To think some children are just wired to need / want screen time

[Gagamama2]

All my children’s childhood we have limited screen time. They are generally not allowed any on school weekdays (my partner put this in place years ago and gets angry if I relent). They are allowed it on Saturday and Sunday mornings, and holiday mornings, although partner is always unhappy about this and would like to restrict furthur.

Kids are 10, 8 and 6.

It often causes a lot of grief / anger / upset for 10 and 6 who are both boys undergoing assessment for adhd. They often get upset after school that they aren’t allowed any, and when they are allowed they find it hard to come off. This means they regularly have much too much screen time at the weekend as the fall out of them having to come off the screens is big.

My daughter who is 8 is different. She will happily choose other things to do, even if it is a screen time “time”. What prompted my post is that she has spent this morning reading a graphic novel about dragons, and is now singing along at top volume to the greatest showman soundtrack on Alexa, all of her own accord while her brothers are on screens. She just isn’t that bothered. I was the same compared to my brother who spent most of his childhood playing on either our Amiga or his best friends Amiga 😂.

my brother is now a functional adult - much more functional than me, in fact. He has a very good job, although I do look at him sometimes and wonder if he is ND. My point is the screen time didn’t hold him back.

are we unreasonable limiting children’s screen times (as long as it’s not impacting on school work and friendships etc)? Maybe it’s not actually helpful for some children

I think people are being pedantic in saying screens didn't exist years ago and that's not what PP means. There will be children / people who are more passive or less outgoing or extroverted or less physically active have other traits (I am not necessarily picking the relevant ones) which lead them to be more likely to sit and watch tv rather than do other things. I could sit and watch tv for hours but have a full time job and young children so that's not possible. I'm ND and think it helps me decompress after working or socialising (which drains me). I think some children are the same and others are not.

I sort of agree with you. I do think some kids find it hard to keep busy without the screen. But having said that, I wouldn't pander to it, as much as possible. My 4 year old would like more screen time. I try my hardest not to give it. I do give in when I need to get on with housework or make dinner, or make phone calls, etc. He plays really well one-to-one, but he struggles to play alone. As soon as I need to get up and do something, he won't play. I guess this is something that comes with age.
It is worth pointing out I think, that my DH is ND, so you may be onto something there. My son doesn't really show any signs, but I wonder if there is a very mild form there, as it's usually genetic.

I think boys are more entranced than girls by screens due to their brains preferring spatial movement and sensory stimulations where girls are often happy with creative crafts and pretend play. Hence why even though girls and boys like video games you only really ever see teen boys getting addicted to them.

Obviously parts of this could be socialisation too but it’s just something I’ve noticed.

My DC did have an iPad, WII and PS, I didn't restrict access for time spent on it, obviously content but they didn't choose to go on it they'd rather play with toys or outside at the park/beach. I think the OP may have a point about some children's propensity for screens as some of their friends were definitely addicted and this was 2010s so not as much publicity about non digital childhoods.

I did read loads with my DC and we did mini plays etc as they always loved a storyline so they would apply that too their toys that were figures and buildings or treehouses in the case of DD who loved Peter Rabbit. We even made her a woodland scene on a wooden board with fake grass and a stone pathway.

of course not. it’s easier yes but it’s not a natural thing we need. YABU

that's my age bracket too.

its nothing like the same!

yes all of those things & more were the main 'thing' at one time or another, but nowhere near as exclusively. Not even the hand held consoles (single game).

nor were things like bike riding, playing out, skipping, swimming excluded, they were as well as reading & Lego.

screentime US the issue because it's a mindless dopamine hit, a huge dopamine hit with no effort & there's NO incentive to get a dopamine hit in other ways. It's doesn't offer anything like reading, Lego, hitting a tennis ball did.

Personally lived on moving things (bike, roller skates, skateboard, if not up a tree or swimming & never once did I end up in A&E ' I'd much rather kids had the same upbringing than sat on screens in case they grazed their knees

It's also a case of letting them get bored & them then finding a ay ti amuse themselves & they will.

when I was older than your DS if I ever complained of being bored my Dad would say I could always do xyz (boring job) if I was just going to whinge about being bored!

make it a rule not to 'give in' to screen time & it'll help stop the pestering. If he knows he'll win, you're making it harder on yourself. No means NO. He will play with his toys or look at a book etc, we are wired to amuse ourselves.

NRTFT but as a child we didn’t have a tv in the home until I was about 6 years old and it was black and white with limited times - ie not 24/7 like now. Children’s tv was perhaps a couple of bites a week. The tv frequently stopped working as they were pretty unreliable in the 60’s.
Now, as an adult, I love watching tv (and being in mumsnet), I could happily watch tv most of my waking hours.
This can’t be because I’m hard wired to like it.

Although I do seem to have lost the ability to type and/or spell correctly.

Ditto. I was born when it was just two channels - we also had no TV until the mid Sixties. I would still rather read books than watch TV.

You didn't do three books a day and knacker the entire budget for the summer by halfway through the last week of July, then? Or read all night because you literally couldn't stop to sleep, not because it was particularly good but because you were wide awake and couldn't stop as long as there was another page?

I know I did. And I'm pretty sure the neighbours weren't particularly enthusiastic about the tennis ball starting at 7am and continuing until 9pm.

No ,it's a learned behaviour. Kids,or indeed anyone, didn't desire screen time before mobile phones were a thing.

Came on to say exactly the same thing.

I've never limited it so as not to turn it into some forbidden exciting thing.
It means they chose to do other things themselves and there are no meltdowns at times when I do have to ask them to stop. An abundance of something leads to that thing becoming boring which is definitely what has happened in our house. Maybe I am lucky though - I know I'll get replies to this saying "My child wouldn't ever stop if I let them" but I'm guessing it's because they've never been given a real chance to get bored of it.

Sometimes, but as well as having a lot of my own books as presents, we went to the library a lot! 3 books a day? I don't remember exactly (the book was important to me,not how many and is irrelevant).

I read a lot, was often told by the old couple who looked after us in the school holidays to go outside & play. so I'd roller skate & take my book & sit on the grass verge & read. Read with a torch under the covers after lights out.

im bloody sure, though it may feel like it now, you did not hit a tennis ball against a wall from 7am to 9 pm

No idea what you're on about the budget? We didn't bloody have one! We played with our toys, read our books and yes sometimes we'd go to the swimming baths or when I was older the roller rink. But only very occasionally. What point were you trying to make?

my point is I had things I loved. But they all involved using my brain or my body or both, not getting a huge dopamine hit just sitting there watching a screen.

One of my Goddaughters had unrestricted access to her (online) iPad, but she could take it or leave it, really didn't use it, but later when she got her bloody phone, she was never off it! Friends I guess.

Nope. My child was given unlimited access to an iPad at 4, in. An effort to make it "just another toy" within weeks all she wanted to do was iPad, above other previous favourite activities. Dre the line when she refused to see her granny (her most favourite person aside from me and dad) and when I said it was time to go and see granny, and went to take the iPad, she screamed, shouted she wanted to go on the iPad and tried to hit me....

She was only allowed in cbeebies and a colouring in game....

So yea...no it's not your perfect parenting I'm afraid.

I'm not talking about online in general, my DD is 7 so imo far to young to be 'online' and discovering manga etc. maybe when she's a teen. That can also be done on.computers, not necessarily tablets.

TV is better than tablets for young children because of the addictive nature, being able to choose, constantly advertised too, parents unaware of content, chopping and changing videos, etc. Tv also isn't so close to your face or available anywhere you go

Children aren’t wired to want screen time.

Screen time is wired to be addictive to children (and adolescents and lastly adults).

Some children can entertain themselves, and in different ways. Others prefer passive entertainment.

Mine are ND and we (usually!) impose limits and try to lean towards educational stuff rather than Youtube crap. We don't always get it right but we do try! I am mindful that ND minds are more prone to dopamine seeking.

I can guarantee if tablets were a thing in the 80's/90's the boomers would have handed them out like sweets.

I do in my case I never took my head out of the book it was escapism. My DS who has Asperger’s and wants to know everything uses a computer.Never had a tantrum in his life.

My 9 and 7 year old both have ADHD, my 9 year old in particular just cannot amuse himself without support from us. He has plenty of other interests - he plays the drums, loves to draw, read, play on his skateboard etc. however it takes a lot for him to be able to turn off the tv and go and do one of the other activities. Once we say enough tv time he will complain he is bored, we often have to sit with him and start the activity and he will then get interested but he is definitely more drawn to a screen.
My 7 and 4 year old will play together, they play imaginative games and when I turn off the tv they are less bothered. I do think for some kids they are just much more easily addicted!

My kids have limited screen time. However, your partner should not be getting ‘angry’ with you. Is he helping to look after them while they’re bored after school or are you the one trying to cook dinner on your own while they’re unoccupied