Neighbour(s) blank us

[lonelyneighbourhood]

Not sure if this is the right place or even that this matters that much! But it’s getting to me and I guess I’m wondering if AIBU?

We live on a small-ish street with neighbours either side. Our neighbour on one side totally blanks us. It started off just being me that she did it to and she would talk to DH, but now she ignores DH too, even if we smile and say hello, she’ll avoid eye contact and blank us. Mostly her husband says hello when we see him and he also sometimes stops and has a proper chat with us.

Other neighbours keep themselves to themselves, I suppose? We moved here five years ago and the family before us lived here 20+ years so I’ve wondered if that’s something to do with it. There’s maybe two neighbours on the whole street who speak to us.

We have a 14-month-old and a dog but are generally quiet people. We don’t have parties, don’t really have people round other than our families, and didn’t even pre-DC. We don’t play loud music at unsociable hours, we park considerately.

I guess I feel quite lonely and a bit on-edge in my own home, because I feel as though I’m in trouble. I know that’s probably silly but it makes me anxious and is getting me down. I work from home so I’m here all the time, whereas DH is only here evenings and weekends and is generally not an anxious person, so it bothers him a lot less, but even he commented on it at the weekend when our neighbour walked right past us without making eye contact.

I’m not sure what we can do to improve things? AIBU?

Oh no, I avoid getting parcels left with them because I don’t want to be annoying. Once something was left with them and when I went to collect it, the neighbour came to the door (I could see her through the glass), then went back into the house and ignored me. I sent DH to get it in the end. If I can, I try to get things sent to a collection point so the dog doesn’t bark either, but it’s not always possible.

if you live in the south east I think it’s fairly normal. Certainly is in London. I’ve been here for years and have issues with facial recognition so it’s a struggle even before factoring in the turnover of many neighbours (short term rentals), but I do say hello and occasionally chat to the ones that I can place (they look unusual or they have a dog). If I’m honest I find most of them hard to tell apart as they all have the same hair, clothes and accents. It’s also quite a busy street with people commuting so very little chance to isolate who might be a resident.

I would agree with those that have said not to give this too much room in your head. The key is getting out more then you won’t care so much. Doubt it’s personal.

To be honest, when you wre too friendly and know the neighburs it can invite troube and disputes. It is better not to get too familiar with people that live near you in the event of a dispute.

It’s probably not personal at all, maybe they just have no interest in being friends with neighbours. Perhaps they’ve had problems with past neighbours and have decided to keep their distance.

My neighbours are like this. I find it a bit strange that people don't want to be on 'saying hello' terms with their neighbours (you might need each other's help one day!) But each to their own. Just treat them how they want to be treated.

If you haven't done anything to upset her or spoke on a personal level then it's not personal. She's probably socially awkward or grumpy for her own reasons.

We had neighbours who ignored us. As soon as they moved in they had tall fences put in all round their property, front and back - if they saw us in the street they would look away and not say hello or good morning or anything. We just thought they were very odd. We've never had a problem with any other neighbours. Sometimes you just have to accept that some people are unfriendly!

Before we moved our old neighbours were odd. They were a normal family but the husband was so polite and friendly but you could NOT get away! It got to the point if he was outside I'd have to wait until he went in to leave and if he appeared I'd dash in the house so as not to get stuck. Nice enough bloke but honestly he was a nightmare. His wife of the other hand was so strange, she would chat sometimes but others she would just blank you as if she was annoyed, others she'd try and invite you round. She clearly had a bit of a split personality. Needless to say we moved out and they ended up getting divorced. He found out he had Cancer and so she left him!

My point you don't know what others have going on in their life, they may not have the headspace to stand chatting to you. Just get on with your own life, if you are seeking friendship try some Mum and toddler classes. Be grateful you don't have to stand chatting for hours, it honestly sounds a dream scenario especially as they don't cause you any problems and keep to themselves.

If you really want to push to create community feel you could Try and organise something for the whole street, personally I'd count my blessings and get on with my own life and let others do the same.

I wouldn’t worry about it too much. Some people are just like that and it has everything to do with them and nothing to do with you or anything you have/haven’t done.

I’m mostly quiet and introverted and although I’d never blank a neighbour, I wouldn’t go out of my way to chat to them. Saying that, our next door neighbours are lovely people and we do have a blether in the garden sometimes.

I agree with PP’s about perhaps joining some local play groups etc. or a fitness class if you’re into that. Some gyms do mum and baby classes and they’re a great way to meet people and make friends.

I suspected it was the dog too.
Was your neighbour friends with the person you bought the house from? Did you have any issues with the purchase? Did you bid the seller down substantially?
Other than that maybe your neighbours are just unfriendly. Perhaps they don’t want to get too friendly with someone who has a young child, in case you ask them to babysit.

I want nothing to do with our neighbour - their dog barks incessantly when they're out and I'm heartily sick of it and they know it. It's their refusal to even acknowledge it's an issue - that and the gaslighting.

Does your dog bark when you're out Op?

Don’t take it personally, you sound fine, that’s just the culture of the street. My neighbours are all nice but I only speak to them if I can’t avoid it. There is a WhatsApp group where we help each other with parcels and Ring video footage and I would always do them favours and vice versa. It’s nothing to do with them, I just don’t enjoy making small talk and so I avoid it.

My neighbours opposite ignore me. Neighbours each side are lovely and stop for a chat if we’re outside but the ones opposite don’t acknowledge. It used to bother me but I gave my head a wobble and don’t bother smiling or waving anymore.

I am sorry to hear that your neighbours are being a tad ignorant, I would just kill with kindness... wave if they are far away and belt out a cheery good morning when they are within speaking distance. Then they will be discomforted and not you.

My neighbours only speak to me when they need something... like last night at 8:30 when their lodger had locked himself out and needed to use our ladder to climb over the wall and let himself in... that happens about twice a year!

You absolutely can help your anxiety about the situation. Stop medicalising anxiety. It's a normal human emotion but you're not at the mercy of it. As long as you've examined your own behaviour and are satisfied that you're not an unreasonable neighbour, then literally banish the neighbours from your mind. Practice not giving a shit and soon you won't. They're just some random weirdo. Let them get on with it and focus on your own life. Don't creep round your own home and make yourself smaller. Just crack on. Yes it's nicer if people are vaguely civil but they're not going to be, so just stop yourself from giving a shit. It gets easier once you've made peace with it.

Where did “leave them alone” come from?! Where in OP’s comments has she given any impression that she harasses or stalks them?!

The dog is barely ever left on her own - a couple of hours here and there. She’s not barking when we get back, so I don’t think she barks when we’re not there. When she was little, I used to leave my phone recording her and then listen back for any barking.

The people who lived here before us had (I think working/shooting?) dogs and had a dog run kind of structure in the garden (which we saw on Zoopla but was gone by the time we viewed the house and moved in). We were first time buyers so no hold-ups our side, we got the house for £5k under asking as it had been on the market for a few months, and the previous family left us furniture/white goods to get us started which was really kind of them.

So what if she is. It has no material impact on the op if her neighbour is that way.

Some people are socially awkward. Don't worry about it.

Not really sure I understand the problem. They're your neighbours, not your friends. Neighbours who don't disturb you and leave you alone are the dream.

You don’t know what people’s past experiences are. We’ve had some terrible neighbours in the past who, in hindsight, took advantage of us so we try hard now not to get too involved with new neighbours.

Saying that it doesn’t always work because our newest neighbours on one side are so lovely. But I’m still trying not to get too over familiar!

Our neighbour directly opposite blanks us, stares right through us and ignored our greetings. However introduced himself and greets my dad when they cross paths outside my house. People are weird.

She may have had a bad experience with neighbours in the past and resolved to not get enmeshed again. A small smile hullo could be interpreted by some as an opening to start a social chat. If you haven’t done anything wrong then don’t take it personally. She has a right to live her life the way she wants and she isn’t doing anything to harm you.

Or just not interested in chatting with the neighbours.

Like PP said, not many people are looking at other people when out, seeing if they recognise them and if a social exchange is needed.
People build their own friendships based on shared interests, not just a postcode.

I couldn't be less interested in anyone who lives near my house, the ideal is quiet neighbours who never bother me.