To want to stay home.

[inthecornersofmymind]

Every Saturday, I usually take the boys out for the day, but today is very cold and I'm not in the mood for it.

They have many things to enjoy in the house. Our 10-year-old is fine with being at home, but our 4-year-old isn't. He is by the door with his coat and shoes on, in tears.

I suggested that he play outside in the garden, but he refuses; he wants to go outside instead. I asked him if he wanted to bake, but as I suggest more activities, the more upset he gets. So I’ve just left him at the door.

My Husband isn’t bothered that he is crying at the door and has told me to leave him alone, I still feel a sense of guilt.

I'm considering taking him out for an hour or two to get some fresh air; however, the problem is that he loves being outside.

As soon as it's time to come back inside, he will refuse, and if I don't have a grip on his hand, he'll run down the street. I find myself having to offer him a bribe to get him inside, which I have been trying to put an end to.

Today, I really want to steer clear of any stress and just want to relax.

Am I being unfair to our child by not feeling up to going outside?

Depends on your park. We're often alone at ours, especially when it's cold and icy like today.

It wasn't the op who suggested it wouldn't be heated.

Yes I think it was Ponita. Op suggested that you’d only go swimming if it was heated - which of course they are indoors as other posters pointed out.

I actually think the op is the unpleasant poster on this thread to be honest. Her reaction to a fairly innocuous suggestion was a weird overreaction.

Apologies, you are right. I've read back.

Agreed… someone made a reasonable suggestion of swimming and the reply was entirely disproportionate, saying anyone who goes swimming in the winter (many, many people) lack common sense!

Sure, but for a 4yo it’s still more exciting than being left to play alone in your own back garden.

I would have been happy to play in the garden with him.

He has already told me he is going outside. I plan to take him for a walk soon.

I’m a bit late to the conversation but need to add - So if you are working on his behavior you have to stick with “no means no”. In future if you see bad weather coming up, you tell him the day before that you are staying home and give him some options of activities. This gives dad an opportunity to take part in the day’s fun. I assume you have the heating on. He can’t complain about the cold.

Do you not go for family walks @inthecornersofmymind? If you take 4yo old out what do the rest of the family do? How many DC do you have?

Sometimes, yes, we have two other boys.

Should our 10-year-old choose not to come along for the walk, which he probably will, he'll be at home with dad and his baby brother.

Edited since OP has already replied.

I think you should read the thread or at least Op’s updates. She has a husband who has opted out completely of taking the children out. And it’s unclear whether OP is going to accept that this is a major reason for her issues, as currently she is normalising his lack of help.

She has bigger issues than a 4 year old wanting to go out that’s for sure.

OP rather needs to focus on no means no with her husband. No he does not get to opt out of exercising his children.

Cold is not bad weather. The only excuse not to go outside at all is if it’s pouring with rain all day, which doesn’t happen that often, and there’s usually dry spells within it. Nor does rain preclude swimming or indoor sports.

This thread seems to be going round in circles now as you seem to be avoiding the hard questions OP but I’ll say one last thing..,

There was a little bit of honesty from you earlier but now you’re keeping silent on the issues you hinted at. I think if you’re honest you will be able to share your husband is the problem here.

I hope you’ll find your strength and channel your anger not at someone suggesting you go for a swim in winter, but perhaps at the fact your husband has completely opted out of a major part of fatherhood/parenting.

✌️

Are dog owners entitled to just do what they want?

There are some breeds of dog that you genuinely cannot not walk.

If you don’t like the cold then don’t get a dog.

Absolutely. I can't imagine having three children with a man who refuses to do even the most basic parenting because it's "too cold" or "too crowded".

There are very, very few parents who want to be wandering around crowded zoos or standing in freezing cold parks on a Sunday morning but they do it because that's what you sign up for when you have children.

The DH is the issue here. Not the 4yo.

Excuse me?
Why would you suggest he take him swimming, and since when is swimming deemed 'warm' unless it’s in a heated pool? I seriously question whether anyone with common sense would choose to swim today, because I know our 4-year-old wouldn't.

This was the comment people are facepalming. A poster suggested she take her DC swimming specifically somewhere indoors and warm, a very normal, beneficial and healthy thing for DC that most UK parents do regularly in winter and OP suggested that poster lacked common sense.

I just want to point put too that OP has another post running, stating her 10YO was sent home from school this week. The 10YO opened up that they wanted to return home as they were worried about Mum due to their marrital issues. I think these threads together paint more of an idea that this isn't a healthy marriage where OP wants a day off and her DH is a supportive coparent, they have serious issues that are causing direct a impact to their DCs wellbeing. I'm not saying this to be harsh OP but that is the reality of the situation and it will not change until you face these issues head on.

That isn’t a family walk then. A family walk would be when all of you go.

What people start threads about is often not the root of the problem they're having.

Yep. The OP is so far in denial it's almost impressive.

OP you'd find you'll get a lot of support on here when you open up about the problems

Why 'essential'?

What would be the end result if that didn't happen?

I’d like you to be aware that I’m using this site as a platform to vent my worries and concerns. I have been here for a while, but I have only just now found the courage to start speaking out.

Whenever I face an issue, big or small, this will be the place I turn to in the future.

Although some of you might find it sad, I would rather keep it from my real-life friends and family because it's embarrassing.

All I ask is for people to think before they comment because some remarks here have been very mean. I will ignore any I consider rude or disrespectful.

I just got back from a walk with our 4-year-old, and it wasn't as chilly today.

As usual, he refused to come inside the house, so I asked my husband to go outside and bring him in, since I will no longer be negotiating with him or offering any incentives.

Is there anyone else in this thread who faces the challenge of their child not wanting to come back inside after being outdoors? How do you deal with this situation?

I'd probably leave him run off his energy in the garden, assuming it was safe and enclosed, and he's not likely to make a break for freedom?