Child protection plan - Devastated

[SENSummer]

Posting for traffic as SEN board is quiet.

We have a high needs AUADHD non verbal DS. Specialist school, learning disabilities and challenging behaviour. Lovely but hard work and disregulates in school holidays. His home carer recently quit due to his violence and not feeling safe which they put in writing and I shared with SS.

I gave up work (both professionals) and became DS carer (also has a younger sibling) and have absolutely advocated for him every step of the way.
We kept asking for additional support and being denied at panel. DS is almost 6 but huge, 9-10 clothes. We reached breaking point this Christmas. We felt we couldn’t keep him or ourselves safe in the home and were really at the end of our tether. I rang social services and recounted how uncomfortable we were with the events of Christmas, said we wanted to consider section 20 or residential school if they wouldn’t help us further. They had a meeting this week and put both kids on child protection plans. Said DS is staying with us as we are what’s best for him.

Im just completely devastated. Barely stopped crying for 24 hours.

There were quite a few inaccuracies told in the meeting that compiled made us look really negative. There’s also things like DS having a safety gate over his room which everyone (including SS and OT) has known about all along and never raised issue with but now it’s a massive issue.
I can evidence most of these things but I’m terrified to even try. They have all clearly decided we are now the problem. Apparently the police who were in the meeting (never had police involvement in our lives) heard all of this and were very unhappy.

No one has ever had an issue with our parenting if anything I’ve always been commended for my perseverance with DS. I honestly wish I’d never said anything, we just really needed help.

I disagree.

Get legal representation from the start, and fight for your child's needs to be met.

Otherwise the LA will evade their legal responsibility by blaming the parents. There isn't any money, there aren't services available, but LAs can't admit they are breaking the law.

Their only option is to blame parents. You need to insist they fulfill their legal responsibilities, with legal support.

You need lawyer or solicitor NOW.

And as long as parents continue to accept this then nothing will change.

If you are experiencing violence within the home you shouldn't have to.put up with it.

It doesn't make any difference whether the violence is from an adult or a child (biological or adopted).

The EHCP one is residential school, which of course is expensive but cheaper than residential care. Children home for holidays etc. If it's felt that risk can't be safely contained at home then it's residential care. We were in the situation where residential care was actually being suggested by social care themselves and by CAMHS, it was bad and no one knew what to do. In all fairness to social care they had spent several months trying to get agencies working together.

In our case CP was very much used for coordination and leverage (of course it came with a lot of parent blame but it felt like that was more of a paper exercise - it was horrendous though, very traumatic in fact). It amazingly did work, things did turn around for us. If we hadn't had CP then things could've ended really badly.

@Baital are you offering the OP a magical money tree for that legal representation? It is incredibly expensive to pay for privately, and assuming the OP doesn't have money to burn, it needs to be purposeful. Not to pay someone to sit mute in a meeting.

It wasn't a section47 enquiry though. There was no child protection conference and there was no child in need plan or child protection plan.

Yet social services had access to my medical information from 10 years ago.

In NO way is the CP process a positive one!

It's great! I have been involved for over a decade, and am so glad it is finally being seen.

I have seen my mental health battered, and my career and financial security destroyed by adopting.

OTOH we have weathered the storm and I have 2 wonderful daughters emerging as healthy, functioning young women, and we are solid as a family.

But not everyone emerges from it in such a positive place. And I now qualify as 'disabled' by mental health issues - though working FT in aliw paid job - as a result. My DDs are in long term therapy through a mix of private funding and the ASF. The ASF having an undecided future. There's no therapy available to me as their parent, of course.

The parent I knew in this situation ended up killing herself to force support for her DD.

The DD had LD, autism and downs syndrome and was extremely violent. Mum was threatened with prosecution for neglect (for routinely locking her in her bedroom when she beat the shit out of mum and her pregnant older sister) when she tried to get respite - no actual support was offered. By the time DD was 10, it was impossible and they were completely on their own. Even family wouldn't come inside because of the level of violence from DD. Still no support.

Mum killed herself with the DD in the house, having phoned SS to tell them this was the plan. They still didn't actually believe her. I imagine her corpse was a nasty shock when they turned up. She had been telling us for months that this was her only option to get the DD the support she needed. It was not unexpected.

Yes, 100% I think the state should have stepped in with residential care at £5k+ per week. They had to when her mum had died anyway... I think of that little girl and her mum often (they were family friends). I hope she's doing ok.

This was 20 years ago. It looks like nothing has changed. The position that families with serious and violent disabilities are put in by SS and the LA is disgusting, shameful and should be a national embarrassment. Instead it's just hidden away.

When you ask for help they don't have any to give so instead they make you the problem, work with you to demonstrate that they are helping the problem and then leave you devastated and worse off but with all their paperwork showing what a good job they did. Unfortunately there is no help out there and it is better not to ask for any.

If they did this without your signed consent then they were very wrong. It is awful to do that to parents. Of course agencies shouldn't be sharing information without it either! I've had schools phone me about closed cases and start telling me of concerns and I've had to stop them and ask if they have consent and zero times have they bothered to ask. They assume that previous involvement equals consent and that by telling me as the former social worker they aren't breaching anything - no, they need to refer to the front door as always. Same with GPs actually - I have requested for the child's info and been send parents' info before, or rather than being sent only relevant info they have been lazy and sent the whole medical record with info about their piles from 2003...

Well, there's legal representation and legal representation.

They need a specialist, and specialists have plenty of work. They will advise when their presence can be helpful.

But I know several families that got the needed provision for their child because they got the right lawyer involved. So the LA had to switch from dumping on the parent to meeting the child's needs.

I have experienced for myself the difference between attending these meetings as a 'mere' parent, and attending with an independent professional.

@JanglingJessica that's awful I'm so sorry. Fwiw I don't think this is a situation that has been hidden away, at least not in the last ten years - there have been numerous calls from senior judges that have been widely reported in the press, about the lack of government investment in SEN and specialist services for traumatised children. Often these are judges presiding over cases where they are having to make orders in wholly dissatisfactory situations, such as agreeing for children to be in homes that are extremely expensive but not meeting need, and the unregulated homes that a PP mentioned. It never seems to gain much traction with the general public or the serving government though. I genuinely don't understand why; I know some people are loathe to spend public money but this isn't about spending more, it would be what's often said about 'fixing the fence at the top of the cliff rather than paying for the ambulance at the bottom'.

The process is not positive and there is no help. And all the SWs and professionals here are saying because no money. Do the SWs here not want to campaign for change also? Rather than adopting the pounds, shillings and pence mentality and because ‘manager says’? The CP process is deeply intrusive and shaming. I am actually starting to wonder if it should be a module on the SW training. So, basically, everyone else on your course makes up lies about you or deliberately misinterprets things you have said or done to the point of extreme obtuseness. Then once you have been subject to this volley of mistruths, to the extent that you are feeling you are living in post-truth Russia, a room full of strangers takes a vote as to whether your children should be placed on CP Plans. We could call it Strictly Child Protection.

All the professionals here can piss off with there ‘it’s positive’/‘now there will be help for you’ trope. You are lying. Lying to us and lying to yourselves.

You're right, hidden isn't quite right is it.

Ignored and the elephant in the room perhaps. Everyone knows it's an issue but the government shut their eyes, then turn around so the issue is invisible. Then after that, everyone desperately blames the parents until something catastrophic happens, when all of a sudden things should have been different and 'lessons will be learned.' They're not though. They never are. It's now an area I loosely work alongside. I regularly comfort and console desperate parents being blamed for their children's medical needs in just the same way I saw years ago.

I understand that but there are legal 'experts' who will charge parents a fortune in situations where they are no more help than what a friend or family member can provide. Suggesting parents need a legal rep from the start and for the whole process, when it's out of reach, isn't helpful to the OP. There are specific circumstances where legal advice may be helpful (eg if the OP wishes to pursue having their child accommodated outside of care proceedings, or around provision under an EHCP) but not to just generally have a legal rep on call or at every meeting. It's unaffordable and unrealistic, and could actually backfire.

It always baffles me that this isn't a bigger thing as these are life or death situations/high risk of serious injury. The general public just don't seem to be aware, it's never in the press. I'm not even sure that other professionals are aware as they always seem horrified.

@ThePieceHall many professionals (social workers and related) do campaign for change, although unfortunately campaigning for it doesn't often change what they can do in their practice day to day, at least in a practical sense of what they can put in place. Bear in mind many professionals in social services, children's resi, PRUs etc go into that line of work due to experiences in their own lives or that of their extended family. There are many in social services who are care experienced, and/or foster parents, adoptive parents or caring for relatives children.

Agree with this 100%. Costs a fortune, waste of money at this stage and it's sometimes best not to poke the bear.

We have been on child in need plans, also initiated by myself. Not sure if that makes a difference? SW asked for our package to be increased and support provider multiple times and was rejected. Hence we kept pushing and ended up here.

Well, yes, not all legal professionals are equally good.

But once you know the LA are avoiding their responsibilities by blaming you, as the parent(s), then the best thing you can do is get a specialist lawyer and follow their advice. Including having them in meetings, when they say it can help.

Because no matter how untrained and inadequate and ill informed the 'professionals' in the meeting, their opinions and assumptions will count for more than yours as a 'mere' parent. Anything you say will be dismissed as self serving. Anything they say will be accepted as true. Unless you have an independent professional to challenge that

Do both your kids have SN? I think I remember you saying you got DLA for them both?

im so sorry this has been the outcome but I could see this was where it would go. They’ll seek to accommodate the “easier” child and leave the difficult one with your and your husband if they can.

Has the situation with his abusive behaviours improved since Christmas?

Then they are not yet on CP plans, this will be decided at an initial case conference, which you are invited to. A strategy meeting it a professionals meeting to consider whether a child protection enquiry is needed and whether to convene a child protection conference. So you can still express your views at that point. Gather all your info, any inaccuracies and present them at the meeting. Ask for clarity on what support has been implemented and state what your worries are. Don't go in making it about he said / she said, go in with a clear idea of what support you need and ask what the plan is that professionals can implement with you.

There shouldn't be a 'bear'.

If the professionals are doing their job, with adequate evidence, and fulfilling the LA's legal obligations there is nothing to hide.

They shouldn't 'need' to retaliate against a parent having legal representation. There shouldn't be anything to hide, or be defensive about.

It is quite worrying that you admit having legal representation would lead to retaliation and 'make things worse'.

When did the last Child In Need plan close as this would have bearing on the way they are sharing information now. Obviously if it was some time ago the social worker needs to confirm your consent. Legal representation isn't needed for initial child protection conferences, contact the social workers team manager and request to be talked through the process properly.