To think this is too much for a 30th?

[Savante]

I’ve got a friend who I’ve been friends with since university. There are four of us who are still in touch. This friend is 30 this time next year and asked if we want to go away for the weekend to Scotland to celebrate. I agreed.

However, friend has now decided she wants to go abroad. She’s found huge self catering villa in Italy and it’s stunning. It sleeps 20, and if full would cost us £200 each plus about £250 for flights. Everyone has happily agreed but AIBU to think it’s a bit much for a 30th? For a hen or a 50th or a wedding, of course, but I think it’s a lot of money to spend on someone’s birthday for a weekend away with her friends and family who I’ve never met (except her parents and one sibling).

It's not too much if enough people want to do it - but if you don't, it's perfectly acceptable to wish her well and say you can't make it.

First post nails it

I think £450 a lot to pay out for 2 days to celebrate a 30th. You'd also still have to buy food/drinks for 2 days and buy the birthday girl a gift. You are looking at £500.

I think the reason for the celebration is irrelevant. Isn't more of a do you want to go? Will it be fun, can you afford to go?

I don’t understand the people who say “is this too much’. It’s too much for you, clearly. That’s okay, you don’t have to go.

But for one of my close friends? I’d go and have fun. I say that as someone who doesn’t even bother celebrating their birthday.

If you can afford it , go. By the time the next milestone birthdays come around there could be husbands, kids etc in the mix. You can always earn more money but you don't get these times back. A villa in Italy sounds like a perfect getaway with friends.

Just say no thanks thanks…. Doesn’t matter what you think….not your birthday 🤷‍♀️

Sounds like a lovely idea and a bargain. Life can be short.

At least! Because it’ll then be… oh birthday girl can’t pay for the holiday, we’ll need to get champagne and special birthday cake and treats, oh and everyone put in for a joint present, and stuff to decorate…🤑🤑🤑

Who covers the additional cost if you don't find 20 people to go? I am unclear about the sleeping 20 people reference.

I mean it probably depends on your income bracket. A bunch of high earning 20 somethings probably can and do spend £450
on celebrating a birthday.

Whereas you’ll get others who wouldn’t even spend £450 on a wedding or 50th as they can’t afford it.

So it’s all relative.

Personally, I like having people in my life who have nice celebrations and events. I’d much rather go to Italy to celebrate a birthday than spoons or whatever.

It's not too much for her. Her birthday, her choice how to celebrate etc.

If it's too much for you, don't go. It's an invite not a summons.

Well given the birthday girl is involved in the planning and this isn’t a surprise for her, I doubt there will be as much mileage in the extra costs. Plus, as her actual family are going, I’d expect them to sort things like birthday cake instead of friends.

Why would it be too much for a 30th but not for a 50th? Fwiw I agree with you in that I wouldn’t pay that much to go to a birthday celebration unless for immediate family but I’m not clear where the distinction is here.

Why are the rules for celebrating a 30th different to that of a 50th? She wants to celebrate her way. Find out all the costs involved. For eg. What will the €200 cover? Will the group be buying a gift as well? You can choose to do whatever is reasonable for you. And if you don't want spend the money, then just decline the invitation.

And this, is it £450 depending on 20 going and paying?

I mean you get a trip away to Italy for £450 - sounds like an amazing deal to me.

But you’re not in the right frame of mind for it. Especially as you think that’s £££. Which is absolutely fine - just say no.

I knew several 30 somethings that never made it to 50. Plus once you have kids it gets quite serious and dull for a while. If you can afford it and want to go I would definitely go. If you can’t then don’t. Mean to slag her off on the internet though.

This

Seems fine to me and certainly not too much money for a weekend away with friends.

Well, if you want a nice holiday with friends, it's not too much.
None of my friends have ever done anything like this for a birthday, because we don't make a fuss about adult birthdays, but we've certainly spent a few hundred quid on a weekend in London, or wherever, just because we want a break.

I went to New York for a friend's 30th, was more £ than that. Had an amazing time. BUT if you can't afford it / dont want to spend it, don't go.

My main issue is that I wouldn’t want to go away with her family. That’s not a girls trip. I’d happily pay the money though.

I’d say 30 is as big as 50… if you don’t want to go then just let her know you can’t afford it.

I don’t think whether it’s a 30th, a hen or a 50th makes much difference really. You either want to go or you don’t…you can either afford it or you can’t…tbh you can agree to it, it’s fabulous or you think it’s too much…whatever one you sign up to.

just for examples and comparisons, we had no money when I turned 30. I was training for another (better) job, I had a husband who worked away, 2 primary school children and caring for an elderly grandparent. All whilst working full time. Oh and house was falling down with no money to repair it. We went for a family meal that I think my uncle paid for. Maybe yes my 30th was living in another time…I didn’t know anyone who did holidays and villas abroad…but good luck to them if they did. However my 50th was spent on an amazing far flung shore with just my husband with our financial position and probably our lives totally different. Just two parallel comparisons of the two birthdays. Both completely different at either ends of the spectrum. I guess it’s the same for the 30th you’re taking about…for some it will be a massive outlay that they simply can’t afford, for others it will be an easy cost for them.

to be objective I’d be a bit worried if I was on the edge of just about affording it, will the price go up per person if others drop out (I’ve just a read a hen thread that the price keeps increasing on).

in answer to your actual question, is it too much? The birthday girl obviously doesn’t think so, it’s just a question for you whether it is too much in money or just OTT in general. That’s the only thing you needed to get clear in your head. It’s an invitation, you don’t have to go. If it’s too OTT for you and not your thing, politely decline. If you think the money is better spent elsewhere for you, also politely decline.