Neighbour(s) blank us

[lonelyneighbourhood]

Not sure if this is the right place or even that this matters that much! But it’s getting to me and I guess I’m wondering if AIBU?

We live on a small-ish street with neighbours either side. Our neighbour on one side totally blanks us. It started off just being me that she did it to and she would talk to DH, but now she ignores DH too, even if we smile and say hello, she’ll avoid eye contact and blank us. Mostly her husband says hello when we see him and he also sometimes stops and has a proper chat with us.

Other neighbours keep themselves to themselves, I suppose? We moved here five years ago and the family before us lived here 20+ years so I’ve wondered if that’s something to do with it. There’s maybe two neighbours on the whole street who speak to us.

We have a 14-month-old and a dog but are generally quiet people. We don’t have parties, don’t really have people round other than our families, and didn’t even pre-DC. We don’t play loud music at unsociable hours, we park considerately.

I guess I feel quite lonely and a bit on-edge in my own home, because I feel as though I’m in trouble. I know that’s probably silly but it makes me anxious and is getting me down. I work from home so I’m here all the time, whereas DH is only here evenings and weekends and is generally not an anxious person, so it bothers him a lot less, but even he commented on it at the weekend when our neighbour walked right past us without making eye contact.

I’m not sure what we can do to improve things? AIBU?

I think when people behave like this it is normal to feel it is our fault, but in reality its probably more about them. Unless the neighbours are all having massive parties and in and out of each others houses all the time, I would assume they are a bit shy or socially awkward and uncomfortable around others.

We’ve just moved into a house on a new build estate, we live on a private road of three houses. The neighbours on one side are lovely, really chatty and friendly. The other side go out of their way not to speak (or at least the parents do, their adult son speaks and waves). We can even walk past them in the street and they don’t even look.

I’m pretty sure it’s not anything we’ve done as they’ve been like this since we moved in, but I remembered that when we were in the process of reserving the house the sales advisor said how lovely the neighbours were on the one side but she made no mention whatsoever of the other side so perhaps she experienced their rudeness too.

The first few weeks after we moved into I’d bring all of the bins up from the end of the road once emptied but now I just bring back ours and the nice couple’s bins.

They don’t know you. You don’t know them. Don’t give headspace to someone who really doesn’t matter. I had a neighbour similar, but she would talk to my dh and my son, but not me. I just matched her energy and didn’t acknowledge her existence. People can be weird - maybe she’s a huge introvert and gets socially awkward so avoids having to engage with you?

Go for a walk every day. Have a book on hand. A bit of gardening. Just keep your mind from brooding over the neighbours lack of response to your friendly approaches.
In some villages people are treated with suspicion as ‘blow-ins’ who have lived there for 20 years.
Just think how lucky you are that you haven’t nosey neighbours or are noisy or playing loud music have wild parties or are drug takers.

Is the lady next door elderly? It could be early signs of dementia or Alzheimer’s , next time her husband chats just say oh hows your wife doing? He’ll probably say if she’s not well.
if she’s not ill and has just decided to blank you then just blank her back and get on with your life, I wouldn’t care 🤷‍♀️

I’m sure it won’t be anything about you.

One of our neighbours has never even said hello to us in 15 years (I think she didn’t like her old neighbour not being there anymore) and we’re only on nodding / friendly hello terms with the other side.

To be honest that suits me better - I’m neither ill nor anti social but I don’t want a chat over the hedge - I have friends for that and I’ve never had a desire for a community either as work fulfils that need for me - I like home to be private family space. Maybe your neighbour feels the same.

I had a neighbour like that. Was very friendly when I first moved here then one day blanked me when I waved hello. Then she swerved me at the supermarket. I was upset but decided to just ignore her. We didnt speak for years, she was clearly avoiding me. Turns out she had MH issues. She is now on medication and back to her cheerful friendly self. Chances are your neighbour will have issues that have nothing to do with you. Let it go. I made friends with lots of neighbours when I was dog sitting foe a friends. So many people stopped to speak to the dog! LOL

Im a deeply private person and I has as little to do with neighbours as humanly possible. If I have anything to put in the bins I try to do it after dark or very early at first light. Less chance of being ambushed by someone who wants something from me. I dont share names, phone numbers or anything if I can help it. Ive had some shit neighbours in the past and have learned no to get involved.

They must like the power they have over you, but I think you are taking it too personally. Learn not to care, and do not try to make friends. Fuck them. Please, just learn to not care and stop being people pleasers!

Sometimes I think peoples planets don’t align and someone will smile or wave, but others didn’t see it and then get anxious they have done something wrong.

we are careful with one new neighbour as she is a bit of a story teller. She told me she was lonely so our other neighbour invited her for a cuppa.

She told that neighbour she would have to bring her teenagers as her hubby was at the end of his tether and wouldn’t cope with them without her.

Other neighbour bought in morning tea, invited others around for new neighbour to meet and then didn’t show up. Went off elsewhere. When I was told, I knew the new neighbour’s hubby was at work, so no threat at all to the teenagers.

anyhow she is now being avoided by a couple of us after that. Very rude.

I live on my own and when I first moved here same time as most neighbours everyone was really friendly, now only 2 neighbours in the whole street speak. One was getting out of her car, saw me and got back in her car. I was honestly becoming paranoid, do I talk to them too much, do I make a nuisance of myself, what have I done. I don't go to their door, havn't had a conversation with them for months, I used to accept parcels for them if they asked me to. Then it seems overnight I'm ignored. As the saying goes, none as funny as folk. Now, I don't even look at them. I don't rely on them for anything so if they don't speak it's up to them.

It sound like it's a 'her problem' not yours. You sound like a considerate neighbour so it could just be she's not a sociable person or finds it hard to interact with people she doesn't know. Maybe she's had bother with other neighbours so choses not to engage with anyone close by to save any further trouble or anxiety. If it bothers you that much & you'd like to be friendly just shout 'Hi' every time you see her, even if she doesn't reply just keep smiling & saying 'hello'. If you're not wanting a friendship then don't let it bother you & just walk by when you see her.

To be honest, it is fortunate that neighbours blanking you is the only issue. I've had terrible neighbours to include racial abuse, loud music all night, barking dogs, kids banging footballs at the fence all day, and nosy neighbours. In general most neighbours don't really talk to us unless they want something. I used to wonder if it was because our family was not white, being the main reason for not talking to us. But I can see on here, other white people could have similar issues.

Quite a few people I know like to keep neighbours at arms length due to previous bad experiences. We’ve had one too many gossips and two faced neighbours so we view it that if we keep our distance they can’t talk about us because they don’t know anything about us and we avoid letting them corner us to gossip about others. We still say a quick hello though to most and just avoid any lengthy exchanges so that does sound a bit odd and you don’t sound like you’ve done anything to warrant being totally blanked. But there’s none so weird as folk and not everyone’s even minimally sociable I guess.

What's with the persecution complex, you feel like you are in trouble, that you have done something wrong? - this sounds more deep rooted than just a rude neighbour. You creep around your house, not making a noise. What do you think is going to happen? The child will soon be picking up on your insecurities, maybe you should talk to someone. Stop pre emp having to make sure everything is tidy and quiet and start living.

I can see how this may feel irksome if you are housebound by work. Was any of this during Covid? I only ask because I moved into a house during Covid and not one of the neighbours has bothered to say anything except 'Bonjour' but I am in France and I don't think the word neighbour has the same connotation. It's just the person whose hedge grows into your garden, or the person whose car is blocking you on a straight run or the person whose cat YES C A T takes walks in their garden. Just a source of displeasure!

No, it won't, that's a myth. Your eyes might get more tired so you might have practically less good vision. But they won't become more short sighted or whatever. In any case wearing glasses could have no effect on astigmatism, which in my case has been the same since I was a child.