of our local, "Ew, people!" teens get jobs milking on dairy farms, which are plentiful around here.

A friend who also suffers with anxiety also struggled. She didn't have a part-time job until university, when she started working at a farm park, because animals are less anxiety-inducing than people.

At a push, might she be interested in something more animal-based? I'm aware that not everyone likes animals, by the way!

Because there are not many jobs.
Retail and hospitality industries are fucked and that’s where we all used to get jobs.

The labour market now and the labour market 20 years ago are not the same.

Absolutely make her get a job. At 17 I travelled and interviewed for jobs in London and then moved there, alone to work.

A little job in Tesco will do her the world of good. She may well hate it, but it'll be good in the long run. I hated London / my job to start with, but my independence rocketed from it.

Good luck with that!

Jobs for youngsters - temporary/part time - are virtually non-existent. Zero hours contracts mean the 'existing' staff snap up any extra hours. Even if young people get them, if they can't say an immediate yes to a shift because of lessons, exams etc, they are bounced out.
A 'little job in Tesco' is almost impossible. Just getting through to the on line selection process is a miracle. Then they will require probably 16-18hrs a week minimum, one shift must be weekend and one evening....
And there are only so many pot-washers the local pub can employ.

YANBU but it can be hard to find a job. DD has been looking for over a year, but has had no luck. We live far from the city where she goes to college, and they always employ local people over her.

DD volunteered at the city museum until they changed the rules and volunteers now need to be over 18. She is currently volunteering in the city library, and will go back to volunteering at the museum once she is over 18. She is also looking at volunteering at the cathedral.

She is learning good skills to put on her CV and will have 3 different people to provide references. She is learning the importance of being on time, and sometimes working 10 minutes over to get the job done.

She is working for free which also looks good. DD wants to go to Uni, so was able to put her volunteering on her application, which her tutor said would help a lot.

No jobs

most employers won’t take on under 18s now.

A job could help but it's a v difficult market right now. The Saturday/part time jobs we had as teens just don't exist these days. If there isn't work, then could she get some work experience in the sector she'd like to eventually work in?

I think having a job at this age is really important. It builds social skills, time management and the learn about working with all sorts of people.
mine both worked from age 16/17 and I really would encourage it for their future

When we go to supermarkets the checkouts are mostly self service - when I worked in a supermarket there were 10-15 of us on the tills all the time.

I delivered newspapers aged 13-15, supplemented with babysitting at 15+ I wouldn’t employ a random 15 yo to look after my small children now, but it used to be the norm. And there are no local newspapers to deliver and not many people buy daily newspapers anyway.

Macdonalds and other fast food places are incredibly competitive. 500 applicants for a handful of jobs in a newly opened one here!

A part time job is important, but good luck finding one!

It is very hard for teenagers and students to get part time jobs these days. The one exception I can think of where it is usually quite easy to get a job is becoming a lifeguard. Can she swim? She doesn't need to be a club level swimmer, just an ok one. The qualification is called the NPLQ and it takes a week and costs around £300. The courses are mostly in school holidays.

30 years ago my full time college course was 15 hours a week
I did have a weekend job though.

Jobs are really hard to come by at the moment unless you can be available 24/7.

DS1 is at Uni and said he has looked for part time jobs but he is in Falmouth so very seasonal and then they want you to do shifts throughout the week - I don't want him to be missing lectures / study time as that is what I did as had no parental help so needed to work a lot of shifts in order to pay the bills - I ended up taking on more shifts and missing more lectures until I eventually dropped out.

DD though is in last year of 6th form (5 days a week). She has had a Saturday job since she was 14 in a local cafe run by a charity as her friends dad runs it (Nepotism!!). She has been lucky as some of her friends have managed to get waitressing jobs elsewhere and I have heard some horror stories! All of the jobs advertised around here (I have been looking as could do with a little extra cash) require a weekend shift and then a shift in the week so does not fit in with school.

It is much harder getting weekend jobs now but my two have both managed it. It hasn't been easy though.

Most jobs for young people around here are zero hours and or seasonal and you are treated like crap. Very hire and fire and they prefer 16 years olds because they are cheaper ( DD was let go as she was going to be 18 at the start of the next season so the boss took on more younger ones to train up ready for the busy time) She had seen it happen with other colleagues and then her time came for the chop!

You can never plan anything and you never know your shifts that far in advance and even if you do it will be changed or cancelled at the last moment ( on quite a few occasions once you've paid to travel to work and have actually already walked through the door)

Shops always seem to want them to work both days of the weekend and one in the week which gets in the way of school and homework/revising.

DS was a lifeguard and even on a 12 hour contract was badgered into working so much overtime he never got any time for revision or homework and messed up his first year of A levels as a result. We made him resign as it was too much.

The other thing I've noticed is that jobs seem to go to friends of existing employees. DD got her first job because my son's friend got her a trial shift. She got her current job because the owner knows me.

So different in my day when I walked into Tesco's at 15, asked for a job and started the following week and stayed for three years as a Saturday girl.

She could perhaps volunteer as a reading assistant at her last school as familiar surroundings may make doing something like this less daunting. Alternatively, volunteering with a youth group or some kind would work too. Again, perhaps aligned with her interests or past experience.

Leaflet delivery could also be an option but won't give her the social contact that volunteering at a school or youth group/ activity would do.

It will be something to put on her cv too.

Paid part time jobs that fit the days she's available will be difficult to find for this age group (or any age group to be honest) but not impossible.

Is there any support from her school on setting up work experience or volunteering where they might have contacts already?

That 'little job in Tesco' will have hundreds of applicants, will require several online tests, interview where the candidates must prove previous customer service experience, and require the employee works specific hours.
The days of companies employing a child are gone.