Post surgery gaming partner, wanting him to fucking grow up

[didntsignup]

My OH plays video games habitually, he never stops. I’m off work at the moment recovering from surgery and I’m getting so annoyed with his gaming.

Firstly he does shit all in the house. I’ve just struggled out of bed and he’s sitting on the couch playing a game on his phone. I said I need to put the washing on. He half heartedly said “should I do it?”

The dishes are piled up. Washing basket overflowing. Bins needs emptying. He does fuck all.

I usually work 9-5 but obviously been off this week, and he comes back from work around 2. He sets up himself on his laptop and games til about 6.

But when he’s finished on his laptop hell switch to his phone again. And plays it all night. Unless of course he wants sex. After sex (if it happens, which it hasn’t since surgery obviously) he’ll play on it until 1 or 2am. When I see the light on his phone I’ll quietly ask him to turn it off, which is met by moans of it helps him sleep/it’s his hobby/ it’s what he wants to do.

I am getting so angry just being in a room with him. I’ll say something and he’ll respond 30 seconds later not knowing what I’ve said but head buried in a phone. Was the same in hospital when I was there - 8 hours post surgery just playing on his fucking phone.

It’s so off putting, I feel like I’m in a teenage relationship where I have to ask for basic conversation or for him to do a fucking dish.

Any wives of gamers here? Is this normal? Aibu

LTB

Do you have children together? If not in all honesty I think I'd be out of there. Something vern unattractive about a man who behaves like a teenage boy.

Actually even if I had children I think I'd be making plans to separate.

First post nails it

Not voted because I think YABU to be in a relationship with someone like this. Almost as unreasonable as he is to behave like this.

You're in a relationship with an addict who occasionally puts his phone down to demand that you have sex with him. Why are you?

Not a wife of a gamer so no useful wisdom to offer. That would drive me mad, honestly. Can you give the useless man-child a list of what needs doing? I know that's really annoying as well.
Honestly, I think gaming is addictive.

My husband and I are both gamers. I can confirm your partner is being a dick and this is not normal.

We game a lot, but never at the expense of getting things done around the house/looking after our family. Wed also never keep the other one awake with lights from gaming. He sounds completely selfish and useless. Your partner needs to switch off and help out properly and empathetically. Even without you being in recovery he should be pulling his weight before logging on. If he doesn’t, I’d seriously be reevaluating your relationship and if you want to be with someone who will prioritise gaming over you.

I am a gamer and so is my partner and NO this is not normal. Gaming can be a hobby you are enthusiastic about or it can be something you rot in.

This sounds like addiction or arrested development.

There are 2 issues stemming from his problem - his lack of investment in your home life and his lack of communication.

If he is possibly ND though, have you tried communicating a bit more bluntly? Do you directly say to him what his jobs are?

Whether you are willing to do that I guess would depend on whether he has qualities you do love, respect and admire?

He's off work. You are recovering from surgery. I'm guessing he should be helping you as you recover? Making you breakfast, asking if you need a drink, making you dinner, checking you are comfortable, fetching you pain or other meds, he doing any of that? He should also at the bare minumum be doing the housework. He sounds like a child.

He's addicted to gaming, unfortunately. He needs to draw strict lines as to when he can indulge in it, other times he needs to find other chores to do. He needs to be more helpful to you and also not be doing that so late at night as the blue light from screens does disturb sleep. Not sure how you convince him of this, though, I've not been in that situation, but until he recognises he has a problem, then it's unlikely he'll change.

LTB.

My husband is a gamer. He pulls his weight around the house and if I were off with surgery, everything would be clean, tidy and done.

You are an addict's wife. This is your wake up call: get out now.

His gaming and uselessness didn't bother you untill you need him? Why did you do everything before.

It did, it’s just more pronounced now.

You must be absolutely desperate to be tolerating such a man-child loser.

This is who he is, a selfish waster.
You would want to be out of your mind to ever have a child with him.

Hope you feel better soon.
You are behaving like his mother.
How could you have sex with that?

This isn’t acceptable behaviour for an adult

he is lazy, not doing anything around the house
he is selfish, not looking after his wife after surgery
he is obsessed with a different seotld

Wife of a gamer. He would never leave the house like that before gaming regardless of whether or not I had surgery. He might need prompting to do the washing. Since having kids he has mainly chosen not to get certain games as knows he'd want to spend time on them that he just doesn't have anymore (most the games he plays are not suitable to play in front of the kids) and is waiting til he can play without neglecting everyone. So basically, no I don't think your experience is normal and he needs to either make some serious changes or jog on!

Edited to add that part of the reason he has made the choice about not gaming so much as he knows that he gets addicted to certain types of games as well and can lose hours and hours without noticing - he doesn't want to do that so just avoids those ones completely now

Make your recovery a time to get over dumping the dead weight.

What does he add positively to your life?

My DH is a gamer and nothing like this.

Why would you put up with this?

This here. It sounds like a joyless existence being with him regardless of your current post-surgical condition.

I wouldn't accept that from my teenagers.

I'm hoping this isn't too committed a relationship from your descriptions because he certainly isn't an adult partner, and unfortunately the odds of this type addressing their behaviour to be decent, funtional adults is pretty poor. You deserve better.

My husband is a gamer. Definitely can confirm this is not normal. When do you spend time doing stuff together?

Well look, ffs just get rid of the lazy arse! Leave him to fcking fend for himself. Why subject yourself to a life of twattery with a moron?

DH is a gamer and has another hobby that is immersive and can monopolise his attention for hours - neither come before parenting or being a useful member of the household. I had to have major surgery early last year, literally couldn't lift anything heavier than 1kg or bend over for 6 weeks afterwards and I slept a lot. During those 6 weeks he did all the housework, cooking, laundry, shopping - all the stuff we usually share - and didn't complain once.

Yours sounds like a useless man-child who thinks he's found himself a nice live-in cook and housekeeper so he doesn't have to do anything he doesn't want to do. You'd be better off without the additional cleaning and laundry that he generates.

Wife of a gamer here also. He probably does more of the house stuff than I do and games if he has checked we don't have anything else to do/I want to catch up on my programmes he doesn't watch/has organised time to do so on a co-op with a friend.

I'm guessing if it wasn't games your "D" P would find something else to waste his time with and it's not that gaming in and of itself is the issue.

My husband and I are both gamers. The issue isn’t the gaming. It’s that he’s a useless piece of shit. He should be looking after you! DH and I share housework and when we’ve had surgery each has done everything for the other.

What do you get out of this relationship?