Nursery teachers snarky comment

[CheekyTealFawn]

I’m livid, wondering whether to bring it up or just leave it if I’m overreacting.

DD is 2 yrs 9 month old, and just started nursery today. She’ll go 2 days per week, 7.30am-6.30pm.

I work two jobs (one evening and one Saturday per week), as I am studying 30 hours per week for my BA in English, which I do on my childcare days, in nap times, and every free evening I have. So, I could really use every minute of help I can get.

I dropped DD off at 8.30am no problems. When I go to pick her up, I get there at 6.20pm. I see I have two missed calls from the nursery. I ask why they called, worried, and the manager laughed and said “because we want to go home.” I was confused, and said “oh, I’m so sorry, I thought pick up was before 6.30?” And she pulled a face and said “yes, but it’s Friday and your daughter is the last one here, and she has been waiting and asking for you and wondering why she is the only one”

All of the staff had their hats and coats on waiting by the door when I arrived. DD was also sat by the door with her hat and coat on looking out the window waiting for me. it’s made me feel like the worst mum, and extremely embarrassed as I felt like the staff were all looking at and judging me. My daughter loved her first day, seems very happy there, but I don’t know whether to say something to the manager about it?

I understand it’s Friday and of course the staff want to go home, but I didn’t initially want Fridays, but they made me pick that day since it was quieter and we’re only part time, to make room for more full time children on the other days .

i don’t know what I’d say, and I don’t know if mum guilt at leaving my daughter there last is making me more sensitive, but now I’m anxious to leave her there until 6.20, even though I could really use it since I’m constantly playing catch up with my university work because I’m forever lagging behind due to not being able to afford enough childcare.

am I being sensitive? Should I say something? If so, what?

6.30 is the standard here so there was plenty options , but the waitlists are so long and this nursery seemed so great so now if we move we have to join another waitlist 😢 I will ask, and just have to put her in at 7.30am instead of 8.30, but I just don’t like waking her up as usually she is fast asleep by the time I’d need to get her up so she clearly needs her rest!

She’s two. She doesn’t have associations that Friday is the end of the week.

I think the OP is absolutely inspirational. She’s working, she’s studying and she’s bringing up her child. I think the nursery were completely out of order.

Not everyone wants the same things in life. Some people I don’t are content within their lot and some people try to improve their situation. I don’t think it’s ‘grim’ for people to use childcare in order to do that.

Generally I would say YANBU but given you are using your days to catch up on uni work and presumably have some flexibility, could you not choose another day? Most people do finish early on Fridays so if the nursery is accustomed to not having children left by 6.30, I can see it would be a bit annoying for them after a long week. That being said they absolutely shouldn’t have phoned you! And were being very cheeky. I do feel sorry for the last child left at nursery, (sometimes mine!) and it’s likely she may have been there on her own for a while given it was a Friday.

And the other part of it is that she loves childcare, she has thrived joining a childminder and now with the move to a bigger nursery I hope she will continue to thrive. She came to me with the biggest, happiest grin on her face. Nursery assistant also messaging me pictures all day telling me how happy she was, hasn’t cried once, playing with new friends, so I was very reassured. If I received a message saying she is miserable and hates it and is crying all day I would’ve gone immediately.

Thank you ❤️

What irritating nursery staff. Ignore them and ignore the misogynistic 1950s mums trying to make you feel guilty; they would never say this to dads!

Unfortunately I don’t have flexibility, it’s not to catch up it is actually the day I have to do my work. I agree about Friday, I never wanted Friday, they forced me to pick it though!

i was thinking this exact thing this morning!!

It’s the world we live in. Huge amounts of people can’t afford to have children without putting them in childcare. You’re suggesting they shouldn’t have families? Hardworking people shouldn’t be allowed to have families?

I think 10 minutes before closing is fine.

I have a business and people coming right at closing time infuriates me. Once they have gone, I still have about 15 minutes of work to do before I close.
I don't say anything though, I just internally roll my eyes.

It's like going to a supermarket, you wouldn't go bang on closing time, just like you didn't.
You're probably going to have to clarify if 6:30 means 6:30, I don't see why it shouldn't 🤷🏻‍♀️

I mean, they’re open and you’re paying for it so well within your rights to use it - and expect no comments about that.

But - I’d also say, they’re open might be used to the children usually being gone by that time on a Friday and so being able to go. At my nursery most of the children seem to be picked up earlier on a Friday - more parents WFH etc.

OP that sounds infuriating with nursery, I’d have initially felt sad/guilty and then angry too. I work long shifts in healthcare - made longer by condensed hours as it’s how I can afford to collect my kids three days per week directly from school! Completed my final professional exams when I had two under two (and gasp, a three day p/w NHS job!) so know the constant balance of working studying and parenting. Now, I’m often last to collect my kids on the days the are in childcare! It’s two days per week till 6:30, I’m rarely there before 6:25. Mine are older now (age 4&5) so do often have their coats on (which am actually ok with as we then run and get their younger sibling from minder) and they all do tidy up together, but there’s a small box of colouring/toys left out and generally by the end of the day they are shattered so it’s story (or tv) time. It’s two days per week. While they don’t love it, it’s allowed me to be with them for multiple afternoons AND to have a week day with them each week of the summer holidays, which they love.

It’s very much not acceptable that nursery were rude to you. Calling at 6:20 is also unreasonable (unless the child was inconsolable) and again, why were they not calming her or playing with her to distract her - instead of “waiting” (which it sounds like they were doing and would also always have triggered my kids). Please do say something.

I do wonder, if staff are literally only paid until 6:30 in the setting - and hence want the earlier collection times as they’ve paperwork and tidy up to do. However if this is the case it reinforces that it’s a systemic/organizational issue. And also means long term, a solution will have to be found that meets your daughters needs (I know in my kids settings one member of staff is allocated to play with the ‘late collections’ kids while the others do the strip down and reset for the next day).

Completely agree about finishing work early on Fridays. I’d rather have her with me on Fridays, that was always “our” day, but they made me pick Friday as one of my days, and I need the hours. Maybe they will let me take Thursday like I’d originally asked if it becomes so annoying for them

The same in school?

That’s exactly what they’re suggesting!

OP please don't listen to the santimonious perfect parents on here. You've paid for dd to be there until 18:30. They shouldn't be calling you unless you're late or there's a problem. I highly doubt that at 2 years old your dd even notices that she's the last there unless the staff are making a massive deal of it. If they were that bothered that she was uncomfortable they would be playing/reading with her not dressed to go and hovering around the door wittling that you aren't there yet... This will reenforce to your dd that it's you being careless and not picking her up in time. I'd be moving her tbh and being explicit about why. They don't want to do their job and they clearly don't give a crap about dd or you.

Yes a lot of children use wraparound care.

At my school you could use wraparound care from 730am - 630pm if you wanted.

Absolutely outrageous- you’ve paid til 6.30 so you have a right to service til 6.30. And of course she was wanting you if they got her all ready and told her you’d be there soon. Complain to the manager/owner.

Exactly this.
A degree is full time. English courses have a huge amount of reading too. Reading the texts, reading around the texts, note taking, thinking. essay writing. The contact time is only a tiny fraction of this. Good on you anyway. My dad did his degree when I was a similar age.

i would say if you’d still prefer a Thursday you should speak to the manager about not being comfortable with Friday pick up. The funding situation isn’t fair on nurseries either so possibly they can’t but given they’re rushing you out early on a friday suggest this is a better fit for everyone.

What's the point of this crappy message? Are you trying to make OP feel guilty? She needs the time and it's only two days a week.

6.30 should mean 6.30. OP is already bringing in her DD later than she could, nursery staff are being lazy.

That may give you good leverage to change it when a space becomes available…

Fridays tend to be less busy days at the nursery - as if people work part time, that’s the day they’re more likely to have off. That’s probably how they can justify just letting you use the free hours vs a core midweek day.

I know many children who have wraparound care because parents do a long commute and can’t get back till 7pm and local nursery closed at 6pm

You could do them one, though.

Regardless of anyone’s opinion on your choices, if the arrangement is she’s there until 6.30, then you are perfectly entitled to pick her up at 6.30. If staff need time to tidy up after the last child has left, the nursery should be paying them for an extra 15 minutes or whatever, that’s not your problem. If they actually want all the children gone by 6.15 then they should say that and you should pay less accordingly.

Sounds like an opportunity to change to your preferred day.

Sorry, what do you mean?

I think they mean you could do them a favour by not using the childcare time you’ve paid for. Mind boggles.