DH to pay off mortgage then stop house bill contributions

[Luannaa]

DH will take early retirement at the end of the year from a job he has worked very very hard in and made a huge difference to people’s lives and it has also taken its toll on him with things he has had to witness- hence earlier retirement.

This will give him enough money to pay off our joint mortgage which he wants to do so we can be mortgage free. I am extremely grateful for this as it’s huge security for the future and our dc.

However DH then doesn’t want to go into any work for at least a year, for his hobbies his small pension will see him through but this means he cannot pay anything towards the weekly/ monthly bills.

As it stands we combine £1k per month for all joint and household bills, one of these being the £900 mortgage.
With that gone, technically he doesn’t need to contribute any more as he has paid his bit but I feel a bit miffed to carry on working 40+ hours a week and sometimes overtime while he has no job, no bills to pay and just enjoys his hobbies (they are free/ low cost).

AIBU?

Please share your opinions and be honest as I want to get this right for us both.

I will get a lump sum when I retire but I would expect that to be a contribution to something to benefit all of us - whether work done to the house, money set aside for the dc, a special holiday. It wouldn't be instead of me being able to pay a share of bills!

I think would be my preferred option. It doesn't shelter him from the rising cost of living which I think is going to be really important for the next few years...if he's going to be home a lot more using more heat/electricity then there's a bill that is immediately going to rise!

Wondering if thinks like clothes/holidays are included in that 2k a month - if not how will things like that be covered if he's on what sounds like a pocket money pension?

You probably don't need any more replies but what did strike me was your first post where it all seems very much 'his' money and 'your' money.
For a couple who are married and in middle age, you seem to regard your income as separate assets.

If he can pay off YOUR mortgage, then that is a huge bonus.
I don't know what work he does but your post suggests he could be medical - changing people's lives etc- so I think he's completely right to take a year off- but will he work again or not?

It's a bit confusing as you say take a year off but also retire.
Which is it?
Can he go back to the type of work he did or is he never going to work again except as a hobby?

Maybe you need to re-think this along lines of joint income not his and yours?

From what OP has said, his job has taken a toll on his health. I had a job that made me ill through stress and burnout. Luckily my DH was able to bear the financial brunt of me taking a year off work to recover before looking for another job. Looking back, I really needed that and probably would have been ill again had I not had time and space to recover. Perhaps the DH here is in a similar position. When you also add in that (a) he’s paying off the mortgage, (b) you can financially cope and (c) he’s only asked for one year before looking for work again - as well as the fact he’s 7 years older than OP so why would they retire at the same time anyway? - I think it would be very unreasonable to not agree to this.

For him to pay off the mortgage and agree that he will look for part time work/another job in one year, I genuinely don’t see the problem. I guess it would depend on how old your children are? He would need to pick up the lion’s share of life admin and running the house as well as doing hobbies!

Ooh this is a weird one. Why haven’t you both discussed your shared future?

How much is the lump sum paying off? What happens if there are unexpected bills?

I think taking his pension early isn’t a crazy thing to do but surely DH picking up a different, part time, low stress job would be a great compromise?

He could have time for his hobbies but continue to bring money in for everyone’s financial security.

I imagine, if he has a whole year off for hobbies, he will be reluctant to look for work after that. and indeed, might find it difficult to get a job.

Slowing down sounds great but stopping not ideal for many reasons.

As long as you are not paying more I genuinely don’t understand the problem. How much longer did you have left on the mortgage ?
he has essentially paid off your share of it so I think only fair that things carry on as they are ? Why should he have to pay more when he has just paid off the mortgage?

I don't understand this. (Not your post but picking up on the same points.)

If he is getting a lump sum when he leaves his career then he would be also getting a pension. That pension should now be part of your total income @Luannaa

It sounds as if you have not sat down as a couple to discuss your future finances in detail.

If he's only going to get a small pension at his age, how will this provide for you both in the future?

What pension will you get?

Will both your pensions and the state pension be enough in the future?

So is this a pension lump sum he's using to pay off the mortgage?
Presumably your career somewhat halted by doing all the school runs etc and everything to allow him to continue to earn well and pay into this pension - so in effect some of this lump sum he's using is in part thanks to you?
Sorry but I'm fed up of women's / mums labour being invisible and unseen.

It's not unreasonable to have a 3 month break and/or choose a part time job that pays his half ie 550 per month but it's completely out of order to swan off and leave you picking up his shortfall, feeling like your hard work towards this lump sum is immaterial, dropping your living standards and by sounds of it still not helping with school runs!

Probably sounding angry but typical entitled man springs to mind!

So OP want him to cover the mortgage (equivalent to £900 irrespective of it’d he’s pays it off in full or continues to pay monthly)
then cover 50%of bills
so DH pays for 75% of cost and OP pay 25%

@Luannaa You're not looking at the bigger picture of life in retirement and the income you need to have a comfortable lifestyle.
Do some proper planning as a couple.

At 48, retirement for you is likely to be 68 for the state pension so will you work that long or can you afford to retire earlier ?

You're not really dealing with this in a mature way- you're only looking at the next year and resenting having to work when he isn't.

A significant proportion of those 50-64 year old women will be "retired" because they are caring for elderly parents, not sitting with their feet up or enjoying their hobbies. It is widely recognised that women carry the bulk of elder care as well as child care, so they often struggle to manage it all at that age, especially if menopause is also impacting. Men and women's lives are not the same, so direct comparisons of employment stats are not always fair.

You don’t think paying off the mortgage would benefit them all?

If he died or became unwell then OP could not afford to pay the mortgage on her own.

With it paid off that’s £900 less they have to find each month and if something did happen to one of them, there would be no worries about losing their home.

Maybe when OP retires she can choose to spend her money on work done to the house.

The most important issue is he's retiring at 55 so will be losing 10 years of his occupational pension.

This is really bad planning and they both need to take a step back and focus on long term finances.

The risk is he may not get another job at 55 depending what his career was, so what happens next?

Surely if he has paid your joint £900 per month mortgage off and you each contribute £1k per month each then you will only be short of £100 per month? Can this £100 shortfall be found out of savings £50 per month each.

What’s this obsession with folk divorcing? 🤣🤣🤣

where on earth has this been suggested by the OP

I agree it’s really bad planning. I don’t think he can really afford to retire, but at the same time he may find it very difficult to find a new job at his age.

It would be more sensible to estimate that it may well take around a year to find another job.

But they need a contingency plan in case he doesn’t find one.

I think that sounds fair. Hes not left you with any extras to pay.There's a seven year age gap. Maybe you take a year out too when you turn 55 then it would be fair.

Would it be possible for him to pay the mortgage off, but you "owe" him for your half of it? Then, you pay the bills until you've "paid him back" so to speak (i.e. covering his half of running the household), but then as soon as that's done, he needs to pay his half of the bills again.

Obviously I don't know how much you owe on it, so I don't know how long this would take. There's also the option of him paying a reduced amount for the household bills, maybe half of what he usually pays, until you've covered your half of what he paid towards the mortgage.

But just paying the mortgage off doesn't mean he never has to contribute to the household again. He could live for decades!

I agree. Part of the problem seems to be that financially he's not thinking in terms of you as a couple at all. My DH and I regard our pensions as shared, his is much bigger because we prioritised his career, although I have always worked. He wouldn't see his pension lump sum as purely his money, not I mine - it's family money.

By doing this OP's husband is unilaterally spending his lump sum on financing his time off, limiting the future options for both of them, and also reducing his future pension for the rest of his life (in my scheme retiring at 55 would reduce the payment by a third, so it's a big impact). I don't think that's something that should be done lightly and certainly not without the buy in from the other partner.

Sorry OP, I haven't read the full thread, but I'm wondering how much time off you took when your kids were born, as while a woman still works hard, even if she becomes a stay at home mum for a while, she does still have the opportunity to arrange her time to do things she wants to do, without the restrictions that paid employment places on us.

Interestingly, I've just had a chat with my DH about this situation, and he thinks that you are being selfish begrudging your DH some time off after working a hard and stressful job, presumably for many years. However, he also thinks that your DH should not give up work completely, but should find something to do a couple of days a week, so as to add a bit to the pot, in case of emergencies, for example, what would happen if you were taken long term sick? OK the mortgage would be one huge worry off your mind, but would the family then have to live off of benefits, which would likely mean quite a big drop in your standard of living?

Nah this wouldn’t work for me/my marriage! There’s no way I’d be happy in my marriage if I was working full time while DH slept in, indulged his hobbies and sat on his arse. I don’t care that the financial contribution is the same. The lifestyles you both have will be miles apart.

If my DH suggested this I’d say he should pay off the mortgage and then we’ll both go down to part time as the monthly bills have reduced.

I took VR from a well paid job, earning slightly more than my other half, and moved into a much lower paid job but less stress, better work / life balance - I can no longer contribute to joint savings, but we have my redundancy pay saved - so I essentially paid my contribution to savings up front. I would see it like that - he’s made his contribution up front by paying off the mortgage.

I read it as 1k each a month, so she will be paying an extra £100, but I could be wrong. If he takes on all the routine housework (washing, cleaning, shopping, etc) while she is at work, so she also has extra free time, fair enough.

I have friends (teachers) who are taking a lump sum early and the rest of their pension and then continuing to work but in a different job. Yes they will pay tax but it’s less stressful, the lump sum is used for paying mortgages off and then they can work for longer than they could as teachers because of burn out.

This won't work! It leaves Op with a mortgage and half the bills, plus exposure to interest rate hikes. She has no pension herself, She will be working until she drops!