To want to stay home.

[inthecornersofmymind]

Every Saturday, I usually take the boys out for the day, but today is very cold and I'm not in the mood for it.

They have many things to enjoy in the house. Our 10-year-old is fine with being at home, but our 4-year-old isn't. He is by the door with his coat and shoes on, in tears.

I suggested that he play outside in the garden, but he refuses; he wants to go outside instead. I asked him if he wanted to bake, but as I suggest more activities, the more upset he gets. So I’ve just left him at the door.

My Husband isn’t bothered that he is crying at the door and has told me to leave him alone, I still feel a sense of guilt.

I'm considering taking him out for an hour or two to get some fresh air; however, the problem is that he loves being outside.

As soon as it's time to come back inside, he will refuse, and if I don't have a grip on his hand, he'll run down the street. I find myself having to offer him a bribe to get him inside, which I have been trying to put an end to.

Today, I really want to steer clear of any stress and just want to relax.

Am I being unfair to our child by not feeling up to going outside?

What kind of example is being set for your children by growing up seeing their mother run herself ragged, while their father sits on his lazy arse because he, "doesn't like cold weather/people/crowded places"?

I fucking pity the woman your son ends up having children with. You're teaching him that he can opt out of parts of parenting he doesn't fancy on a whim.

You don't sound very happy about it either, no matter what you say. If your husband had his shit together and actually acted like an involved father, your 4 year old toddler wouldn't be upset. His dad could take him out while his mum stays at home with the older child. No one would be stressing out. Your DH might be mildly inconvenienced, but that's life with children sometimes. It's part of being a parent.

Fucking madness.

I used to do soft play at times like these. Yes, it's hideous, but you can sit with a coffee inside and let them burn off the energy. As a mum of boys I have spent half my life in parks and playgrounds and woods in wind rain and shine. But when I really could not be arsed to be out in the cold it was soft play or trampolining.
I was a girly girl and only wore heels before my two came along. Now I am leggings, trainers and a huge coat to be ready for the daily excerising of the boys!

Sorry OP, but it does rather sound like you’ve given in to the 4 year old a bit too much and now you’re paying the price.
Let him whimper by the door for a while, he’ll soon get fed up and find something to play with indoors.

I understand all this but little kids do need to go out and play. Wrap up warm, make your favourite tea, coffee, hot chocolate, pack a big bag with something for him to eat and drink and just roam few streets , what is so hard about that

Poor kids, there’s two adults one of you take him to the park.

Could I ask what the thing you don't like doing so don't do is OP? And who's going to do the parts of parenting you refuse to do if the other is too unwell to do it?

They might not have spotted anything if your ds is neurodivergent. No one spotted anything (apart from me and I was told no when I queried it a few times) in my dd until she was 16.

Our 4-year-old is having fun upstairs with his brother.

I'm glad I stayed in today instead of going out with him since I wasn't in the mood to leave the house.

It is too cold for mum and dad. And they are the decision- makers. So, it is too cold.

Why is what you and your DH want more important than what your 4yo wants?

Unless you're ill I can't see why you or your DH can't go out in the cold. I'm from a hot country and I still go out in the winter everyday. It's much harder being stuck at home all day with small children anyway.

I did not go even to parks at that stage, just to the nearest green field no matter which with a ball

Obtuse. Whatever

Maybe for you, but not for everyone.

Maybe it's the mindset of "stuck at home". Whee as for me, home is where I choose to be, mine and my childrens place to relax and be ourselves.

this is the new trend, apparently. Women refusing to do the simplest smallest things we all did when we had to.

No. The new trend is making people feel bad for not gleefully doing the things they really don't like when there's another perfectly capable adult who dispises it less to do it, or an alternative to doing it at all.

Sometimes it’s easier to compromise. A quick walk to stop the crying. It sounds like he thrives on routine and is struggling that today is different. Your dh sounds quite set in his ways maybe your son is similar.

Anyone else feel sorry for a 4 year old who simply wants to go outside but doesn’t because both parents out their needs 100% front and centre

I am all for parents particularly mothers not be a martyr an sacrificing their own needs entirely at the altar of their children but at the same time parenting is sucking up the things you don’t want to do for your children when it is the healthy and right thing to do

and taking a 4 year for a short scoot around the block fits into that

They have a garden. He can go out in that.

Children need to be taught that they don't get to do whatever they want 100% of the time, even if they throw a tantrum.

when you have kids you have to crack on and take them out whether you feel like it or not - part of parenting I’m afraid . It’s unfair to keep them cooped up indoors just because you can’t be arsed .

You also sound weak and wishy washy - who asks their 4yr old what they want to do ? They’re four - you tell them what you’re doing ! You’re the parent so take charge!

Children don't generally have tantrums to manipulate their parents. That's just not how the brain works at all. Young children don't have the capacity to manage emotions and impulsivity and need help from adults to do this.

So, while dc do need to learn, they learn by adults helping to name their feels, helping them to calm, and recognising and prioritising their needs.

Dc in families where their needs and distress are ignored learn to behave in ways to get their needs met (generally by escalating their behaviour). And they still aren't being manipulative, it isn't maliciously preplanned. It just how human brains work at that age.

I don’t have small kids , I have been out today for essentials. I feel it is too cold. I’ve felt freezing all day , everyone feels the cold differently.

Playing alone in the garden is hardly comparable to going out with his mum/dad/brother, though.

I actually don't think OP should have gone out, seeing as she does it all the time, but I do think her DH needs to buck his ideas up and be a parent for once.

If they give in now then he subconciously learns that throwing a strop = Mummy and Daddy giving me what I want. Even a newborn can grasp that, hence the whole idea of 'crying it out.' Any minor disagreement will result in sobbing at the front door.

Again, they have a garden to play in, so there's really no issue.

What are the things your DH compromises on that you don’t like doing?