Neighbour(s) blank us

[lonelyneighbourhood]

Not sure if this is the right place or even that this matters that much! But it’s getting to me and I guess I’m wondering if AIBU?

We live on a small-ish street with neighbours either side. Our neighbour on one side totally blanks us. It started off just being me that she did it to and she would talk to DH, but now she ignores DH too, even if we smile and say hello, she’ll avoid eye contact and blank us. Mostly her husband says hello when we see him and he also sometimes stops and has a proper chat with us.

Other neighbours keep themselves to themselves, I suppose? We moved here five years ago and the family before us lived here 20+ years so I’ve wondered if that’s something to do with it. There’s maybe two neighbours on the whole street who speak to us.

We have a 14-month-old and a dog but are generally quiet people. We don’t have parties, don’t really have people round other than our families, and didn’t even pre-DC. We don’t play loud music at unsociable hours, we park considerately.

I guess I feel quite lonely and a bit on-edge in my own home, because I feel as though I’m in trouble. I know that’s probably silly but it makes me anxious and is getting me down. I work from home so I’m here all the time, whereas DH is only here evenings and weekends and is generally not an anxious person, so it bothers him a lot less, but even he commented on it at the weekend when our neighbour walked right past us without making eye contact.

I’m not sure what we can do to improve things? AIBU?

I didn’t interpret it as you having a pop, I think it’s an important perspective. I’m really glad you’re free of the overthinking and people pleasing! Thank you 🙏🏼

Sorry OP, but I cannot understand why this bothers you so much that you are uncomfortable in your home and you are even thinking of changing your job so as not to be at home as much! That is really unusual thinking. Have you considered CBT to help with this level of anxiety? I do hope you can unravel this and feel better.

Some people are rude - but unless they are actively aggressive, most people just wouldn’t care.

OP, how will you manage primary school? - there's alot of not saying hello/'blanking' there too. Neighbour not saying hello is not your problem. If there is an issue, they can come speak to you about it directly.

I am a friendly person but completely understand not everyone wants to be my friend....and that is absolutely fine. Get some help for the anxiety as I think it's clouding your judgement on this situation.

If her husband is perfectly friendly to you then I think it's unlikely you've "done something wrong." My best guess is she's not very socially confident and at some point she didn't acknowledge you because she felt too shy or "caught on the hop," and now she can't face talking to you because she feels she messed up that time and is embarrassed. This is something that happened to me a long time ago in another town.

Could either you or DH face mentioning it to the husband to see if he knows what's going on? It needn't be an accusation, maybe something like "I/Jane would love to get to know Nicky better but she seems quite reserved - what's the best way to approach it?"

I have a few neighbours like this. I stopped caring and just focus on the ones who do engage

I had this exact same experience with Dorset, moved to Somerset problem solved. 😅

I do this. I’m an introvert and small talk is one of my biggest dreads. The neighbours on one side are lunatics, two sisters in their 50s who never married or had children and have always lived together. They bought a second car purely to park it in front of their house so nobody could park there, they don’t use it! They are convinced people in the area are up to no good constantly. At one stage the couple over the road were filming porn videos apparently and her ‘evidence’ was the red lightbulb in their bedroom… I just do not engage if I can avoid it at all. I would go as far as pretending to look in my boot as a PP mentioned to avoid them.

They honestly might just be introverts like me who want to leave their house in peace without having to engage with the neighbours.

Don't let this woman get to you. Who knows what her problem is - maybe she's just rude, maybe she's ND, maybe (like one of my old neighbours) she's just an absolute loon who thinks you're flirting with her DH when you say "good morning" 🙄Just ignore.

From everything you’ve written you’re a considerate polite neighbour. In these circumstances it’s clearly an issue with your neighbour - could be any number of things from mental health related to a dislike of dogs. But the key thing to remember is this isn’t about you it’s about them. I’d keep saying a polite hello if you come directly face to face with them whether they acknowledge you or not but otherwise just remind yourself you have done nothing wrong it’s a them thing and try to relax!

I think it’s a sign of the times. Our street is rapidly getting more and more antisocial as new people move in. It was a street where there would often be neighbours outside chatting. But now most people “keep themselves to themselves” ie don’t speak at all.

Perhaps your neighbour had a bad experience with the neighbour who lived there before you so doesn’t want to get drawn into being friendly with the neighbours again incase the same thing happens. Sometimes being a friendly neighbour can be taken advantage of by some.

I hate feeling in trouble constantly. I don’t feel relaxed here because I’m always wondering what I’ve done, always trying not to make any noise.

Since these feelings seem to be quite a large part of who you are I’d suggest that you may benefit from a few counselling sessions to get to the bottom of what is driving them - and find positive ways of coping with them.

You also need an independent life outside your home and working from home. That more than anything will help you cope with your anxiety. What interests do you have that you could explore further, what would you like to do that you have never done? Joining a fitness group, attending art classes, join a reading club, Meetup group events , lectures at the local library…….

Try and build a life that works for you instead of just hoping that eventually changing jobs will solve everything.

Some neighbours can be very nosy and others don't like small talk. Dont worry about it its not personal some people do not wish to build friendships with neighbours. I had a neighbour who was very intrusive even walked into my house when I forgot to lock the door for this reason I tend to keep myself to myself. Neighbours are people like the rest of us who by chance live by you nothing else about it. They don't have to engage it does not make them bad people some make friends and good for them if that's what makes them happy, Might be rude or anti-social to some but most people just want to live in peace and have other things to be worrying about just respect that and concentrate on what matters. It will do you good to join a mums and toddler group I wish you the best 🙂

She’s probably just socially awkward and doesn’t know how to be friendly. For some people it is almost painful not knowing what to say or how to be so they just put their heads down instead

I would hazard a guess it’s not you it’s them. I am that neighbour. I work almost exclusively from home, except for the very odd time I venture into the office. I’d love it if my neighbours ignored me. I have neighbours either side and then no other close neighbour, ave lived here for maybe 15 years and have never had a desire for any type of relationship. I don’t think I’m miserable, just an introvert perfectly content in my own company.

As others have mentioned, your anxiety is getting the better of you. Don’t take it personally, they just aren’t neighbourly people. I’d suggest you see if your local area has a WhatsApp group. My daughters does, and they love it. Their neighbours…or some of are quite sociable. If yours doesn’t have one, why not start one yourself! You might find there are more people who like you want to connect.

Quiet neighbours who don't want to bother or know you. Perfect 👍👍

I wouldn’t spare it another thought to be honest. If you’ve done something to piss her off she should say so. If she’s not an important person to you don’t worry about it. Tell your hubby to ignore her too 😆

I personally prefer neighbours to ignore me. I hate small talk with them and prefer to keep a distance.

You sound so much like our neighbours - the dog, the street, the 14mo, and all the other details.

We blank our neighbours because they made a malicious report about us to social services. I assume you haven't done that to your neighbours 😉

Sounds like our neighbourhood and us. Here its quiet and leafy, new estate. But we keep to ourselves as do everyone else. Just the way we like it. 🤷‍♀️ I don't think neighbours necessarily need to be friends or communicate more than is necessary (like if something needs doing involving both properties or something) other than that no one is obligated to communicate if they don't want to.

Could she have a mental health illness ?

I ignore neighbours because I have severe anxiety and I'm terrified people will come over for a chat. I make no eye contact and get on with what I'm doing. but it's not because they've done anything wrong I just can't cope with people.

No, keep on keeping on with a smile and a hallo. They'll break eventually.

Hi op just to let you know not all neighbours want to do pleasantries but it won’t be you as the husband talks to you and dh. just ignore her this is what she prefers stop making an effort she could be jealous of you or miss the previous owners either way it’s her problem I used to be like you now I just can’t be bothered some people are not worth your time or energy let it go you will get used to it and if you stop trying she can’t get to you. It is lonely but at least she’s not the opposite in your face which would make it worse.

If her husbands fine with you that makes me think it’s a her issue. She may be struggling with anxiety and terrified about engaging with people or having a breakdown or she could be unwell.

You’re lonely because you have no human interaction. Consider going back to the office.

This is nothing to do with you it’s to do with their past, many people have had issues with neighbours so choose
to not speak to any. I will be the same
wjen I move unfortunately and I hope nobody holds it against me

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