DH to pay off mortgage then stop house bill contributions

[Luannaa]

DH will take early retirement at the end of the year from a job he has worked very very hard in and made a huge difference to people’s lives and it has also taken its toll on him with things he has had to witness- hence earlier retirement.

This will give him enough money to pay off our joint mortgage which he wants to do so we can be mortgage free. I am extremely grateful for this as it’s huge security for the future and our dc.

However DH then doesn’t want to go into any work for at least a year, for his hobbies his small pension will see him through but this means he cannot pay anything towards the weekly/ monthly bills.

As it stands we combine £1k per month for all joint and household bills, one of these being the £900 mortgage.
With that gone, technically he doesn’t need to contribute any more as he has paid his bit but I feel a bit miffed to carry on working 40+ hours a week and sometimes overtime while he has no job, no bills to pay and just enjoys his hobbies (they are free/ low cost).

AIBU?

Please share your opinions and be honest as I want to get this right for us both.

Are you in England or elsewhere? Never heard of yearly taxes on a mortgage applying here.

It’s a year and he has paid off your mortgage!! I think YABU.

What he has done is taken I assume an early retirement type deal and the pay off pays off the mortgage but nothing else

he cannot afford to live having paid the mortgage off and actually needs the OP

I’m sorry op why would you be carrying on the childcare stuff and taking a/l when he’s at home? just because this is what used to happen it shouldn’t any longer once he’s at home you will be 100.00 worse off a month you shouldn’t need additional clubs etc when dad is home so I think you need a chat about the kids and how he will have to do a lot more if he is at home. Op your not thinking straight you need to take a breath and tell him straight if you work ft to keep paying everything else he steps up as a dad.

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No she can’t unfortunately, as she has to pay for everything other than the paid off mortgage. She pays for the bills, cleaner, food, holidays, anything that needs fixing. Luckily me and my sister are adults so she doesn’t have young kids to deal with like OP does. But I can see the difference in their relationship and can tell she very much resents my dad.

USA. We have county taxes (assessments) based on the home's value. Since it is county, not sure about elsewhere. County is below state, above municipal in the political hierarchy.it was a few thousand dollars last year, which could make a big difference in a tight budget.

Let him pay the mortgage off and divorce him. He needs to contribute to living costs for him and the kids in my opinion.

part time would be the compromise, lots of free time but a bit of family pocket money too for holidays.

I would be happy for him to step back from a stressful job but needs to do his share at home and with the kids.

Hopefully a happy less stressed partner is best for the whole family.

Bigger issues if you don't trust him to go back afyer a year.

My parents did and DF was a house husband for a few years. He's back at work now and DM is at home.

Don't expect you to share an exact figure but what sort of ballpark is the remainder of the mortgage? £10k, £100k, £200k?! And over what term? Think that is important to understand to advise you as if it's relatively small or you would have paid it off in a year or so anyway, it's less of a big deal than if he's cleared £100k and saved you thousands in interest.

I can definitely see where you're coming from, as technically you're not going to feel the benefit of it being paid off for at least a year as you'll still be contributing the same each month and you'll be cutting out some luxuries.

You need to be clear what your expectations are when his 'gap year' is over! Such as, he'll get another job earning at least X so he can contribute Y from 31st January 2027 or whatever.

I'd also question whether a whole year off is wise in terms of his motivation to return to work and how employers might perceive a long break - why not just take the summer? Make the best of the decent bike riding weather if that's his hobby then get a job that will start when the kids go back to school in September.

Ah I felt angry ready the bits of your post where you listed the things he wouldn't do (sounds like he won't clean the bathrooms, do the school run or more than 4 hours solo childcare) I wanted to say that's BS just say he has to pick up more slack - but sadly I can relate!

Could you use that in the negotiation though, in terms of he gets 6-12 months off to chill, then when he starts working and contributing to the ongoing financial costs again you can drop your hours to whatever is affordable/desirable for you? Work a 4 day week and take a day off together (if you like spending child-free time together!).

Ah OK, different system here. No yearly taxes on paying off a mortgage, thankfully.

He can do others things maybe get the food
shopping/cook/look after kids

If it's just for a year, I think that's OK, so he can destress, but longer wouldn't be OK iIMO. His pension isn't his money, it's a joint asset.

Can you reduce your hours too with no mortgage? I'd look at your options now too if I were you.

It does sound like paying off the mortgage is for the best though longer term.

Check the OP's update. He won't do school runs and gets stressed looking after the children.

Fucking lazy glipe.

I originally voted YABU but after reading your updates, I changed my vote. I suspect many YABU voters haven't read any more of the thread. Because he is obviously being completely unreasonable. Great to pay the mortgage off, but there are still bills to pay and he needs to pay his share. OR you agree that you pay for everything but he does the lion's share of looking after kids, cleaning, shopping, cooking etc. He doesn't get to not pay for anything and also not do any parenting or housework.

In any other situation he would be paying for bills. Now he's in a position where you can be mortgage free so he only needs to find £550 a month as opposed to £1000. He could do that with a part time job.

Presumably he’s got quite a good DB pension, he’ll have to have, to have accrued a large lump sum. So how much does he get per month and why isn’t he using that to also contribute to the household income?

Yeah right 👿. Are you the husband?

OP has already said his pension is very small and he’ll be using it to fund his hobby.

In the UK we have a local property tax that we call Council Tax. But it's never rolled up with mortgage payments.

Surely if he’s not working he will take over the responsibility for childcare, school runs etc?

Read the OP's posts. He doesn't like school runs and gets stressed looking after the children.

@echt I don’t like cooking the dinner. I still do it.

Quite.

Yes, but it seems he’s made it clear to OP that he won’t be doing it - sounds like he sees himself “retiring” from all his obligations, not just work / financial.

Hmm. Actually she said that HE says his pension is very small.
But it can't be that small if he can pay off what is probably a 6 figure mortgage (must be if payments are £900 a month) by taking his 25% drawdown.
He must still have several hundred a month income. And I'd like to know what savings he has too. There's no way he can't afford to contribute more.