To want to stay home.

[inthecornersofmymind]

Every Saturday, I usually take the boys out for the day, but today is very cold and I'm not in the mood for it.

They have many things to enjoy in the house. Our 10-year-old is fine with being at home, but our 4-year-old isn't. He is by the door with his coat and shoes on, in tears.

I suggested that he play outside in the garden, but he refuses; he wants to go outside instead. I asked him if he wanted to bake, but as I suggest more activities, the more upset he gets. So I’ve just left him at the door.

My Husband isn’t bothered that he is crying at the door and has told me to leave him alone, I still feel a sense of guilt.

I'm considering taking him out for an hour or two to get some fresh air; however, the problem is that he loves being outside.

As soon as it's time to come back inside, he will refuse, and if I don't have a grip on his hand, he'll run down the street. I find myself having to offer him a bribe to get him inside, which I have been trying to put an end to.

Today, I really want to steer clear of any stress and just want to relax.

Am I being unfair to our child by not feeling up to going outside?

Rather than trying to create a hierarchy of whose WANTS come first, can you instead come up with a general plan or guidelines that take into consideration what your children NEED as well as what you and your husband can realistically do and what circumstances (including weather) permit, then communicate it and stick with it? For the four year old, lots of reinforcement will likely be needed - for example, tell him on Friday that it'll be VERY cold this weekend so we'll mostly be staying in, even on Saturday when we usually go out for the day. Remind him first thing Saturday morning, then if he's still dressed up standing by the door, gently remind him of the previous conversations. Of course don't change your properly-thought-out plans and go out all day just because he is upset, but unless it's dangerous or they're sick, both boys probably need to go out for a least a few hours. Since neither you nor your husband wants to take them, you'll have to come up with a way to divide up the responsibility fairly. Sorry to be trite, but your husband in particular seems to have forgotten: having children means you will very often be doing things you'd choose not to if it were just you, or just adults.

To be fair he has an excellent role model in dad that throwing a strop gets what you want. Don’t want to do anything just refuse and keep refusing, it upsets someone, oh well never mind. Dc learn very well from watching the adults around them.

You keep saying that, but do you really think playing alone in a garden is comparable to going out with your mum/brother/dad?

It's fair enough not to want to go out everyday, but that shouldn't mean a 4yo is kicked out to play alone. Mum or dad should have gone out in the garden and played with him for a bit.

Well it's comparable to the posters saying take him to a park and stand drinking a coffee. In fact I'd say it's better as my kids are allowed to do more in the garden than a public play area.

Have you posted about your situation before OP?
This all sounds weirdly familiar

I disagree. It's one day, kids need to suck it up some of the time and learn that they can''t always get what they want. That said, I think the husband is useless, but that's a separate issue.

Cant your DH take the 4 year old swimming? It’s indoors and warm and has the advantage of tiring them out.

I agree with a pp that boys are like dogs and do need their energy burning off but no reason why it has to be you that does it if the other parent is around.

During the Christmas break, we took two family holidays; we travel almost every school holiday, so our 4-year-old is rarely 'cooped up' indoors.

That’s the reason why he took today so badly and also due to the fact that I also rarely never say no to him.

However, people here think we are bad parents for not taking him outside today.

What parenting does your DH do?

I don’t think you’re a bad parent for not taking him out. If it was me, however, I’ve have taken him out because it would been less effort than starting a thread on here about it and having to entertain him indoors all day 😁.

I don't think you're a bad parent for wanting a day at home.

I think your DH is a bad parent for consistently opting out of taking his children out because "it's too cold".

Of course it's not. Parks have other children to play with.

Excuse me?

Why would you suggest he take him swimming, and since when is swimming deemed 'warm' unless it’s in a heated pool? I seriously question whether anyone with common sense would choose to swim today, because I know our 4-year-old wouldn't.

it not that your a bad parent. But there is two parents at home and two kids . One kid really want to go outside, one of you could have taken him a walk to shop/park or on bike/scooter just for half an hour.

Uh, aren't all indoor swimming pools warm and heated?

I took my 3 kids swimming today 😁. I don’t think we suffer from a lack of common sense. The leisure centre has central heating and the pool is heated to the same temperature whatever time of year it is.

My husband took one of my kids to the family splash session last night and the other one has a swimming lesson tomorrow. Swimming pools in the uk are heated and indoor.

Hearing “no” every now and then will do him good, that’s why he’s acting up. He thinks what he says goes.

If he has a garden available there’s no reason he can’t cope with playing outside for a day.

Yes!

Indoor pools are heated 😂

Are you one of those that only takes their kids swimming in the summer 🤦‍♀️

Is this a wind up? I was actually going to suggest Saturday morning swimming lessons like my DC have as it burns off energy that frees up the rest of the day and you can have a coffee while you're there, but I guess that is a no!

You've changed your mind on normal routine because you just can't be bothered? Your husband is offering 'guidance' without ever being involved? This is a child who needs time outside to regulate their behaviour?
YABU and your husband needs a good kick into actually parenting too

Doesn’t like the cold, doesn’t like crowded places. He really has it all sewn up doesn’t he?

I don’t think the poster was suggesting wild swimming

Does DH only parent when it is warm @inthecornersofmymind