Post surgery gaming partner, wanting him to fucking grow up

[didntsignup]

My OH plays video games habitually, he never stops. I’m off work at the moment recovering from surgery and I’m getting so annoyed with his gaming.

Firstly he does shit all in the house. I’ve just struggled out of bed and he’s sitting on the couch playing a game on his phone. I said I need to put the washing on. He half heartedly said “should I do it?”

The dishes are piled up. Washing basket overflowing. Bins needs emptying. He does fuck all.

I usually work 9-5 but obviously been off this week, and he comes back from work around 2. He sets up himself on his laptop and games til about 6.

But when he’s finished on his laptop hell switch to his phone again. And plays it all night. Unless of course he wants sex. After sex (if it happens, which it hasn’t since surgery obviously) he’ll play on it until 1 or 2am. When I see the light on his phone I’ll quietly ask him to turn it off, which is met by moans of it helps him sleep/it’s his hobby/ it’s what he wants to do.

I am getting so angry just being in a room with him. I’ll say something and he’ll respond 30 seconds later not knowing what I’ve said but head buried in a phone. Was the same in hospital when I was there - 8 hours post surgery just playing on his fucking phone.

It’s so off putting, I feel like I’m in a teenage relationship where I have to ask for basic conversation or for him to do a fucking dish.

Any wives of gamers here? Is this normal? Aibu

This is an addiction.
When you’ve been bullied talk to him don’t use the term gaming. Call it what it is, his addiction. Let him know his addiction has taken him out of your relatIonship.

I'm a gamer. I play about 2 hours, 3 times a week, once everything else is done, because I have a wife and child who deserve my attention.

Would I like to play more often? Yeah, sometimes when the weather's crap, but not often.

Gaming is a hobby, and like any other hobby it can be something you do occasionally for fun, or something that becomes all consuming, or that you do because you want to avoid doing the washing up (like I'm doing by sitting on Mumsnet right now)

It's not the gaming that's making your partner a twat @didntsignup , it's the fact that he's a twat. If he wasn't gaming, he'd find another reason to do fuck all.

I am a gamer and I don't recognise this at all

wtf why did you marry such a loser of a guy!! Wise your bar op. This isn’t normal - please also say you have no kids together.

Yeah, he’d be going!

I’ve had 3 surgeries this past year. I didn’t lift a finger after! I got coffee/tea and food in bed if I needed it. Dh is a company director who works full days and commutes part of the week. I couldn’t drive for 6 weeks and he did every school run. All of the heavy lifting. Days out with the kids every weekend to let me sleep. Took off the whole of the half term to do the childcare.

This one needs to go in the bin.

We're a gaming family and this isn't normal

It's not the gaming that's the issue OP. He's either addicted or he's trying to escape something. What that thing is is anybodies guess.

Both gamers, responsibility and kids happiness and fun always comes first. Have the mutual understanding if in a game that can't be paused and team based - emergencies instant log out but in general leniency with waiting for a response unless critical. What you're describing I'd not tolerate op. At all. He games during work hours too, and most the day but everything else is done so why not. If he's needed he stops immediately though, zero issue. Just about mutual respect for each other (which includes it non critical and we're playing something we can't pause we let the other finish).

It would annoy you more now. It's highlighted the fact that when you need him to step help - post surgery, you can't rely on him and he's not there (won't be there) for you.

Have you decided what to do?

Why. On. EARTH are you with him?

Bin him. What a loser.

Bin him off OP.

Second hand ick. He sounds awful. Will you have a long recovery? Do you have any other support in place? You deserve better than this.

Echoing others, DH and I both game to different degrees (he’ll play immersive epic games that can go on for 100s of hours, I play a bit of Mario or Angry Birds). Neither of us do it at the expense of the housework, childcare, or each other. I play a bit while DS is napping or in the evening while the TV is on and DH sometimes stays up an hour or two after I’ve gone to bed, but he’s still up at 6am to give DS breakfast.

The gaming is simply an excuse for being a lazy arse. I hope you don’t have kids with him because he certainly won’t improve if you do.

What are his redeeming qualities? He needs to cut down on the gaming at least while you are together. He can do it before you get back from work and then spend the evening with you. Definitely don’t bring any children into the mix unless he proves he is able to cut down or stop.

Me and my husband are/were gamers but we haven’t games in 4 years since we had kids. It would just be tragic to have a child needing stimulation and engagement while we are 100% focused on a game.

Hobbies that take over home life and living together are unacceptable, especially if only one partner carries out the hobby like gaming, crafting etc. Imagine if you sat there and knitted 8 hours a day at the expense of any housework?

Much prefer men with hobbies like golf or other sports where they go out on the weekend play their sport for a few hours and then come home.

He doesn’t sound old enough to be in a relationship.

It's too easy to pick up the slack for another person because you can see it needs to be done. But when you've had surgery, and just can't do it, all you can then see is things piling up, which makes it more obvious that you're the one who does everything.

I always find myself pottering around doing bits and bobs, and then sometimes I stop and think why the heck am I doing all of these things, it really shouldn't be entirely my responsibility!

Even if it were 'normal', its not good behaviour!

There's a phone called The Balance Phone which doesn't allow games and gambling but has all the other essentials.

I wish women would stop giving men like this a chance. The men will either change and grow up or stay the same. It’s not your job to deal with this- especially when ill.

Bin him.

Once you taken out sleep and work and think how many hours of life that leaves, it seems like a tragic use of his existence to be on a screen all the time. It smacks of someone with no curiosity in people, animals, cars, anything in the wider world.

It's sad and not someone I'd want to explore life with.

Leave him, he’s not
going to
change, men don’t

When I was ill the house ran the same because dh took over and he had a console but didn’t want to live in a shit hole either and he was an adult. Yours is a man baby

I agree this is who he is. He won't change. Up to you what you're willing to tolerate for the sake of being in a relationship.
Men like this should really just stay single and hire cleaners.
I do think people really show who they are when you are sick though.
Anyway, hope you recover soon OP.

What on earth does he bring to your life? Seriously OP, you have a FT job so presumably can pay your own way, you do all the household chores, don’t want sex with this man-child, have no social life together and rightly find him tedious & lazy. There’s literally nothing left here just hoof him out and enjoy a clean, tidy and peaceful home.