Nursery teachers snarky comment

[CheekyTealFawn]

I’m livid, wondering whether to bring it up or just leave it if I’m overreacting.

DD is 2 yrs 9 month old, and just started nursery today. She’ll go 2 days per week, 7.30am-6.30pm.

I work two jobs (one evening and one Saturday per week), as I am studying 30 hours per week for my BA in English, which I do on my childcare days, in nap times, and every free evening I have. So, I could really use every minute of help I can get.

I dropped DD off at 8.30am no problems. When I go to pick her up, I get there at 6.20pm. I see I have two missed calls from the nursery. I ask why they called, worried, and the manager laughed and said “because we want to go home.” I was confused, and said “oh, I’m so sorry, I thought pick up was before 6.30?” And she pulled a face and said “yes, but it’s Friday and your daughter is the last one here, and she has been waiting and asking for you and wondering why she is the only one”

All of the staff had their hats and coats on waiting by the door when I arrived. DD was also sat by the door with her hat and coat on looking out the window waiting for me. it’s made me feel like the worst mum, and extremely embarrassed as I felt like the staff were all looking at and judging me. My daughter loved her first day, seems very happy there, but I don’t know whether to say something to the manager about it?

I understand it’s Friday and of course the staff want to go home, but I didn’t initially want Fridays, but they made me pick that day since it was quieter and we’re only part time, to make room for more full time children on the other days .

i don’t know what I’d say, and I don’t know if mum guilt at leaving my daughter there last is making me more sensitive, but now I’m anxious to leave her there until 6.20, even though I could really use it since I’m constantly playing catch up with my university work because I’m forever lagging behind due to not being able to afford enough childcare.

am I being sensitive? Should I say something? If so, what?

You defo need to complain - she doubled down on it so she has no shame and if you let it slide she will think this is an acceptable attitude moving forward.

You’ve paid for a service. I’d be changing nurseries - this simply isn’t on

very unprofessional

You must lead a very limited and shelter life if you don’t know anyone who works past 6pm on a Friday.

Do you Dad shame too or is your misogyny limited to Mum shaming?

Please stop. The OP is doing what she needs to do to work 2 jobs while studying. There are lots of children who go to nursery for long hours.

There will always be outliers but it is true that girls with mothers who have careers are more likely to have them as well. Just as it is true that girls who have mothers who are SAHM's are more likely to be SAHM's themselves but it doesn't mean that every single girl with a SAHM will grow up and be a SAHM.

Did you see your dad then? Or only suffer from hardly seeing your mum?

Wow that’s a LONG day for a little one to be with strangers. Poor kid.

Don’t be so judgmental. How is that helpful or relevant to unprofessional nursery workers?

Awful humans are out in force on this thread I see. Be a bloody long day having to spend it with some of the people on this thread, that’s for sure.

How is this helpful?! This mum is doing her best, she works, she studies, she is raising a child! All, as far as I can gather, with no other hell than that nursery! Where her daughter only goes for two days. They made her change the days she needed, so they can make more money from full-time kids. Also, closing times for parents should not be the same as closing/leaving time for staff! This poor mum feels guilty enough as it is, without comments like yours making it worse!

I saw my dad more but as a girl would have needed a close relationship with my mum. But she had an important career.

As a sahm you can actively help your children with their learning so that they can have careers. But I will tell them to think twice about having children themselves if they plan not to see them very often.

I would be fuming, too! As someone who has worked as a teacher, including in a nursery, closing time means 'pick up' time for parents, not leaving time for staff! Them being by the door, with their full gear on, is beyond rude! The comment is down right nasty! You say you got there at 6:20, and time paid is up to 6:30, so that is plenty of time for a meaningful handover! I would explain, like others have said, that Friday was not your choice, tbey made you take it; therefore, they can leave early on a Thursday instead, because, as hard as you try, you cannot make it to the nursery before 6:20 on a Friday! Good luck! X

I would be going back to the nursery and asking what time the last child is going home each day and try to get space on a day that has children staying later, stating that you think it would be better having children around to distract her into the early evening.

They should have still be with your child entertaining her and keeping things upbeat; they accepted her on that day after all!

If she really is the last one for an extended amount of time on the Friday, I don't think it will work long term. You may keep running into the same attitudes, and I can't imagine that will leave you very settled in the end.

I would start by firmly reminding them that you pay until 6.30 and if they want an early dart on a Friday then they should Amend their opening hours! They are not doing you a favour OP you are paying for their service. Such unprofessional behaviour and I would be telling them you wouldn’t appreciate it in future.

The whole point of my comment is to discourage bashing other mothers’ choices and I wouldn’t dream of judging yours. For your info, here are some of the studies I reference.
https://www.thelancet.com/journals/lanepe/article/PIIS2666-7762(24)00203-5/fulltext for one of the studies showing some centre based childcare is correlated with good outcomes for children (NOTE- many US studies have found the opposite. This is most likely because the US does bit have federal childcare standards and so childcare settings are unregulated. Assuming OP is in UK (I am) this is probably the more helpful comparison.)
https://www.theguardian.com/world/2015/jun/24/having-a-working-mother-works-for-daughters - references the harvard business study but is more readable
The above are trends and averages. Each family has to work out what is best for them.

It doesn't seem to be an issue since the vast majority of girls with mums who have careers make the same choice themselves.

And there will be people at your nursery who pick their kids up at three and will find five ‘very late’. What’s your point?

She’s now said multiple times she doesn’t feel guilty so no need to lament for her

5pm is still pretty late, some would say. Why didn’t you try and collect your child earlier? Were you trying to get your money’s worth?

@TheBlueKoala

so basically you would tell your kids not to have kids if they weren’t willing and able to be a stay at home parent?? Would you give both your son and daughter this advice, or just your daughter?

Good. There's absolutely no need for her to feel guilty.

@GotStrands

she has work to do. And even if she didn’t, what’s so wrong with getting your moneys worth??

@GotStrands

oh and 5pm isn’t pretty late, you do know a lot of jobs don’t even finish until at least 5pm?

Have you ever had a job?

OP please ignore all the people going on about the length of time she's at nursery and fellow mums shall we stop trying to increase the guilt on working/studying mums who use childcare because maybe that's the best/only option for them? Plus with small kids they are not even conscious of time - if they're unhappy being away from mum and dad they will be whether it's four hours or eleven. Not everyone has family around to help so paid for childcare is the answer.

The point here anyway is the nursery is obviously completely out of order and are paid to look after children until 6.30pm so should do that.

Well done you OP for doing a degree with a small child and for putting in the work to improve yourself and be a wonderful example to your child.

Love this! 👏

I beg your pardon?!? I’m not shaming OP for doing a degree if you read my comment again! I’m suggesting that her timing isn’t working based her OWN comments about the timings being tough and her being forced into 11 hours at nursery. Nothing to do with the sodding 1950s! Your reading comprehension needs work…