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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Post surgery gaming partner, wanting him to fucking grow up

141 replies

didntsignup · 10/01/2026 11:33

My OH plays video games habitually, he never stops. I’m off work at the moment recovering from surgery and I’m getting so annoyed with his gaming.

Firstly he does shit all in the house. I’ve just struggled out of bed and he’s sitting on the couch playing a game on his phone. I said I need to put the washing on. He half heartedly said “should I do it?”

The dishes are piled up. Washing basket overflowing. Bins needs emptying. He does fuck all.

I usually work 9-5 but obviously been off this week, and he comes back from work around 2. He sets up himself on his laptop and games til about 6.

But when he’s finished on his laptop hell switch to his phone again. And plays it all night. Unless of course he wants sex. After sex (if it happens, which it hasn’t since surgery obviously) he’ll play on it until 1 or 2am. When I see the light on his phone I’ll quietly ask him to turn it off, which is met by moans of it helps him sleep/it’s his hobby/ it’s what he wants to do.

I am getting so angry just being in a room with him. I’ll say something and he’ll respond 30 seconds later not knowing what I’ve said but head buried in a phone. Was the same in hospital when I was there - 8 hours post surgery just playing on his fucking phone.

It’s so off putting, I feel like I’m in a teenage relationship where I have to ask for basic conversation or for him to do a fucking dish.

Any wives of gamers here? Is this normal? Aibu

OP posts:
canuckup · 11/01/2026 18:31

Do you have kids or not??

Bemused89 · 11/01/2026 18:47

Think to yourself... Is this where I want to be in 10 or 20 years. I suspect we all know the answer to that. If he's not even prepared to stop and look after you when you are recovering from surgery he isn't ever going to change. Leave now and whatever you do, don't start adding children into that mix. Take care.

EchoesOfOurDreams · 11/01/2026 18:49

Honestly LTB.

And there is something wrong with you if you don't.

Weekmindedfool · 11/01/2026 18:50

So why are you with such a child in the first place?

OnePeachShark · 11/01/2026 18:55

Dh is a gamer and does washing, cooking, cleaning, looking after the kids etc. The problem isn’t his games, it’s him.

zigazigaaaing · 11/01/2026 19:09

I would be leaving this man. nothing more to say on the matter

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 11/01/2026 19:12

You need to tell him to get off his arse and get what needs doing done. Moving forward he needs weekly practice ... stop behaving like he is a child!

MangaKanga · 11/01/2026 19:14

The twat realises you don't clean up for the sheer joy of it? I fucking hate housework but do it because I don't want my family to live in a pit of flies, rats and cockroaches.

Even little sparrows and mice have immaculate homes and nests.

He's substandard. Get rid.

ChaliceinWonderland · 11/01/2026 19:17

This is sad. Invite friends round to witness it, make comments. Just be awful to him, then say you are leaving him. He has an addiction. Don't be his enabler.

My exh is an alcoholic. Just a different set of circumstances
He is now an ex. Honesty you are better off alone...

pinkgown · 11/01/2026 19:22

Unplug the router and hide it.

HopeSpringsEternally · 11/01/2026 19:35

Sounds like you married a permanent teenager.
If you have no children, get out asap.

CatCaretaker · 11/01/2026 19:40

Yes, partner is a gamer (so am I but haven't played in over a year now). We have a 1 year old and DP only plays after we're in bed and after he has cleaned up from dinner. Your DH sounds like a dick...

Carrie516 · 11/01/2026 20:32

didntsignup · 10/01/2026 11:33

My OH plays video games habitually, he never stops. I’m off work at the moment recovering from surgery and I’m getting so annoyed with his gaming.

Firstly he does shit all in the house. I’ve just struggled out of bed and he’s sitting on the couch playing a game on his phone. I said I need to put the washing on. He half heartedly said “should I do it?”

The dishes are piled up. Washing basket overflowing. Bins needs emptying. He does fuck all.

I usually work 9-5 but obviously been off this week, and he comes back from work around 2. He sets up himself on his laptop and games til about 6.

But when he’s finished on his laptop hell switch to his phone again. And plays it all night. Unless of course he wants sex. After sex (if it happens, which it hasn’t since surgery obviously) he’ll play on it until 1 or 2am. When I see the light on his phone I’ll quietly ask him to turn it off, which is met by moans of it helps him sleep/it’s his hobby/ it’s what he wants to do.

I am getting so angry just being in a room with him. I’ll say something and he’ll respond 30 seconds later not knowing what I’ve said but head buried in a phone. Was the same in hospital when I was there - 8 hours post surgery just playing on his fucking phone.

It’s so off putting, I feel like I’m in a teenage relationship where I have to ask for basic conversation or for him to do a fucking dish.

Any wives of gamers here? Is this normal? Aibu

Ultimatum!! If he doesn't stop, you have to tell him it's over.

NewGirlInTown · 11/01/2026 20:35

I would never date a gamer. The ick would be ever present.

BuildbyNumbere · 11/01/2026 21:19

Just leave … he probably won’t even notice.

MyMiniMetro · 11/01/2026 21:39

You’re his mum not his lover. Leave.

CelestialCandyfloss · 12/01/2026 07:48

God this is giving me flashbacks! My first serious relationship when I was 20 (30 years ago!) was like this. We didn't have phones or internet games but he got a games console and sat in our spare room gaming all the time. He worked odd hours and I felt so alone, as he was either gaming or at work. He didn't do anything round the house. He was actually a lovely person before it all started, he just got addicted. You have tried to talk to him and he's not listened. I think you need to seriously think if you want to be with this person cos if he's not there for you when you need him post-surgery he's never going to be there for you 😢

Possumzilla91 · 12/01/2026 09:09

Dietday · 10/01/2026 11:44

You must be absolutely desperate to be tolerating such a man-child loser.

This is who he is, a selfish waster.
You would want to be out of your mind to ever have a child with him.

Hope you feel better soon.
You are behaving like his mother.
How could you have sex with that?

Telling someone that they're pathetic and desperate for having a shit partner isn't going to help them leave. Jfc, what a horrible way to word this.

OP, you definitely deserve better than this.

LouiseD2018 · 12/01/2026 12:28

Wife of a gamer, definitely not normal, family and home first. A couple of hours max per night, not every night since we've had a family. Sounds like he's truly addicted, but if not willing to even try to reduce time spent gaming, I'm not sure its worth staying.

Neverends1 · 12/01/2026 13:26

I just want to offer some solidarity as my 'partner' is exactly the same. He has a room he games in and literally lives in there. Hes even put a mattress in there to sleep! Its basically me and the children ans him living with his xbox. He spends an hour with our son in the evening...gaming. He is also home all day whilst im in work and he refuses to do anything in the house.
If hes not on xbox, it's the phone. Constantly in his hand. He ignores me, doesn't listen to me. If we go anywhere, hes constantly on his phone.

Just like you, I've had times where I've been unwell and had surgery (c section) and he'd still sit on xbox whilst I struggled.

Its completely off putting and worse than dating a child. I dont think things will get better. I know I need to leave and it sounds like you do too.

skyeisthelimit · 12/01/2026 13:58

I am sorry, buy why on earth are you with him? He clearly isn't interest in a relationship or family life. If he wants to live like a teenager, let him, but on his own.

Kick him out and leave him to his gaming.

Abd80 · 12/01/2026 15:08

What you have here is a manchild.
Leave now. He’ll never change.

Abd80 · 12/01/2026 15:10

.

Redpeach · 12/01/2026 15:10

And doing it in bed whilst you're trying to sleep is awful

TheCurious0range · 12/01/2026 15:11

This isn't a gamer. It's a man child. DH built his gaming PC, he uses it maybe once a week for a couple of hours after DS is in bed and the house is straight and tidy and checks in with me first, eg is there anything you want to watch together? If I say no or I've got a book in reading , want to have a bath, am going out, he'll say in that case I might play my game for an hour or two. Some weeks he doesn't use it at all especially if he had plans that take him out without us, he wouldn't do that and game . That's a normal hobby and life balance.