Nursery teachers snarky comment

[CheekyTealFawn]

I’m livid, wondering whether to bring it up or just leave it if I’m overreacting.

DD is 2 yrs 9 month old, and just started nursery today. She’ll go 2 days per week, 7.30am-6.30pm.

I work two jobs (one evening and one Saturday per week), as I am studying 30 hours per week for my BA in English, which I do on my childcare days, in nap times, and every free evening I have. So, I could really use every minute of help I can get.

I dropped DD off at 8.30am no problems. When I go to pick her up, I get there at 6.20pm. I see I have two missed calls from the nursery. I ask why they called, worried, and the manager laughed and said “because we want to go home.” I was confused, and said “oh, I’m so sorry, I thought pick up was before 6.30?” And she pulled a face and said “yes, but it’s Friday and your daughter is the last one here, and she has been waiting and asking for you and wondering why she is the only one”

All of the staff had their hats and coats on waiting by the door when I arrived. DD was also sat by the door with her hat and coat on looking out the window waiting for me. it’s made me feel like the worst mum, and extremely embarrassed as I felt like the staff were all looking at and judging me. My daughter loved her first day, seems very happy there, but I don’t know whether to say something to the manager about it?

I understand it’s Friday and of course the staff want to go home, but I didn’t initially want Fridays, but they made me pick that day since it was quieter and we’re only part time, to make room for more full time children on the other days .

i don’t know what I’d say, and I don’t know if mum guilt at leaving my daughter there last is making me more sensitive, but now I’m anxious to leave her there until 6.20, even though I could really use it since I’m constantly playing catch up with my university work because I’m forever lagging behind due to not being able to afford enough childcare.

am I being sensitive? Should I say something? If so, what?

Id just say "working hours stated are til 6.30, I wasnt aware of the change, please ask your manager to contact me to update me"

The cheek!

To those who say its a long day for your daughter.....some people dont have that choice! I used to drop my eldest off wjen she was 1 at 7.30 and get her at 6, 3 days a week when I was a mainstream teacher. The mum guilt was insane. Luckily I was able to change jobs to a different school and hours shorter but please dont make mums feel guilty. my daughter has friends who did long hours at nursery/school nursery and school and they are all well rounded 12 year olds now!

It’s intimidating walking into a group of people who’s main intention is to make you feel uncomfortable. (HTH)

When I say revenge I don’t mean like kill bill revenge. More just to be annoying. I apologise for my use of confusing language. I forget how literal some may take it here!

I’m a bit bemused by the criticism you’re getting op. It’s not uncommon to read on Mumsnet about young children being in childcare full-time and posters generally don’t get the flack you’re getting - sometimes it can’t be helped. All the people saying how awful it is to the the last to be picked up are a bit mad imo - the staff could easily frame it as how lucky your DD is to have ALL of their attention in that last hour if they made the effort. Also, if you're paying (or if the state is paying) for care until 6.30, I’d expect it to be available until 6.30 whatever day of the week it is. Why wouldn’t you?

Child in nursery for 20-22h/week is bad parenting, but 40-45h/week is good parenting.

Who said that? Neither is bad. People have to use childcare, for differing lengths of times each day, to be able to work or study. It’s the society we live in. People have to work to be able to support their families. Childcare supports them to do that.

How is that different from any other job? If you have an office job that finishes at 5.30, that’s when you turn your computer off not when you actually walk out the door. Any faffing about putting your mug away, getting your stuff together, putting your coat on etc happens after that. So by your logic we’re all doing extra unpaid time every day.

Plus, in thirty years of working in different companies I’ve never actually turned my computer off at the exact time my contracted hours are supposed to end. It’s always later because I’m in the middle of a call or an email or a conversation, or some issue has come up. It’s not like some bell goes off and everything stops on the dot.

Was the same when I waitressed or worked in retail - the doors close at closing time THEN you get ready to leave. You don’t do it earlier and guilt any customers who arrive within opening hours because you want to knock off early.

It is not OP’s job to arrive before closing to let nursery staff get away early, nor is it on her that they earn minimum wage.

@itsallgonetomush

why isn’t it very “pleasant”? The child isn’t in a ditch , she’s in nursery, and OP has things that she needs to do.

I would be applying for new nurseries after that. That's extremely unprofessional. Who knows how long your child was neglected for on that Friday evening at nursery. She could have been there a while on her own bless her in her warm coat.

I don’t understand why they were all still there. Surely two to keep them in ratio and send the rest home! Yes I’m sympathetic, I’ve worked in a nursery and it’s a bloody long day, and not something I would ever do permanently for these reasons. I’ve seen the impact it has on young children, going from 8.30-6.30 is a long time without seeing your parents. (This is not a criticism, I know from experience!) I’d have the same mum guilt as you, she was asking after you, and it was confusing to her that she was the only one remaining, but you don’t know for how long that might have been. I suspect I change of policy maybe coming your way, 6pm
on a Friday etc. OP I totally understand so don’t be feeling bad, but I also understand their pov too. Plus depending on your area, the weather was pretty grim yesterday. No reason to take it out on you though and guilt trip you!
is there any way you can get extra funding for extra days because you’re a student?

urghhh all this internalised misogyny!! Bore off! Your archaic views are irrelevant.

OP didn’t ask for it, she asked whether the nursery staff were being inappropriate and unprofessional and they 100% were. OP is paying them for a service which they agreed to so they need to fulfil what was promised. End of.

Seems ridiculous to me, if the nursery is open till 6:30 and you are paying for care till that time, care should be available. If the staff are only paid till 6:30 on the dot, with no time allowed for anything such as tidying/locking up after the last child has left the building, that's their issue to take up with their employer, not your issue.

I know, I get that. But (to give an example) I used to work in a care setting where we provided care for people in their own homes and time slots were thirty minutes. Generally we went when the tasks were done (such as help the person get up, make them breakfast and a cup of tea, etc) but sometimes you’d get family who would insist on you staying the full time slot ‘because they’d paid for it’. And it was gruelling work as it was. As a result you end up with high staff turnover and no continuity.

Generally speaking I believe things work best when staff are treated well. I’m not suggesting the OP wasn’t but I think insisting on using the entirety of your hours for the sake of it is unfair both on your child and the staff.

If the nursery is open until 6:30, it is open until 6:30. Of course they want to get home, who doesn't at the end of the day? But that doesn't mean taking it out on people who are simply using the service until 6:30 as it states it is available until.

I would have a chat with the nursery manager, explain how happy your daughter is there etc but how unprofessional it was at the end of the day.

People lack so much imagination. They cannot fathom a world where someone’s life isn’t exactly the same as theirs and that people might need to make different choices than they might make themselves.

How wonderful for all these Super Parents who don’t work/ have family help with childcare/ finish work early enough so that their child isn’t last to be picked up from nursery. Well done them and how lovely that their children get to spend lots of extra time with their unimaginative, judgemental parents. I’m sure their parents attitudes to others will make them much nicer people than all those unlucky children who have to (horror of horrors) go to nursery to be cared for and looked after.

Reading some of these awful sexist comments I wonder if I’ve stepped back in time

I’d tell them that your daughter can either do 6:20 on a Thursday or 6:20 on a Friday then ask them to let you know, which one is more convenient and you’d be happy to change in order for them to get their early finish. I’d even be tempted to put it in writing to the owner/manager “Following our conversation on (insert date) regarding the staffs desire to finish early on a Friday, I am still able to do a Thursday as previously requested in order to accommodate this. Please let me know, which day you would prefer DD to do.” Or something along those lines.

I am a Nursery teacher and I am appalled reading this (and some of the responses here). Nothing you did was out of line. Everything they did was out of line.

Don’t feel bad about 2 long days at Nursery. Plenty of children do 5 long days! Also, your daughter is over 2. 2 days at nursery will be a great experience for her. Ignore the guilt tripping posters!

I am appalled they called you (twice!) before you were late and even more disgusted at the hats and coats. In my class if a child is last and the parents is late (actually late) I do everything I can to distract them from noticing this, as guess what? Children get quite upset if they notice! One of the support staff waits 10 minutes and then calls the parents (again, because they are actually late, but even then we give them 10 minutes grace!) In your daughter’s situation, I think fair enough if all but one adult was ready to go, but then essentially packing up Nursery and having her sitting there in her hat and coat would make my blood boil!

I would ask to meet with the manager and say, “I wanted to make you aware that I booked in these xday and Friday 7:30-6:30 because I need two full days of childcare. On Friday I received two phone calls asking me to pick up before 6:30, which wasn’t possible for me. If this is usual for a Friday I would like to know which other day you can offer to 6:30, as these are the hours I need.”

Although, I wouldn’t trust these staff. There are so many nurseries with really loving and caring staff that would be disgusted by what happened here. I wouldn’t withdraw her, but I’d start looking around.

If it’s a 6:30 finish, the staff are probably only paid until 6:30 and were ready and waiting for you to be able to leave at that time.
No problem in being ready and waiting. The comment was uncalled for.

It is. For one so young.

Some bonkers posts on here!

OP, Open Uni degrees are indeed demanding, which is why I bloody love employing people who’ve done them! It will definitely set you apart as someone who is tenacious, reliable, hard working and so on. You’re doing a fantastic job, ignore the bollocks on here!

I wonder, could you put her in for three slightly shorter days and then reclaim that time in the evenings?

There is a difference in ‘my shift ends at 6 and so the earliest I can get there is twenty past’ and ‘this is the only time I get to do an essay.’

One means you can only get there at twenty past: one does have a bit more flexibility.

I think the nursery are being really unprofessional. I used to work in a nursery and we used to take the last few children to the reception area for the last 10 minutes of the day, so we could shut down the rooms. We’d read stories or play games with them and we’d only phone a parent if they were 5 or more minutes late. It’s so cheeky to be calling you before 6:30pm when you are paying until then and your child was well and happy.
Also, ignore anyone who is slating you for your child’s first day being so long. If she was happy and settled, the day goes really quickly for them. It’s best to establish a routine from the beginning and early collections can confuse things. Of course if she was upset, then gradually increasing the day does work best, but there’s no need for a child who is perfectly happy. I’m not sure why some people want to add to the mum guilt you probably already feel, I think it says more about them than you.

Former nursery worker here. Yes, it is a very long day indeed for a young child. Some parents don't have any other option though, which I thought was OP's case. Apparantly you do not need to be in a physical place though so you could fetch her earlier. Also, your husband being in finance and you say you want to put money aside for activities for dd. Believe me, she would value not spending long days at nursery far more. You could pay for an extra half day and then get her early the two other days. That's what I would have done. Especially since the nursery staff don't sound very attuned to your child's wellbeing. You only get one childhood and that's something money can't buy or compensate for.

Revenge? Bloody hell - are you always this dramatic in your dealings with others?

Irony