Nursery teachers snarky comment

[CheekyTealFawn]

I’m livid, wondering whether to bring it up or just leave it if I’m overreacting.

DD is 2 yrs 9 month old, and just started nursery today. She’ll go 2 days per week, 7.30am-6.30pm.

I work two jobs (one evening and one Saturday per week), as I am studying 30 hours per week for my BA in English, which I do on my childcare days, in nap times, and every free evening I have. So, I could really use every minute of help I can get.

I dropped DD off at 8.30am no problems. When I go to pick her up, I get there at 6.20pm. I see I have two missed calls from the nursery. I ask why they called, worried, and the manager laughed and said “because we want to go home.” I was confused, and said “oh, I’m so sorry, I thought pick up was before 6.30?” And she pulled a face and said “yes, but it’s Friday and your daughter is the last one here, and she has been waiting and asking for you and wondering why she is the only one”

All of the staff had their hats and coats on waiting by the door when I arrived. DD was also sat by the door with her hat and coat on looking out the window waiting for me. it’s made me feel like the worst mum, and extremely embarrassed as I felt like the staff were all looking at and judging me. My daughter loved her first day, seems very happy there, but I don’t know whether to say something to the manager about it?

I understand it’s Friday and of course the staff want to go home, but I didn’t initially want Fridays, but they made me pick that day since it was quieter and we’re only part time, to make room for more full time children on the other days .

i don’t know what I’d say, and I don’t know if mum guilt at leaving my daughter there last is making me more sensitive, but now I’m anxious to leave her there until 6.20, even though I could really use it since I’m constantly playing catch up with my university work because I’m forever lagging behind due to not being able to afford enough childcare.

am I being sensitive? Should I say something? If so, what?

That’s an extremely long time to leave your dc at nursery & children do know when they’re the last one ne to go home. If there really is no other way / choice, then it must be so hard for both you and your dc.
The staff should not have spoken to you like that, but my heart goes to your dc who has been left there for so long.

you could have given your opinion without questioning her mental health.But you’ve did it again so it must just be your way of speaking to people.

I’m all open to opinions on whether I was being sensitive or if the nursery was out of order, but not open to be shamed on the childcare hours because I never asked for input on that.

Must be!🥲

I have read most of the thread and still feel that 6.30pm pick up is quite late for a young child. From what you've said you are using these childcare hours to study- very commendable- but if it was me I would pick my child up by 6pm latest so I can take her home and have time to cook dinner etc. My almost 3 year old is usually asleep by 7pm latest. Does an extra 30 minutes really make that much of a difference to your studies?

Honestly ignore all the arsehole misogynists who are criticising your choices.

It’s not an unusual amount of time for a child to be at a nursery, if people are working a full time job plus a commute they’ll be unavailable 8-6.

I don’t think I am better than them at all.

But the fact is, just because you’ve paid until X time doesn’t mean you pick up then unless you’re trying to make some sort of point. And is that point one you want to make?

You are doing well OP. Hats off to you for working through OU courses, they are so time consuming, at the same time as bringing up your DD. I speak from experience.

I'd report it to the owner/manager. The staff were rude, lazy and insensitive. Possibly ripping off the owner too if they ring all the parents to get the children so they can go home whilst getting paid till 6.30

I feel a bit confused - the OP has an important assignment to finish, has to fit in 30 hours of study in a week hence the long nursery days and yet is wasting over 3 hours of what could be valuable study time posting on Mumsnet in the early hours!

No, I pick her up once my work is finished. Whether that’s at 5 or 6 or 6.20, I was directly responding to you suggesting that I was being harsh to the nursery staff by picking her up within the allotted paid for hours

The ‘point OP is making’ is that she only has access to 30 hours a week and needs to both work and study for a degree in that time.

@CheekyTealFawn if your DH is working long hours in finance - can you afford some extra days at nursery rather than just the 30 free hours?

This would make your schedule all a bit less intense for you too.

I’m currently on the train to work, as mentioned I’ve got a job on a Saturday! I’d also studied and worked on my assignment from 8.50am-6pm, then again from 8.30pm-11.30pm, and I was mentally tapped out but couldn’t sleep

He’s at the very start of his career so we are struggling a bit for cash. We like to keep abit extra as then we can afford activities for DD on the days we’re together

Tell them you need to work until 6.20, and if they dont like that on Fridays, they need to offer you Thursdays.

There's always one.

Literally nobody EVER asks fathers why they have kids if they are at work all day. It’s just assumed it’s fine to ‘outsource’ childcare to a woman.

I don’t want to derail OP but I just want to give some solidarity. I had to put a 3 month old baby in nursery for long days. I studied a bachelor’s and then a postgraduate alongside my then crappy job. By the time I’d completed that my youngest was at school and I had to put her in wraparound care 8-6pm.

I applied for a job that required a mix of on the job training and more uni which amounted another degree. The drive to work was an hour each way. I cannot tell you how many people told me, “if that was me I’d have deferred” or “I could never do that to MY child. What’s the point in having kids?” Blah blah blah.

Well I completed it last June, increased my salary by £12,000 per year as a starting salary with 6 monthly increases. I negotiated two days working from home once qualified. I Inspired my eldest child to follow my career path and my youngest child, the one who had to do long hours in childcare is in top sets for all her subjects and is a well behaved, well adjusted, happy little girl. I’m sure you do lots of lovely things with her at weekends, holidays and evenings like I did.

If I had let the criticisms of people who don’t pay my bills and I wouldn’t go to for advice, affect my life choices, our family wouldn’t be where we are today. Keep going! And definitely stand your ground with the nursery. They either work until the time you’ve paid for or they can give you a discount the cheeky F’s!

3 hours on mums net like I sit refreshing it 😂

Only read your updates rather than full thread which suggest you've been given a hard time, which is rubbish. I read how you'd worked out your week, then saw partner takes the reigns on Sat, and just thought what an amazing partnership and brilliantly thought out set up to let you get all you need to done, including plenty of time with your child! Mine have always gone to nursery 8-5.45 since they were one, four days a week, as we both work weekdays so just some additional reassurance for you. I ignore any discourse I see online re how this is terrible for them because I look at my kids and they're fine. Onto the original issue! I agree with previous posters the worst bit was making your daughter essentially feel mum was running late! We've been so lucky with our nursery I am always so sad to hear such things. Once for my nursery I got stuck on the motorway and I knew I'd not make it in time for 6 and I rang them in advance to advise it would be 605 and apologised. I got there...not only were they happily still playing with my child they also very very kindly didn't charge me (it really was a once off) and made me feel BETTER about the whole thing!!! So I'm so sorry yours weren't like that. I agree with someone's suggestion you've already responded to just gently reiterating your hours and suggesting a different day again if that'd be better and also quietly searching in background for other nurseries. You're doing amazingly!

Well - we can back and forth on this forever and obviously you think you’re good which is all that matters really. I think when work is flexible I’d prioritise getting there by 530/6.

I do know what you mean as my ds does an after school club on a day I don’t work so he is in school until 430. I always feel a bit guilty as I could pick him up at 330 but it’s good for him and in his interests and it’s an external provider so it is supporting a business too (see how I justify it!)

I think the relationship you have with nursery or school ideally should be a positive one and based on mutual respect. I totally agree they fell short of it in how they approached this issue but I just think it is worth considering how to meet halfway rather than being mulish about it for the sake of it (I’m not suggesting you are, just that the whole ‘well that’s what I’ve paid for so I’m using it’ smacks of that for me.)

I think I would get her name on the waiting lists for other settings, but I would also ask them whether they have many children staying to the end.

I know people say the staff should be entertaining and distracting your DD right til the end, but she will notice she is the only one left and it's whether you can cope with justifying this to her if this continues as she gets older and gets upset about always being last. There are some children that do have to go after school club and breakfast club every day due to parents working, and it is hard on them. Some will cope better than others but there will be some that will cry (throughout the day too at the thought of it) and say to teachers/staff things like I always have to go after school club, I don't want to go, I'm tired. Obviously staff try to jolly them along and distract, but you mention the option of 3 shorter days which I think I would go with over the long days.

You really can't do any of it when your daughter is there? When she sleeps? When she's playing etc??
I have 4 kids and I don't remember on days I spent with them spending absolutely all of their waking hours doing thing with them constantly.

It's not like you can write 1075 words, stop, make tea, write 1028 words while the pasta is cooking, feed kids, write 753 words while they're on the loo. It needs dedicated thinking and focusing time.

The fact this needs pointing out probably explains why some people have no idea about how to write something informed and coherent...

It genuinely blows my mind how some people think that parents do this out of choice.

It’s not what OP was asking. Mum shaming is not appropriate.

OP - please don’t feel like you have to justify. Some people will just never understand the juggle.