To think some children are just wired to need / want screen time

[Gagamama2]

All my children’s childhood we have limited screen time. They are generally not allowed any on school weekdays (my partner put this in place years ago and gets angry if I relent). They are allowed it on Saturday and Sunday mornings, and holiday mornings, although partner is always unhappy about this and would like to restrict furthur.

Kids are 10, 8 and 6.

It often causes a lot of grief / anger / upset for 10 and 6 who are both boys undergoing assessment for adhd. They often get upset after school that they aren’t allowed any, and when they are allowed they find it hard to come off. This means they regularly have much too much screen time at the weekend as the fall out of them having to come off the screens is big.

My daughter who is 8 is different. She will happily choose other things to do, even if it is a screen time “time”. What prompted my post is that she has spent this morning reading a graphic novel about dragons, and is now singing along at top volume to the greatest showman soundtrack on Alexa, all of her own accord while her brothers are on screens. She just isn’t that bothered. I was the same compared to my brother who spent most of his childhood playing on either our Amiga or his best friends Amiga 😂.

my brother is now a functional adult - much more functional than me, in fact. He has a very good job, although I do look at him sometimes and wonder if he is ND. My point is the screen time didn’t hold him back.

are we unreasonable limiting children’s screen times (as long as it’s not impacting on school work and friendships etc)? Maybe it’s not actually helpful for some children

No, it’s a learned behaviour, and not just kids.

No, because screens aren't a natural phenonemon.

We are wired for dopamine and some people's brains struggle with it more. Screens are an easy way to get a dopamine hit.

No, because the human brain hasn't suddenly changed since the invention of TV/devices.

Some people like watching stuff on screens more than others, but that's preference, not wiring.Before the invention of television they would have found something else to do instead.

It’s likely to be dopamine seeking behaviour particularly if they are on the pathway for an ADHD diagnosis. I guess the issue is that those dopamine seeking behaviours should be found in healthy not unhealthy habits. Adults with ADHD are more likely to have drug/alcohol addictions because they seek out the dopamine highs, not suggesting screens are anything like this but I guess giving them to opportunity to get those dopamine hits through sports or other positive habits (not suggesting you don’t also do this)

But why then is my daughter so different from my boys? And I was so different from my brother? It’s affect was almost opposite what you would expect when you look at me and my brother from a long term perspective

In my experience, its not screen time or no screen time... its whats actually on it.

We banned YouTube because my DS became obsessive over it. Just wanted to flick through crap, got super angry when his time was up.

Since its gone he will come off the screen fine when times up and doesnt nag nearly as much as before.

No.

Totally agree OP. My NT kids will turn it off and engage in various other things and play. Whereas my ASD child finds it really hard to know what to do. It’s also the main way he is able to play with friends since he finds face to face really hard. I do think it’s a ND feature - which is why there are charities like Spectrum Gaming popping up to support Nd children to have positive screen time.

Oh and my kids had zero screen time until they started school. So definitely wasn’t due to lax parenting. If anything I was at the strict end. But I am now very much more relaxed about video games (no access to the internet unsupervised).

I think it’s completely reasonable to put limits around screen time.

However, my question would be what do you/your partner do when the kids want screen time but aren’t allowed it? Kids with ADHD often have very poor executive functioning skills and are no way near as good as their peers at entertaining themselves. Simply ‘getting angry’ like you say your partner does is useless. You likely need to facilitate more ways for them to relax/play than your neurotypical daughter. Basically, I think limiting screens is a good thing, but with kids with ADHD you need to be prepared to put in more hard work to do it.

Wired to want or need screen time specifically implies desire for screens is a natural human behaviour / instinct, which it isn't.

It can be addictive though and it gives a dopamine hit.

So yes, we are wired to enjoy and crave dopamine hits and screen time is one of the things that provides that

You know that 50 years ago these things didn’t even exist? Children were ‘wired’ the same 50 years ago. Of course they don’t need screen time. What is learned behaviour is that kicking up a fuss gets them more of what they want.

Of course its a learned behaviour. What did children do in the thousands of years before all this was invented.

What if I told you that some children are wired to need/want hologram time?

Some children are different and need to engage with the "holospace". I've just made up that technology, no idea what it does, but you hopefully get my point. No child is born to need technology. It's just that the tech can appeal to some kids more than others.

I have ADHD and am old. When I was young many of us (now obviously ND) kids read books or wrote stories in which we became as completely immersed as you can in a TV show.

They don't need screens; they want them. If the Internet disappeared tomorrow your kids would survive (and probably be happier!).

Rather a lot of children were brought up before screens - so clearly not wired in!

Just different personalities.

I’ve voted the wrong way because voted before reading the actual bit where you asked if you were being unreasonable. You are unreasonable to think gaming is a wired in need. Gaming didn’t exist much before the 80s. It is NOT unreasonable to restrict screen time. Children with ADHD tend to find it very difficult to regulate their time doing anything, never mind games that are designed to be addictive. Gaming activates the dopamine reward centres of the brain so is even more addictive for those with ADHD and our constant dopamine seeking behaviours. My ADHD and ASD son is not allowed screen time if he unable to come off when his time is up. Any getting angry or annoyed means no screen time for a week. Too much screen time negatively impacts his behaviour so it’s a fine line I tread to manage his Lego Fortnite special interest and his need to not have too much screen time.
You need to understand how ADHD and gaming interact with each other and the impact on the brain. I am influenced by gaming ruining my son’s dad’s first marriage plus his relationship with me due to his gaming addiction. Gaming was instrumental in my own marriage breakdown too. XBOX widows are a reality.

My brother was very much into screentime as a kid and I'd rarely see him. He has turned into a fully functional adult who holds a masters and is a teacher. However it turns out he has ADHD which was diagnosed as an adult. So screentime may have been his dopamine hit. I don't remember him having meltdowns about coming off devices but looking back there was some kind of addiction there.

Some kids find it more difficult to disengage from screens once they are hooked in. That doesn't mean it's good for them or likely to leave them feeling better. They just need more support in managing the transition.

No, the content is designed to be addictive.

No children are wired to ‘need’ it, but once it’s an option then obviously some children will enjoy it more than others.

I don’t think you can compare your brothers experience with an Amiga with today’s children’s experiences on iPads.

One of the things that is so damaging for children today is that everything on the screen provides instant gratification. We had to wait bloody ages for Amigas to load, and in between every level. You also had to persevere quite a bit to move up the levels. It was nothing like the overstimulation children get on screens today.

I think what is happening here is your children know to try and kick up a stink if they don’t get what they want. Of course they don’t need screen time. They would survive if it didn’t exist.

Wiring implies you are powerless and is a parenting cop out. If you don't t agree with your DH, have an adult conversation, but the tantrums at coming off screens is something in his favour.

It could be a question of initiative, can you do more to inspire, entertain and distract your son's rather than focusing on something they can't do? Do they get enough exercise?

Different personalities.

People on here will be "oh we never restricted screens and my child will put a tablet down after ten minutes and go and weave lentils. So you shouldn't restrict them as my children are perfect, so yours will be too" .. you see it everywhere... Perfect parents to perfect children.

Completely ignoring the fact that everyone is different,and maybe the child next door who had the same set of circumstances will not be able to self regulate...