DH to pay off mortgage then stop house bill contributions

[Luannaa]

DH will take early retirement at the end of the year from a job he has worked very very hard in and made a huge difference to people’s lives and it has also taken its toll on him with things he has had to witness- hence earlier retirement.

This will give him enough money to pay off our joint mortgage which he wants to do so we can be mortgage free. I am extremely grateful for this as it’s huge security for the future and our dc.

However DH then doesn’t want to go into any work for at least a year, for his hobbies his small pension will see him through but this means he cannot pay anything towards the weekly/ monthly bills.

As it stands we combine £1k per month for all joint and household bills, one of these being the £900 mortgage.
With that gone, technically he doesn’t need to contribute any more as he has paid his bit but I feel a bit miffed to carry on working 40+ hours a week and sometimes overtime while he has no job, no bills to pay and just enjoys his hobbies (they are free/ low cost).

AIBU?

Please share your opinions and be honest as I want to get this right for us both.

Does it not depend on the type of mortgage if it’s a repayment type mortgage he can over pay but also it saves you fees of FAs etc every few years…
would you have the option to downsize say in 10 years time also he will probably get state pension in a few years time

I guess the big questions are:

1. When was the mortgage due to end?
2. Despite paying off the mortgage early, thereby reducing the £2000 monthly outgoings by £900, why isn't he still paying the outstanding £100 per month towards bills?
3. If the mortgage was due to end in 5 years, will he then switch to paying 50% of bills at that point in time? Is his pension large enough to cover that £1000 per month?

I don't think he's being at all unreasonable, so long as there's a definite plan for him to resume 50:50 contributions at the end of the mortgage term.

If he kept working and kept paying £1000, you would still need to keep working full-time, so nothing has actually changed for you. It seems like jealousy and a sense of entitlement that you shouldn't have to work if he doesn't.

@whatisheupto's suggestion is an excellent one. Cards on the table.

My only concern prior to this is that the OP's DH did not have a plan in the first place.

I have voted NBU, your husband is well below retirement age and with school aged children cannot afford to retire and contribute nothing imo. My DH is giving up work in a few months aged 59 having paid the mortgage off a year or so ago. However our bills are enormous, food, energy, council tax, 2 cars and we have 3 school aged children. I think the whole thing is ridiculous but he seems to believe he has enough savings/pension pots to keep paying the bills as he did before. In your situation I would be extremely annoyed that your children will potentially be denied opportunities as a result of your DH not earning anything. The division of bills in our household has me funding the children's activities so they won't be affected.

Is he a stereotypical man who sees your role and his role completely separate? No doubt his job has been all consuming etc but it sounds like you and your children (his family) are separate entities and you're responsible for everything that he doesn't want. You must have had to make sacrifices to enable him to focus on work alone - where is the 'togetherness' in all this?

I don’t think it would be fair. Yes the mortgage is gone but as pp have pointed out, he couldn’t afford this is he lived alone so it’s not just his decision to make. If he could afford to still pay half the bills then fine - but he can’t/ won’t.

My H suggested similar (although the mortgage will be paid off shortly so it’s not coming from his pension or lump sum). I’ve made it clear he always has to find half the bills. His half will of course be a lot smaller one were mortgage free, but I’m not taking over the full financial load. I’ve always worked and used to earn more plus had the more flexible job so did the vast majority of childcare and the housework. No way is he lazing about and not contributing.

Id be clear op that you don’t agree to this arrangement. But if he insists, I’d let him pay it off and then divorce him. He can then sort himself out with half the equity and no job or income.

he pays off the mortgage, in one year he does not work to work. You got 50 % equity.

It sounds fair enough to me. If each contribute £1000 a month with the mortgage, without the mortgage, DH has paid his share already and OP is paying the same she always did, so no change for her. The family will be better off saving thousands in interest.

It shouldn't matter where the money comes from (well within legitimate/moral sources of course) as long as each contributes their share, which DH has done in advance. How many years were left on the mortgage? If it was several years, he has paid his share for several years now!

However. With him having more spare time, it does only seem fair that he picks up more of the domestic chore load.

You ANBU. I am a few years older than my DH, so was always going to be finishing work earlier. I however stopped working sooner than I planned (late 50s) after a period of illness. I inherited some money from my parents, so I paid off our mortgage as well as outstanding car loans for us both. I use my savings to pay for Christmas presents, holidays etc, and if there's any shortfall on expenses each month. I also do basically all of the housework, washing, ironing, shopping and cooking, as well as the gardening. Our DC are adults and at uni, so no childcare. I know DH definitely resents the fact that I am not working on occasion, as I can go and do things spontaneously etc. But he can't say anything because I'm not living off his income without making any financial contribution, and he doesn't have to do anything at home.
If your DH wants to not work he needs to make up for that in other ways and do the school run etc and use at least some of his pension towards household bills.

So you're basically writing a post about paying £100 extra per month for a year while he takes some time out? If its the job I'm thinking of then a year off would be beneficial. Its just a year while he decides what to do next.

OP. It sounds like DH became unwell/burnt out and chose to take early retirement. Some services enable this at 55. Was he on sick leave before retiring? Did he retire on health grounds? Both would have given him either some time away from work and/or more pension. Either way he stills needs to financially plan how he is going to live for the next few decades. If he has qualified to retire early I suspect that the pension is not that small or he has sacrificed it for a larger lump sum? Hopefully he got some financial advice on this. Did you have time at home whilst he worked? Have you sacrificed your career/pension to support his career? What surprises me from these responses is the view of his and her money. I’ve been married 35 years, always with a joint bank account and any money is joint. I don’t get the point of his financial contribution excuses him from paying any bills for the next year. That money has reduced your joint financial liabilities but you are both jointly responsible for paying the remainder. If I was you OP I would be annoyed at this presumption by him. Yes, you could agree a short period of support BUT he will need to pull his weight at home and pick up work to pay his share within the year.

Are these numbers right? You put in 1000 between you and the mortgage is 900 of that? How do you live on 100? Looking at the first few responses I think some responders have misunderstood. You seem to be saying he's not going to contribute anything in terms of ongoing cash flow. I'd be very upset about that, unless he's taking all the household brain strain off you, like a sahm. Even then I think it needs to be a joint decision. "His" pension may be paying off the mortgage but your efforts will have enabled him to accumulate that pension. No married person is a solo traveller through life!

You sound jealous tbh. Fair enough.
But realistically he's 7 years older than you and at Ur age he WAS slogging it out to get to the point he's at today. He didn't get to retire at 48.
Anyway that's all I see in the posts.
Id tread carefully if I was you and let him rest without getting an earful of resentment from u. Nothing financially has changed for you so just be nice to him and happy for him. That will be best for you both in long run.

If he doesn't want to look after the kids while you're at work then he can pay for the childcare. It's ridiculous to expect you to pay for it while he's at home.

Are you the DH?

Try reading the OP's posts.

I’d be saying sure take early retirement but these are annual expenses as they stand (including holiday and luxuries) and he has to contribute half; and also he has to do holiday childcare

He's too precious to clean toilets and too much of a shit dad to care for his own children. Did you miss that bit?

I think plenty of work and contribute now. For what it's worth my partner and I never had kids and we both work full time and share costs.

The crucial points is that this man chose to have kids a bit later in life and still has kids in primary school to be responsible for except he's passed that entire financial responsibility along with every other financial responsibility onto the OP, as some who was made redundant in recent years, I strongly advise couples to be in a position where they both work! If anything happens regarding the OPs job and income, they will be screwed. And I know what the jobs market is like these days and it's not kind to people over 50 and that will be even less of the case if he sits around having a year off. He doesn't want to assume he can just walk into a job whejnge decides.pnr especially as he clearly won't want to go back to what he's retired from and people don't like taking people on who aren't skilled and experienced in a role.

Years ago some men & women could retire at 55 or even 50 and have enough pension to last the rest of their lives, that's when normal retirement ages were 65 for men and 60 for women.

I’m the high earner in my household and pay considerably more than 20% of the household costs.

If my DH decided he wanted to stop working and stay at home you’re damn right he’d be doing the lions share of the household chores.

(and in fact he did when he couldn’t go to work during lockdown and I still worked).

This thread is infuriating, people need to learn to use the filter feature and READ ALL THE OPS POSTS FFS!

There are three of them. Ive read them. Dh paid mortgage which was 900 a month. They each contributed 1k a month. This means op needs to pay 1100 a month now, 100 extra. What am I missing?

Yes, but that’s not the situation OP and her husband are in so not really relevant.

He wants to be a househuband ergo not going back to work after 1yr backed up by his at least 1yr off comment

He can't spend more than 4hrs with his kids, wont do school runs, wont clean the bathroom....