DH to pay off mortgage then stop house bill contributions

[Luannaa]

DH will take early retirement at the end of the year from a job he has worked very very hard in and made a huge difference to people’s lives and it has also taken its toll on him with things he has had to witness- hence earlier retirement.

This will give him enough money to pay off our joint mortgage which he wants to do so we can be mortgage free. I am extremely grateful for this as it’s huge security for the future and our dc.

However DH then doesn’t want to go into any work for at least a year, for his hobbies his small pension will see him through but this means he cannot pay anything towards the weekly/ monthly bills.

As it stands we combine £1k per month for all joint and household bills, one of these being the £900 mortgage.
With that gone, technically he doesn’t need to contribute any more as he has paid his bit but I feel a bit miffed to carry on working 40+ hours a week and sometimes overtime while he has no job, no bills to pay and just enjoys his hobbies (they are free/ low cost).

AIBU?

Please share your opinions and be honest as I want to get this right for us both.

He could pay you the £100 a month and then it is even, sounds like he's worked hard in a stressful job, that takes it's toll over time. I imagine if you had children you had an easy few years on mat leave, maybe even working pt and enjoying the kids while he did long hours, time for him to relax a little and enjoy himself. I wouldn't have an issue with this if my husband paid off the mortgage, he's still contributing what he would be paying each month so it makes no difference.

Are you wanting him to carry on working so you can work less? It isn't clear what you actually want?

No. Ok, he's paid off the mortgage (so have I) but he still needs to contribute towards the bills. He's still using electric/gas/internet. He still has kids. I've paid my mortgage off but the bills get split evenly and I pay my share. Ridiculous situation that he's done his bit. He still lives there, bills still need to be paid.

If he shoe was on the other foot and the woman was retiring and paying off the mortgage then there wiuld be a totally different reaction.
I would be ecstatic and extremely grateful that I don’t have to worry about a mortgage payment ever again.

there’s a £950 bill that she doesn’t need to pay every month, so expenses have gone down!

he’s retiring so I’m guessing his kids are not toddlers. I am so assuming that he’s happy to help around the house as per usual.

i don’t get that the issue is?

Can you both not just work part time?

Not read all but need to say... the money your dh is paying off the mortgage with is also your money... you are married so the money is joint.
So the bills will still come from the joint pot of money you both bring to the table every month.
Maybe paying your mortgage off isn't the best use of the lump sum.... have you taken advice? Or does dh decide everything?

And what do you mean he won't do school runs?? They're his children and if they need to get to school then it's partly his responsibility!!+

🙄🙄🙄😬😬😬

Put your worry off for now about him going back to work down the road. At the nine month window perhaps start a conversation about future plans. As for childcare, surely he can help out a bit. You drop off he picks up etc. Children are work and he shouldn’t have a free pass on his responsibility as a parent. Dig your heels in on that one.

Is he older than you, how early a retirement is it?
I see where you’re coming from but he’s paying off the main bill, the mortgage, why can’t he have a year off?
did you have extended maternity leave when your kids were little?
I know it’s not the same thing, an I’m talking as someone that had about 8 months total for both my kids but I don’t think he’s being unreasonable.

They’re still at school. OP will have to carry on working to fund everything else. The mortgage may be paid off but the other expenses continue and are now OP’s sole responsibility. DH is the one who will benefit most from paying off the mortgage and OP will probably burn out trying to foot the bill for everything else.

My husband retired at 54, he had no choice, can only work 30yrs as a police officer. He worked hard at his job, seeing things and being in situations alot of us would rather not see. He worked his way up the ladder and l was, and still am extremely proud of him. We too paid of the little we had outstanding on the mortgage, & l carried on working full time. I am a nurse in the nhs so have plenty of years of work infront of me. After a couple of months not working, my dh became bored and felt isolated, so got a part time job. I do a supermarket shop once a week, l pay, but many times l have asked my dh to do the big shop, he pays. It really doesn't bother us, who pays for what, we are a couple, we share...

He’s paid in advance, i would want him to be in work after a year though to share the load and maybe you can drop some hours. Not sure if I’m right or wrong, it’s just how I would feel about it. I would absolutely want him to be going school runs/clubs and chores though.

Can I ask a question ? Do posters really think that paying off the mortgage entitles him to give up work and watch OP work 40+ hours to fund every single other expense as the sole earner ? Where is the back up plan ? What happens in emergencies ? What if OP is taken ill or loses her job ? What if he decides he doesn’t want to go back to work at all, or can’t find a job at 56 having been unemployed for a year ? Why the hell are posters telling OP she should be grateful he is paying the mortgage off when it’s clear that he’s the only one who will benefit from it. It won’t make any bloody difference to OP - she still has to work full time with no end date until their outgoings reduce so that she can either stop working or reduce her hours.

Has he already committed to taking the large lump sum? Given his young age he may be better off taking no / small lump sum and receiving a larger pension - look at inverse commutation.

If I were working full time I would expect him to be doing more than hoovering and cooking dinner.

With your update, I'd start to get your ducks in a row and divorce. How the hell is he not doing the school run when he's not at work? How on earth can he justify that position? He's an utterly awful father and I bet his "moods" control a lot of your life.

Yeah, I think younger women are getting the message.

Expenses have gone down by £1000 a month?!

if the shoe was in the other foot abs she has a bag and wanted to quit?

it’s the same thing, apart from she didn’t pay off a mortgage!

I can only hope then that someone else is responsible for financial planning in your house

Probably because the man has used most of his retirement pot to pay off the remaining mortgage giving his family security? It seems true that "no good deed goes unpunished". Now this good man is going to suffer resentment for doing right by his family and also avoiding burntout/ptsd from work which would have been a problemfor his family. Almost as if OP would rather he paid the mortgage monthly or he kept quiet about his money.

Op he will not be getting another job, this is him telling you that indirectly. He wont do fuck all at home or with the children while you're run ragged. If he goes ahead then make it clear its 1 year only because he will do all he can to long it out. At least he would have paid off the mortgage which will work in your favour when you divorce him

The math aint mathing.... hope he goes back to work

🤣

i am

my mortgage is paid off… in a very similar way!

Head is spinning—-

1. I think it’s fair to have expected staggered retirement dates given ages- both for practical reasons related to pension access and health.

2. there seems to be a distinct lack of co planning- why does he get to make this decision about a joint asset, the mortgage and pension are both

3. was provision never made for your pension given the gaps and that his career was supported - if you younger reading this and a stay at home parent fgs open a SIPP

4. paying mortgage off isn’t always financially efficient- that money is now removed from pot and is not longer growing - what has he done with the rest of pension unless it’s a DB type - all of this should have been discussed I’m mad on your behalf!

5. I get why this may seem unfair it’s like you’ve been sidetracked

I think you need a very serious conversation

To a poster near the start who was critical of 55 as a retirement age - you can retire whatever age you want, who wants to be travelling while pissing themselves in their 70s?

I almost feel mad on your behalf OP

He’s not just contributing £100 a month currently. They both contribute £1000 a month. He will pay off the mortgage from his lump sum, saving £950 per month, but can’t contribute any further from the very small pension that will be left. OP will be essentially left to pay for everything else until he finds another job, if ever.

I’ve had to give up work through ill health. DH works full-time. We have no mortgage. But we have just come out of funding our son through uni for 3 years. My contribution is my mothers flat which we let out.

I cook 5 days out of 7, do all the cleaning and washing etc.

If he is retired I think he should be doing school runs and helping more with weekend activities.

It’s ok for him to retire early but it’s not ok for you to carry on doing childcare and school runs.

That’s where you compromise. You carry on doing that but he needs to work part time. Or he does school runs childcare to relieve you.

He can’t have it both ways. That’s not fair.