Nursery teachers snarky comment

[CheekyTealFawn]

I’m livid, wondering whether to bring it up or just leave it if I’m overreacting.

DD is 2 yrs 9 month old, and just started nursery today. She’ll go 2 days per week, 7.30am-6.30pm.

I work two jobs (one evening and one Saturday per week), as I am studying 30 hours per week for my BA in English, which I do on my childcare days, in nap times, and every free evening I have. So, I could really use every minute of help I can get.

I dropped DD off at 8.30am no problems. When I go to pick her up, I get there at 6.20pm. I see I have two missed calls from the nursery. I ask why they called, worried, and the manager laughed and said “because we want to go home.” I was confused, and said “oh, I’m so sorry, I thought pick up was before 6.30?” And she pulled a face and said “yes, but it’s Friday and your daughter is the last one here, and she has been waiting and asking for you and wondering why she is the only one”

All of the staff had their hats and coats on waiting by the door when I arrived. DD was also sat by the door with her hat and coat on looking out the window waiting for me. it’s made me feel like the worst mum, and extremely embarrassed as I felt like the staff were all looking at and judging me. My daughter loved her first day, seems very happy there, but I don’t know whether to say something to the manager about it?

I understand it’s Friday and of course the staff want to go home, but I didn’t initially want Fridays, but they made me pick that day since it was quieter and we’re only part time, to make room for more full time children on the other days .

i don’t know what I’d say, and I don’t know if mum guilt at leaving my daughter there last is making me more sensitive, but now I’m anxious to leave her there until 6.20, even though I could really use it since I’m constantly playing catch up with my university work because I’m forever lagging behind due to not being able to afford enough childcare.

am I being sensitive? Should I say something? If so, what?

The op is paying for the session until 6.30pm and is entitled to use it. I don't see the relevance of your snark.

FWIW I usually work beyond 6.30pm on a Friday.

Well I can’t believe that you can’t believe anyone could be at work until six on a Friday!

Honestly until this thread I had no idea people expected to knock off work early on Fridays. In my experience people tend to work longer on a Friday because they’re trying to get things finished so they can have a free weekend. I finished at seven yesterday.

I’ve only read your replies OP - and well done btw for defending yourself. Hate when people are hounded off their threads by trolls sticking the boot in - it’s destroying mumsnet tbh. Nothing wrong with nursery - my daughter loves it - and it’s brilliant you’re studying and working and being a mother. As you say, your daughter will remember that and be proud and inspired. I was by my full time working mum.

I am a single full time working mother with full time nursery. I get the slight guilt when she’s the last to be picked up. But just wanted to share an experience because I really do think it’s so crap of them to have made it so obvious to your daughter - she could have been really distressed by all that fuss. Mine was the last in her room recently and they sent me a picture of them giving her a ‘spa day’. She had her feet in warm water and they did her hair while she had her milk. It was so cute of them. Their reaction to having just her was to be able to give her extra attention and care that they couldn’t usually with lots of children - not to moan that they didn’t get to knock off early!!

How is this helpful? Mum is clearly struggling and it’s two days. Your comment is so judgmental and doesn’t even address the actual issue.

Errr - working past 6 on Friday is completely normal.

Agree completely.

As an employer I pay my staff to the end of their working day. If we get our tasks finished slightly early I might let them head away slightly early with my permission.

if for a second I got wind of my staff pressuring or coercing a “client” ( I’m in a different line of work) so that they can get away a bit early I would be raising merry hell. If I found out it was a regular occurrence I would be docking wages.

totally out of line. Unprofessional and reflects badly on my business.

I suggest you read it again a few times and maybe practice your reading comprehension…

It's not right that they were all sitting there with their coats on. They should be working with your child. They are being paid to do a job.

You're totally right to pick up at the end of the day.

I would be worried about the general standard of care in this place.

I'd complain, about the pick up comment and about the fact they'd clearly checked out for the day when they still had a child in their care.

I'm in education and usually defend teachers etc to the hilt but this is outrageous. Stick to your guns!

That brings back memories of when I was a young single parent with a child in nursery. I had a good job in the city which I had worked hard to get. The nursery constantly made me feel guilty about leaving DS in nursery. They’d say he missed me and I should get a good job locally in Tesco like lots of the other mums. They didn’t appreciate I’d fought homelessness and drug addiction to get this job and provide a good life for my DS. It was like they were always trying to jeopardise things for us.

The manager doesn't seem to have very effective management skills. If there was a fire alarm or safe guarding issue at 6.25 does she just lock the door and leave it. Why didn't she send a certain number worker's home early and alternate it week on week for such issues on Fridays if the child worker ratio is covered ?! I'd keep my head held high and kindly remind her she allocated you Fridays for benefit of service not service user and as a result if its impacting her or child then she find a solution for a different day that suits your college needs. Don't bend over back wards for her, most childcare workers have the childs best interest/needs at heart but in her case she's running it as a business and that is unlikely to change based on her personality. I'd ask about for any childminders who may provide a more homely environment so it gives you a back up should more similar situations arise .

I would say, 'I have a commitment until 6pm and can't guarantee to be able to arrive any sooner than 6.20pm. If this isn't convenient for your team (following 2 phone calls and everyone waiting by the door with coats on, waiting to leave, on Friday 9th Jan), I am more than happy to switch to Wednesday (or whichever day). However, the same time will apply due to my work schedule.'

Depersonalise it. They don't need to know you're at home studying.

First of all - amazing! You are a rockstar and never let anyone tear you down!

secondly, I wonder do the dads get this guilt - I doubt it! Would a nursery worker suggest a suited and booted man gives up his job in the city and take a job in Tesco to be closer to his child! I would be shocked if that was the case.

I feel like a lot of nurseries operate like this - The having hat and coat on waiting by the door is bang out of order but most children are picked up well before the official end of the day. I feel such guilt about my child being one of the remaining children left at the end of the day that I ensure he's picked up by half 4, even if I'm still working.

I don’t mean this nastily and I’m 100% with you on the nursery’s abhorrent behaviour btw - just awful! - but, from your reply to this comment, it sounds to me like you’ve taken too much on and your DD is having to pay the price here. 11 hours is way too long for any child, let alone a 2 year old. Take this as a sign that your timing for this is not right. I’d postpone your course a year or 2.

This is outrageous of the nursery. If your DD was “waiting and wondering why she was the last one” it’s because of the situation they created, putting her hat and coat on and all standing by the door even though you had not yet arrived, what an anxiety-inducing situation to create for her just to try and emotionally blackmail you. Why weren’t they playing with her, reading to her etc

i would also be furious and ask directly for clarification on what time they are open to, and advise that they share that information with all their staff because sticking a two year old in front of a window inside with their hat and coat on is not childcare

@TTCJJBeven if I’m still working And how do you suggest people with no help, do such a thing? Magic? Cloning?

It's 2 days a week. Many children go to nursery 5 days a week.

turn up at 6:29 every Friday even if you could get there earlier? Learn in the car outside the nursery where they can't see you, if necessary. (I studied on the OU, i get it, you need every second)

This would make me feel so crap too, sorry this happened OP.

To the people berating her for leaving her kid to do an 11 hour day she’s clearly trying her best to manage multiple commitments including educating herself, which will ultimately lead to more job opportunities and financial security for her kid so berating her for how long her kid was at nursery is mean imo, mothers of young kids beat themselves up enough with mum guilt so don’t worry you really don’t need to!

I would absolutely say something to the nursery manager, the fact they called you as if it was some kind of emergency when in fact you were ten mins EARLY to collect your kid is also a massive red flag, the whole thing is passive aggressive and just plain unnecessary. I used to work in restaurants and when people came in ten mins before close to order, yes it’s extremely annoying but you don’t say that to them!!! You smile and get on with it because it’s your job and you’re still on the clock. Same applies here.

Chasing you with multiple phone calls BEFORE the time the care was due to end is absolutely outrageous. They are treating you you’re late and an inconvenience for taking the hours that you’ve been offered. I absolutely would be saying something. If the staff are unhappy with their opening and closing hours they need to change them, not hassle people using the service at those times.

those are the hours the nursery are open and offer childcare - not everyone has the luxury of working part time or not working at all.

The 1950s are calling and want to welcome you back to the dark ages

Would it be because of snow where you are? It may be they were wanting to send staff/children home for safety in bad weather, if that applies. Otherwise they are extremely rude, yes. I think it would be reasonable to remind the Manager that you will collect your daughter by 6:30pm, you are working and prefer no phone calls unless your daughter is unwell or there is some other essential reason to contact you.

You are continually surprised that there are people with a different working pattern to you?

Do you have a wide circle of friends? Do you read, do you get out and experience the world? In my circle of friends I have everything from doctors to farmers to secretaries to business owners. They all have very different working pattern, hours and commitments. I wouldn’t be surprised if their children are in nursery in 6:30? Why are you surprised? And continually surprised??

You are able to finished work before 5. Thats your work pattern. Lots of people will work to five (or later) and then have to commute. It’s not surprising at all that children would be picked up later than five - and six thirty will be a challenge for some parents depending on their job and commute.

i think you need to broaden your horizons☺️

A "bit of structured play" is great for children 2+. In my book "a bit" doesn't equal 11 hours.

"Girls who see their mum have careers are more likely to have one"
That totally depends on how much time is left for the child. I hardly saw my mum and suffered from it which made me become a sahm. So inversed.