Nursery teachers snarky comment

[CheekyTealFawn]

I’m livid, wondering whether to bring it up or just leave it if I’m overreacting.

DD is 2 yrs 9 month old, and just started nursery today. She’ll go 2 days per week, 7.30am-6.30pm.

I work two jobs (one evening and one Saturday per week), as I am studying 30 hours per week for my BA in English, which I do on my childcare days, in nap times, and every free evening I have. So, I could really use every minute of help I can get.

I dropped DD off at 8.30am no problems. When I go to pick her up, I get there at 6.20pm. I see I have two missed calls from the nursery. I ask why they called, worried, and the manager laughed and said “because we want to go home.” I was confused, and said “oh, I’m so sorry, I thought pick up was before 6.30?” And she pulled a face and said “yes, but it’s Friday and your daughter is the last one here, and she has been waiting and asking for you and wondering why she is the only one”

All of the staff had their hats and coats on waiting by the door when I arrived. DD was also sat by the door with her hat and coat on looking out the window waiting for me. it’s made me feel like the worst mum, and extremely embarrassed as I felt like the staff were all looking at and judging me. My daughter loved her first day, seems very happy there, but I don’t know whether to say something to the manager about it?

I understand it’s Friday and of course the staff want to go home, but I didn’t initially want Fridays, but they made me pick that day since it was quieter and we’re only part time, to make room for more full time children on the other days .

i don’t know what I’d say, and I don’t know if mum guilt at leaving my daughter there last is making me more sensitive, but now I’m anxious to leave her there until 6.20, even though I could really use it since I’m constantly playing catch up with my university work because I’m forever lagging behind due to not being able to afford enough childcare.

am I being sensitive? Should I say something? If so, what?

@Alltheyellowbirds yes she is not in the wrong here it is most definitely the poor attitude of the staff at the nursery.

I think it was really rude of them to make you feel uncomfortable picking your DD at 6:20pm. It’s not like it was 6:30pm, then I would expect a phone call! What time were the missed calls btw? (sorry if you’ve already mentioned this). I can imagine that they might feel a little annoyed if they tried you before 6pm and then closer too and you didn’t pick up or call back. That’s the only reason I can think of.

I would clarify their opening times, email the manager stating that you believed they were open until 6:30pm, you collected at 6:20pm and this will be a regular pick up time on a Friday, mention the missed calls and the reasons why you couldn’t call back. Get clarification in writing, then there should be no miscommunication in the future.

That's not the point of the post though is it? All your comment could possibly do is make OP feel bad, so why post it?

OP, ignore, you do what works for you and dc at this time. You sound brilliant, studying and working with a little one.

My DC is in two full days - for 6h a week.
OP’s version of 2 full days is 22h/week.

I really feel like this is an obvious point:

The nursery hours are 7:30-6:30 to accommodate parents’ work flexibility at either end of the day. Not because they expect any single 2yo to be there for 11h(!!!).

You have to book a whole day because you’re using a spot, with all the associated costs to them. Your funding hours cover the nursery operating for 11h, however long your child is there. This is how most nurseries work.

Nursery workers are paid for their shift. Nice for them when they get the opportunity to leave early but not the responsibility of paying customers to ‘make their life easier’ by short changing themselves and making their life more difficult by having to do work later in the day when they’ve already made arrangements so they can get work done when their child isn’t at home.

Would you leave a doctors appointment early to help the doctor out? Would you buy less shopping than you need to make things easier for the cashier? Would you check out of holiday accommodation a day early so the cleaner has longer to clean?

I just wonder if there are other options. That is a very long day for a child in childcare and it couldn't be too much to be the last child there. A childminder might provide a more relaxed setting, especially one with other kids but shorter days generally work far better for little kids. It may not be possible but I would hate to think my little girl was there last on a Friday, even if the manager speaks to the staff, you can't 'make' them genuinely want to be with her..

Extremely unprofessional!! You pay til 6.30, therefore they are open til 6.30 getting away earlier is a treat not something they should pressure parents into!

Why are people suggesting changes to OP's schedule? She doesn't need to change her schedule. She has worked one out to manage competing demands on her time, including, god forbid, some downtime. All she wanted to know is if she or the nursery were being unreasonable. Which, since the nursery is open until 6.30pm and she is paying until 6.30pm, is the nursery. That's it, that's all she asked. The est of the unsolicited wank is unnecessary.

No one asking you're opinions on how long she is there. The fact of the matter is they are open until 6.30, you have paid for that service so you are well within your rights to utilise that time. They are absolutely in the wrong what they have done and for making your daughter feel worried about where you were.

Where are the staff coming halfway? Because there's no halfway in the OP.

They should have been playing with her and taking her mind off her being the only one left.
Not making it worse by letting her look out of the window, which no doubt would have upset her. Waiting is far worse for little ones.

I wouldn’t have been impressed, and I would deyspeak to the manager about their unprofessional conduct.

Ah, OP, I wish you weren't being made to feel like you have to give reasons for your childcare needs. How long or how often your dc is at nursery is not the point of your op (and nursery were bang out of order) so why people feel the need to comment on that is just bonkers. You do what you need to do, dc will be absolutely fine.

I'd honestly find somewhere else she will be with other kids and where there are not staff tapping their feet when you arrive on time. Perhaps a childminder with a young family? My first childminder had kids of her own who doted on DD1 when she was small and she was never unhappy to go there. Childminder was a nanny before she had her own kids and they were used to always having mindees.

At the end of the day, she's booked until 6.30pm and you pay until 6.30pm. Yes, she may be the last child collected, but someone has to be. It isn't appropriate for them to call unless she's ill, there's adverse weather conditions etc. that could cause problems for anyone getting home. I would suggest sending an email to the Manager, asking whether there is going to be an issue with fulfilling the full time on a Friday, as if so is a change of day possible. I would probably add "as i don't want to inconvenience your staff's weekend plans", but I can be a bit sarcastic and snarky with things like this 😂

15 years ago, my DD was often the last baby in the room because I just didn't get back until then. There was always someone chatting or playing with her though. When she was about 10 months old, I found her sat in the office on the managers knee, happily messing up her paperwork so that the other staff could close up the rooms. I suspect they are snarky because they know you're at home. It shouldn't make any difference though.

Mumsnet never fails to shock me 🤣🤣 the average working week for someone working full time is 37.5hrs. WFH has only become systematically available for most for the past 6 years and a lot of people can’t exclusively work from home (teachers, anyone who works in a hospital to name a few) - I also can’t understand how @N4ish and others are incredulous about children being in nursery this long - if everyone only did half days then the nursery wouldn’t be open those hours would they ?

I do think it’s such a shame that on a forum for parents we can’t all be a bit more understanding even if we haven’t been directly in the same shoes as others. Some of the comments on here

“10 hrs is such a long day for a child of that age”, “surely you can work when she’s asleep”
“I would defer my studies until my children were older”
“why have children to put them into childcare” -

would be controversial if the thread was actually about the benefits / negatives of putting your child in childcare but it’s not and the PPs know this - they clearly want to kick a mum down when she’s already said she’s feeling mum guilt. I’m sure this only ever happens online.
Perhaps I’m lucky but my friendship group is filled of women mid30s to early 40s - some who work full time, part time, flexi, wfh, in office and some SAHM and we all appreciate that whilst parenting looks different for all of us we all have our own “hard” and we’re able to support each other through that despite having different experiences.

as I’ve said before @CheekyTealFawn - you’re doing a great job. Wouldn’t throw baby out with bath water and pull her out of nursery just yet but definitely have a word and see what happens - it might just be a shock for them having to work their working hours if they haven’t before 🤣 but phone calls 9 mins before isn’t on

YANBU and you're doing a great bloody job of trying to better your life for you and your daughter. It isn't easy. I'd keep looking for alternative childcare. They'll probably do this every time.

Completely unacceptable from them. My husband does nursery pick up on a Friday and gets to the nursery straight from work 5 minutes before closing. If they ever said anything to us I’d be taking it as far as I could.

Having worked in a nursery for many years I can safely say if they are open until 6:30 they should absolutely not be calling you to collect early and waiting by the door with her dressed ready to go. This is very unprofessional and I would put an official complaint in through email so it’s on record.

from their side I would just let them know that this will be a regular pick up time due to your situation. However they are often only paid until 6:30 and no later. I’ve often had to stay on late for a late pick up and not given overtime / time off in lieu. I advised parents to make sure they arrive by 6:25 so a proper handover could be given. But I definitely wouldn’t be calling their parents and getting them ready in advance x

And some people have no choice because it’s that or no food.

Christ there are some horrible people on this thread.

i don’t have children but picked my nephew up from daycare regularly. A woman gave me a lecture once, telling me my sister was always there before 5pm and I was really very late - she was incredibly rude about it. My sister paid until 6pm, it was a quarter to six. She said my nephew was getting bored as his classmates had been picked up and they had had to entertain him

I didn’t have the parental guilt she was trying the take advantage of. I took out my phone, called up their opening hours and showed it to her. I explained that she was clearly confused about the opening hours of the business, and the contracts the parents entered into must not have been fully explained to her. I offered to speak to her manager to ensure she was adequately trained going forward. She was sulky but she got the message!

OP ignore the nonsense spouted by some on this thread. The behaviour of the nursery was rude and unprofessional.

Your childcare is paid up until 6.30 therefore you weren't late. The staff had no right to make you feel like you were just because they wanted to piss off home early. They're paid for those hours. It's sly of them to expect you to pick up your daughter early just because they don't want to work the full hours they're paid to do. You don't need to feel that kind of guilt. Plenty of parents work and have to use childcare to cover their hours before and after school. My own daughter is 9 and I have to use breakfast and after school clubs so some days she's in school from 7.30am right up until 6pm but without that childcare I can't work. You're using childcare to work and get an education it's nothing to feel guilt for

It doesn't matter if Open University is a mickey mouse degree or not, OP is paying for childcare and was even asked to pick a Friday by the nursery.
If pick up time needs to in reality be by 6pm on a Friday, this should be communicated and she should be charged accordingly.

Why does that sound like a sly dig? Was that intentional?

If nursery aren't 'on board' with children going there for the hours they state they are available then it is on them to change those hours.

Not ideal but maybe better to swap to another provider as likely they will (unless you pay enough to cover 2 staff wages) change their opening times, as it’s not financially viable for them.