DH to pay off mortgage then stop house bill contributions

[Luannaa]

DH will take early retirement at the end of the year from a job he has worked very very hard in and made a huge difference to people’s lives and it has also taken its toll on him with things he has had to witness- hence earlier retirement.

This will give him enough money to pay off our joint mortgage which he wants to do so we can be mortgage free. I am extremely grateful for this as it’s huge security for the future and our dc.

However DH then doesn’t want to go into any work for at least a year, for his hobbies his small pension will see him through but this means he cannot pay anything towards the weekly/ monthly bills.

As it stands we combine £1k per month for all joint and household bills, one of these being the £900 mortgage.
With that gone, technically he doesn’t need to contribute any more as he has paid his bit but I feel a bit miffed to carry on working 40+ hours a week and sometimes overtime while he has no job, no bills to pay and just enjoys his hobbies (they are free/ low cost).

AIBU?

Please share your opinions and be honest as I want to get this right for us both.

I don’t think I’d have a problem with him taking a year off but I would have a problem if he thought he didn’t have to do any of the school runs, life admin etc and playing a more active role with the DC, due to him being the ‘sah parent’!

As long as he doesn’t take the piss with his hobbies, while you continue to work full time, and he does make your life easier with the DC, then there shouldn’t be an issue?

I feel like it's fair financially giveb the mortgage payment, hes just paying his contribution early, but it's more what he'll be doing at home. I don't think it's fair to have to be the only earner and still juggle school runs, shopping, cleaning and cooking. I'd also be discussing how he plans to go back to work, is he using the time to transition to a new role, any extra training/qualifications, networking, exploring options. It sometimes takes 4 or 5 months to get a new job so he'll need to start thinking pretty quickly.
I can see why you'd feel it's a bit rubbish being the only earner, it's an emotional responsibility too. I'd try and view it as a year off domestic duty, get him to do everything, cleaning, shopping, cooking, holiday planning, school runs, birthday organising etc - try and see it as a break for both of you in some ways.

He’ll still be paying his half.

It’s irrelevant if he’s working 40+ hours a week, doing a different job, retiring or starting a new business.
As long as he’s paying his share then that’s fine.

The only reason changing jobs or retiring would be an issue was if they were receiving significantly less money and couldn’t pay their half.

If OP was offered a job for the same amount of money but less hours, we’d all be telling her to go for it because she can still pay her share.

Are you suggesting that if OP got the chance to also retire at 56 she shouldn’t take it?

The financial change will impact your ability to be equal. Paying off the mortgage should have shared impact. It wont.

If they are both paying £1k per month to cover mortgage and bills, by him paying off the mortgage early, yes the £900 is no needed to pay off the mortgage, so he's effectively paid both his £450 plus Ops £450.

He should still be paying £100 per month along with the £1000 the Op pays in, which should make the Op no worse off.

Also if he's not working, he should be pulling his weight at home, to work as a partnership

The emotional impact and mental load should be equal. He's given himself a free pass to land it on you.

Hi op considering he will only be paying 100.00 less a month I think it’s ok but you have to hand over more responsibilities to him so when you get home you can chill. You just say if I’m working full time you do school runs, tidying cooking washing clothes etc. this frees up more weekends for you all as a family you never know him doing more house stuff might make him want to go part time doing something else but you definitely need to put more on him. You can’t be expected to carry on as before or you will come to resent him.

What’s the plan for when you retire? Is he hoping to benefit financially when you retire? Will he start contributing to the bills again?

we contribute according to our wage. My OH is paid 1/3rd more than me so he pays 3/5 of the bills and I pay 2/5. If that changes (eg when I was in maternity) we readjust. You should both have about the same free money after bills. If you have nothing after bills he should be contributing. You will find him simply being off work costs money. Food, electricity and entertaining himself during the day all increase and that shouldn’t be coming out of your purse.

Interesting predicament OP.
if it was me I’d look for some financial advice about the best thing to do with the money rather than immediately paying the mortgage off. Maybe that IS the best thing, I don’t know, but what about clearing half the balance, adding a chunk to both pension pots, and creating a savings account for the kids/uni etc.

you need to have a good chat about the division of labour while he’s off and his plans for the future. You’re married with kids and this should be a decision that suits all of you, not one of the adults. He was always going to retire earlier but also (fast forward a long way - hopefully) you’re more likely to care for him as he ages and more likely to have to live alone after he dies.

The current plan is a recipe for resentment and losing respect for one another- perhaps talk to him about your fears? Personally I would get the ick if my DH bowed out in this manner and was happy to watch me do everything. If I’d married an older man I’d hope to be working part time in my later years to enjoy quality retirement time together, keeping his older age in mind.

For now, I would want to support my DH to have some well needed down time (eg a month) and after that for there to be a plan where he takes something off your plate. If I were you I’d also be carefully planning my A/L to give ME some time off (eg during term time and let him cover a good chunk of the school holidays himself).

The fact you’ve posted means you’re not totally comfortable with his plan and I don’t blame you.

Paying off the mortgage is hardly a free pass!

In which country does electricity, gas, council tax, insurance, car, car insurance, etc costs in total £100/month?

No. But if there is an unexpected financial burden, for example car costs, flood, leak. He wont have any capacity to contribute to achieving the money. He will be having hos hobby year. Op will have to find the money.

Just a question to OP - if he isn’t contributing, and most of his lump sum is taken by paying off mortgage, and there’s no money left from your wages, what happens if you have an unexpected cost? If the roof needs replacing, or the boiler dies? High cost repairs need to be considered and contingency made for these, just in case he decides not to work at all.

It does sound like he needs time to relax and reset from such a stressful job. But unless you’ve got lots of money it’s a long time until state pension kicks in and you’ll likely have a high household bill to pay on the next 12 years.

I guess you could argue he has ‘front loaded’ his share.
But how does the long term picture look - if the kids get more expensive (teenage stuff, then support at uni) can he still afford to pay his share? What about when a length of time has elapsed such that he is no longer ‘ahead’ in the mortgage - can he afford half of all costs from then onwards, for the rest of your lives, on the pension he has? And can you afford the other half on your projected pension?

If not I think he’d be much better searching for a lower stress potentially part time role before giving up work. The job market isn’t great and I can’t imagine a 56 year old man who hasn’t worked for a year and wants to shift into an area where he has no experience will find it very easy to find a job.

I mean, personally, I wouldn’t be happy with my husband retiring and me continuing to work (but then I expect him to cover the bills and any work I do is a bonus), but I suppose in your situation it doesn’t actually make a difference in terms of what you’ve been doing. I just think you need to let him have this year, it sounds like he needs it, and then tell him after that, you’re not happy with the arrangement long term.

OP if he decided to buy a new car/lads holiday, whatever instead of paying off the mortgage, then surely he'd still be liable to pay his half to cover living expenses.

I agree with PP's that OH will need to step up in terms of giving his time to contribute to the running of the house. I don't like school runs either, but I have to do them!

Is the lump sum he will use to pay off the mortgage bigger than a years worth of payments?

Is he retiring from being a parent, husband, partner too? Or just from his job. Because it sounds like you do everything while he expects he will be on permanent vacation from now on with no resposibilities.

If he expects you to continue to pay full household bills , he needs to accept some house responsibilities and continue to be a parent. He wouldn't have been able to pay the mortgage if you didnt take on paying the rest if the bills. You both paid for the house/ mortgage, not just him.

Fair play to him for early retirement.

your joint mortgage is joint, great he can pay it off for BOTH of you, but works in his favour too so he doesn’t have to get another job. I would say all your finances are joint and not his/mine, so ok no mortgage but surely he should contribute something towards bills? Maybe not 50%, but something and he would need to do all chores / school runs etc.

Let me out it another way. It doesn't seem balanced if you're still doing everything you did before, and yet you lose out on treats, such as takeaways, etc.

What about the rising cost of living? By the end of the year your outgoings will increase. Is it sustainable on your salary?

How easy will it be to get a job after a full year off? He could spend time retraining for something else, or renovating the house - you could sell that to an employee, but not lie ins and cycling!
It's good to have the mortgage paid off but it's not accessible money that can be used for unexpected bills or holidays or a replacement car.
I think he should take 3 months, and then keep reviewing the situation - how's it working financially and also emotionally for everyone not just him

He’s getting a pension so still has an income. Floods and leaks are usually covered by insurance.

I've just had a reason to claim on house insurance and there was a large excess to pay!

Police retire at 55; it's a tough job and the shift work can screw up a person too, hence the early retirement. Not suggesting that's their job, but it sounds like the OP is a little jealous, when I think they should be happy.
Makes sense they pay off the mortgage and then takes a step back on contributions for a while - I'm sure it all works out to a similar amount in the end?

So they way I read this is that you won't have any extra to contribute than you already do currently?
If that is correct, then it's fair. If he didn't retire you'd be working and paying the exact same.

But he’s paying the mortgage off for both of you? You’re being selfish here. Can you afford to pay off the mortgage? Then you can retire and he has to continue working.