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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Post surgery gaming partner, wanting him to fucking grow up

141 replies

didntsignup · 10/01/2026 11:33

My OH plays video games habitually, he never stops. I’m off work at the moment recovering from surgery and I’m getting so annoyed with his gaming.

Firstly he does shit all in the house. I’ve just struggled out of bed and he’s sitting on the couch playing a game on his phone. I said I need to put the washing on. He half heartedly said “should I do it?”

The dishes are piled up. Washing basket overflowing. Bins needs emptying. He does fuck all.

I usually work 9-5 but obviously been off this week, and he comes back from work around 2. He sets up himself on his laptop and games til about 6.

But when he’s finished on his laptop hell switch to his phone again. And plays it all night. Unless of course he wants sex. After sex (if it happens, which it hasn’t since surgery obviously) he’ll play on it until 1 or 2am. When I see the light on his phone I’ll quietly ask him to turn it off, which is met by moans of it helps him sleep/it’s his hobby/ it’s what he wants to do.

I am getting so angry just being in a room with him. I’ll say something and he’ll respond 30 seconds later not knowing what I’ve said but head buried in a phone. Was the same in hospital when I was there - 8 hours post surgery just playing on his fucking phone.

It’s so off putting, I feel like I’m in a teenage relationship where I have to ask for basic conversation or for him to do a fucking dish.

Any wives of gamers here? Is this normal? Aibu

OP posts:
Datafan55 · 10/01/2026 13:47

When you leave, be sure to tell him 'New level of singledom unlocked'.

bombastix · 10/01/2026 13:56

I said you were unreasonable because gamers never change. They are the most juvenile of men. He’s obviously extremely selfish from your description so you need to prioritize yourself.

AnneLovesGilbert · 10/01/2026 13:59

I can’t believe you have sex with him. Get rid.

neilyoungismyhero · 10/01/2026 13:59

LTB

silverwrath · 10/01/2026 14:05

He sounds lazy. And addicted. But you're his partner. Not his mother.

Serious discussion necessary about how you manage your domestic responsibilities going forward. If he doesn't grow up and start pulling his weight, I'd be kicking him to the kerb.

SlashBeef · 10/01/2026 14:06

Yanbu to be pissed off with it but yabu to stay in this relationship. You're incompatible and it sounds bleak.

KateShugakIsALegend · 10/01/2026 14:08

You can do better

binkie163 · 10/01/2026 14:29

Dietday · 10/01/2026 11:44

You must be absolutely desperate to be tolerating such a man-child loser.

This is who he is, a selfish waster.
You would want to be out of your mind to ever have a child with him.

Hope you feel better soon.
You are behaving like his mother.
How could you have sex with that?

This👍
Why on earth would you want to be with him.

Nowimhereandimlost · 10/01/2026 14:49

Yeah, I'd find this deeply unattractive

WingsTingle · 10/01/2026 14:54

Get rid.

Ineedanewsofa · 10/01/2026 15:03

I’m genuinely surprised by the amount of PPs who have said they are married to gamers who do pull their weight and act like adults rather than overgrown teenagers because my experience of gamers (I work in tech so encounter quite a few!) is that they have been exactly like @didntsignup’s DH and I’ve wondered why their partners put up with it. Have my first ever LTB!

gamerchick · 10/01/2026 15:05

Ineedanewsofa · 10/01/2026 15:03

I’m genuinely surprised by the amount of PPs who have said they are married to gamers who do pull their weight and act like adults rather than overgrown teenagers because my experience of gamers (I work in tech so encounter quite a few!) is that they have been exactly like @didntsignup’s DH and I’ve wondered why their partners put up with it. Have my first ever LTB!

We can all be wrong on occasion. Don't worry about it.

ElegantFowl · 10/01/2026 15:21

You’re nuts if you stay with him. I have to say, I find grown arsed adults addicted to gaming mighty tragic.

thestaffy · 10/01/2026 20:28

Simple question.

What do you see your relationship looking like in 5 years time? The same as now? How often do you actually talk to each other??

I see big red flags.

pilates · 10/01/2026 20:38

LTB
How unattractive

Screamingabdabz · 10/01/2026 20:41

Why are you with such useless waste of space?

FlapperFlamingo · 10/01/2026 20:49

He won't change, you'll be stuck with an overgrown teenager who adds nothing to your life for as long as you're with him. Leave him. You'll be surprised at how much better life will be!

CluelessAboutBiology · 10/01/2026 22:45

I used to live with someone who was addicted to a particular computer game. The second he got home from work he would be on the game, until bedtime.

He did once admit he spent too much time doing it, and that he would cut down, but of course he didn’t. Foolishly I endured this for 11 years before I saw sense and moved out.

rainbowsparkle28 · 10/01/2026 22:48

Leave, seriously, he won’t change and life is too short to put up with this kind of manchild shit. You deserve so much more.

metalbottle · 10/01/2026 22:50

Don't you mean ex partner? Why do women put up with these man-children?

Ireallywantadoughnut36 · 11/01/2026 18:14

Why are you with him!? Genuinely question, what joy does he add to your life? Also why say "I need to put a wash on"?
I wouldn't be with someone like this tbh, but if I was I'd say "I've had surgery, you need to do the house- washing, cooking, cleaning, dishwashing, thanks".
The gaming is a bit of a moot point, it's more that he's hopeless round the house, isn't looking after you, you don't seem to have anything in common and you don't actually seem to like him/value having him around. If he were watching tv or reading books it wouldn't matter, he'd still be being a shit husband.
Get rid or tell him it's 50/50 or he goes

Frugalgal · 11/01/2026 18:19

didntsignup · 10/01/2026 11:33

My OH plays video games habitually, he never stops. I’m off work at the moment recovering from surgery and I’m getting so annoyed with his gaming.

Firstly he does shit all in the house. I’ve just struggled out of bed and he’s sitting on the couch playing a game on his phone. I said I need to put the washing on. He half heartedly said “should I do it?”

The dishes are piled up. Washing basket overflowing. Bins needs emptying. He does fuck all.

I usually work 9-5 but obviously been off this week, and he comes back from work around 2. He sets up himself on his laptop and games til about 6.

But when he’s finished on his laptop hell switch to his phone again. And plays it all night. Unless of course he wants sex. After sex (if it happens, which it hasn’t since surgery obviously) he’ll play on it until 1 or 2am. When I see the light on his phone I’ll quietly ask him to turn it off, which is met by moans of it helps him sleep/it’s his hobby/ it’s what he wants to do.

I am getting so angry just being in a room with him. I’ll say something and he’ll respond 30 seconds later not knowing what I’ve said but head buried in a phone. Was the same in hospital when I was there - 8 hours post surgery just playing on his fucking phone.

It’s so off putting, I feel like I’m in a teenage relationship where I have to ask for basic conversation or for him to do a fucking dish.

Any wives of gamers here? Is this normal? Aibu

Another useless fucking man child.

Gollumm · 11/01/2026 18:22

Why haven’t you dumped him yet?

forgetfullarkspur · 11/01/2026 18:22

My partner and I both enjoy gaming, sometimes together, sometimes separately. We both have other hobbies which we either do as ‘parallel play’ or on our own.
We both do this on the basis that that we work on the house as a team before gaming or other activities.
I’m sorry to say, but this isn’t a gaming issue - it’s a partner issue. The surgery thing is a huge problem and I’m so sorry he didn’t take care of you. Just think how he might be if you have children (assuming you don’t already/that this is something you want/are able to do).
I think couples therapy would be a good, neutral outlet for you both. You will have a designated space to air your grievances and if he isn’t prepared to listen, then that’s your answer on the future of this relationship.
Wishing you all the best.

ChopstickNovice · 11/01/2026 18:25

DH and I both game. We also both cook, clean and wash up and do laundry

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