DH to pay off mortgage then stop house bill contributions

[Luannaa]

DH will take early retirement at the end of the year from a job he has worked very very hard in and made a huge difference to people’s lives and it has also taken its toll on him with things he has had to witness- hence earlier retirement.

This will give him enough money to pay off our joint mortgage which he wants to do so we can be mortgage free. I am extremely grateful for this as it’s huge security for the future and our dc.

However DH then doesn’t want to go into any work for at least a year, for his hobbies his small pension will see him through but this means he cannot pay anything towards the weekly/ monthly bills.

As it stands we combine £1k per month for all joint and household bills, one of these being the £900 mortgage.
With that gone, technically he doesn’t need to contribute any more as he has paid his bit but I feel a bit miffed to carry on working 40+ hours a week and sometimes overtime while he has no job, no bills to pay and just enjoys his hobbies (they are free/ low cost).

AIBU?

Please share your opinions and be honest as I want to get this right for us both.

How much is left on the mortgage out of interest and what interest rate are you paying? Will you have to pay a fee for paying the mortgage off early? How are you both going to adjust for inflation? Bills are increasing all the time so 1k set aside from bills today might require 1.5k in a years time. What happens if the house roof needs repairing or the washing machine breaks down, who is paying for that? Who pays for the insurances, the car payments, the food bill?

You need to sit down before you talk to him and have spreadsheets and forecasts. He is living in cloud cuckoo land abd he needs a rude wake up call I’m afraid. You have small children. Those children will need clothes, and extra curriculars, food, holiday clubs, school trips, driving lessons, uni fees etc etc etc. if you were childless my reply would be totally different but he still has responsibilities.

Stop pussy footing around him and acting like you’re grateful for his service. He can have plenty of downtime whilst still working part time. The man has a good decade worth of working still available to him. My mother quit work at 70! Alternatively say it doesn’t work for you and suggest divorce, that would definitely get his attention.

Nope. He’s paying off the mortgage and that’s all. There is no back up plan. OP is responsible for every single aspect of their finances until he goes back to work. What happens if she’s ill ? What happens if she loses her job ? What happens about unexpected expenses, their kids expenses, household emergencies ?

Pissing themselves in their 70s. Seriously !!

He may have had a useful and stressful job but he chose it and, I bet, is quite proud of his career. And you helped by working too and doing the bulk of childcare and housework. Does he do any jobs which neither of you like - you obviously do quite a few that he has opted out of? Great he will pay off the mortgage but what happens in 7 years time when you're 55? He should be making plans so that you can retire then, with an equally good pension arrangement.

I think if they have kids still in primary school he’s deluded to think he can afford to retire or even take a year off. It impacts op massively. It’s selfish.

Does it make sense for him to pay off the mortgage? Will you incur a penalty fee?
In general, I'd say the same as some previous posters... seems ok to me, though I'd be expecting him to do more around the house. I'd be worried about it longer term if he didn't return to work though - will your contributions eventually outweigh his, and you're left working for a long time (or forever) whilst he continues to have a nice retirement?

He’s paying off the mortgage I don’t see the issue with this at all. He’s older than you too. As long as he does his fair share around the house while you’re working I hope he enjoys his time off!

@Rosscameasdoody - well sorry to say my pelvic floor and joints are not gonna hold out great into my 70s - I shall be retiring earlier while in good health to travel

Im glad you found my comment helpful 😛

Agreed but current plan seems to be he is retiring with no intention of seeking part time/ less stress job so I think that least he could be doing is helping more with DC, housework etc

This absolutely. Both take the best advice offered. Don't enter into discussions informally when neither of you are well informed.

He's not retired!!! He's chosen to be unemployed.

Exactly this, the jobs market is unforgiving right to people over 50 and he needs to realise this when he gets bored of sitting around and the winters are long a and depressing to him or if something happens to the OP or her job! They still got kids at home to pay for, what is his plan to earn if the shit hits the fan. I don't how long being out of work will be fun for him if a lot of his mates are still working for the foreseeable future. I couldn't sit around in the UK all winter that's for sure! Also has he thought about paying for his own existence for the next potentially 40 odd years if he gives up working now! He shouldn't really be doing this until the kids have grown up and left because as said they have to pray nothing goes wrong that ends the OPs job or they are all screwed!

What will happen if he doesn’t want to go back to work after the year

? I think you have me confused with another poster.

OP will be left footing the bill for everything. There is no coherent plan here. Nothing planned for emergencies or even unforeseen circumstances. They also have children in primary school. The only person this is benefiting is DH. I’d be running a mile. If DH wants to effectively retire, let him do it as a single man and see how far he gets.

OP you need to understand the finances better. Have you seen his annual pension benefit statement? I assume he has a DB public sector pension.

If 25% lump sum pays off the mortgage outstanding he will still receive 75% monthly pension income. As an example STBEX took partial retirement. He took 120,000 lump sum but still had a £23,000 a year pension. This is because you can only take 25% tax free. Public sector pensions don’t have a ‘pot’ as such but this was based on a CETV of £500k plus.

Either your DH has a good enough pension to pay off £100,000 plus mortgage with 25% lump sum whilst still having enough pension income to contribute to monthly bills or he is planning to take more than 25%. Either he is lying to you about pension income or he is planning to take more than 25%. This will be taxed. The lump sum after 25% tax free allowance will be reduced by taxation. Especially if your DH has already received taxable income in the tax year the lump sum is paid.

Worst case your DH is taxed at 40% on some of the lump sum. So for each 100k he surrenders he (and your family) get 60k. Plus monthly pension is reduced. Are you OK with this? Because whilst you have family finances it will impact on you. Both in the short term and the longer term.

I think you are focusing too much on grievances about day to day living (which are relevant) and missing the bigger financial picture.

What we don’t know though is how well this has been thought through.

Leaving a pot invested may yield bigger returns longer term. It may not save much in interest to pay early.

Is there a capital amount to pay for emergencies like a new roof - what planning has actually been done.

There is a lot to be said for paying more of early re peace of mind the asset is owned- but money is all tied up now in that asset.

Like I said it seems more planning was needed- and a joint plan

I think you both should consult a financial advisor and lay out all the different scenarios to help future proof this decision.

Then there’s separate discussion on how to fairly split the household chores and childcare if DH doesn’t go back to work. You might need a mediator for this but if you don’t think you can discuss it fairly on your own.

It’s possible that as the kids get a bit older your DH will be better at managing stuff like the school run and childcare.

Point out to him that retiring from the job doesn’t mean retiring from the marriage and the family and hopefully he still wants to contribute fully to that side of life.

wow. shdnt household money be to benefit both of you and not just him? hes getting a pot and using it for his sole benefit, its very selfish, tho he will try to convince you otherwise. tell him u want to quit and sit with yr feet up like him too! the kids are both of yours, he doesnt get to pick and choose when theyre in his life. if you go ahead with everything hes suggested i give you guys a year tbh .....

Can you imagine if you were a man

And said in your post "my wife gets stressed and moody when she looks after the kids for more than a few hours so I can't ask her (even though she'll be a SAHM ) It's crazy!

It's fair for him to do all housework and school runs when he's a SAHD.

It fair that you also get to retire at 55.

How much mortgage will he pay off? It fair that once your contributions to bills has equalled the lump sum. You both start contributing equally again.

This 100%
More planning

I totally get this and where you are coming from, me and DH were in a similar position and I resented it big time. But now I prefer him not working, we haven’t young kids now, but the little things like making the brews in the morning, taking the shopping in, hoovering, little things that actually mean a lot and support my working life, makes this work for us, I love it , good luck x

A lot Men are put in that predicament ALL THE TIME!

partners have babies then quit their jobs to be at home. The only difference is that they don’t pay off the mortgage in a lump sum and lower the expenses by £1000 a month!. They also don’t contribute financially to the running of the house hold for 5/6 years!!

He can do what she would do as a stay at home mom!

Well yeah but he is contributing as he pays the mortgage that would presumably still going on for quite sometime if he didn’t?

I understand the « I still work and he doesn’t » but if he is older…he naturally would still get to retirement before you do?

How is he with housework? If you do work full time maybe you can arrange for him to do a few extras?

That is very true but women do work at home…they are just not paid for it.
so it is the same IF he does housework and family care…which isn’t retirement really but what women look at when they do retire from their paid job anyway!😂

But she’s not is she ? She’s always worked and there was no mutual plan for anyone to retire early and leave the bulk of the living expenses to the other partner. Women don’t have kids, go back to work and then unilaterally decide to retire early when their kids are primary school age and the other partner will be left with the financial responsibility. It’s absolutely not the same thing.