To find it hard to care about men's issues

[Parsleyforme]

Men's cancer, diseases and suicide I do care about, but I am really struggling to care about the other modern problems of modern men.

My brother says that the modern men of today are very confused about who they should be and how they should act and that is giving them all identity crises and/or midlife crises, depending on their ages. Things like they get told that men as a whole are bad, they don't know who they are as a man anymore, they don't know how much they should show their feelings, they feel guilt even if they're a good man, they don't know what they're supposed to bring to relationships anymore etc. etc.

I'm finding it quite hard work enough to be a woman without having to worry about or really hear about men's issues as well. And I'm actually quite frustrated that I'm being expected to provide a understanding and sympathetic ear. I went to a girl's school and when I left Barbieland I had to pretty quickly catch on that lotss of men are creeps and women aren't actually at the top of any industry or even their own relationships. It actually angers me a bit that I'm expected to feel something for the men who are feeling unsettled when all we've really managed is to get them to stop wolf-whistling at us or sacking us if we get pregnant.

AIBU to feel like this? WIBU to say I don't really have the bandwidth (read:patience) for this and maybe he should talk to some men who can empathise rather than a woman?

https://www.standard.co.uk/lifestyle/gender-disappointment-reveal-boy-toxic-masculinity-b1242719.html

@Parsleyforme I have an issue with the whole narrative about male suicides.

I want to see figure on male suicides that do not include the murder suicides and the arrested for child sexual abuse suicides before I can start to care about that

Oh, sorry-I thought you meant there was evidence. Not a hack article. You talked about women detesting their sons, not a slight reset of generations of disappointment at the birth of a girl.

That's because some women want daughters particularly. There are complex reasons for this, which are rarely about an aversion to boys, and more about the desire for a child of one's own sex. Men feel this too about sons. The 'devastation' spoken of is about not having a daughter, not about having a son. It's an important nuance.
Also, taking threads about a particular subject is a very flawed barometer of public opinion. There is no strong evidence that a majority of women are devastated not to have daughters. And less if any that this translates to unfavourable treatment of any sons they have.
My own view is that people desperately wanting a same sex child will sometimes behave disfavourably to that child, seeing them as a 'do over' of themselves and having very restrictive expectations on the child, whereas an opposite sex child will be allowed to develop as an individual.
Regardless some women not wanting sons isn't going to change a man's world anytime soon.

I find it all a little bit self indulgent to be honest, I honestly don’t understand all this navel gazing “what it means to be a man” stuff. Just don’t be a creep, don’t wolf whistle 14 year old girls walking home from school, don’t think a woman owes you anything because you bought her a gin & tonic.
My OH is one of 4 boys who all have grown up into really lovely men and I do think a lot of it is from having a great dad who treated their mum well and modelled that behaviour. I’d probably say that they are all have what you would call quite stereotypical male interests, but it doesn’t mean they have to be leery, alcoholic neanderthals to be very masculine men. OH will go the match with his brother and enjoys a pint, but best believe he’s up next morning cleaning or helping with the kids, getting washing sorted etc.
P.S also heavy on the leaving Barbieland comment OP. Also went to an all girls school and loved it and was brought crashing down to reality when I left.

And me. I care about those I know and care about, if they have a real problem I don’t care about “whiny/poor me” people, that I don’t know, banging on about trivia.

Regardless of gender.

What are you doing with him then? 🤷

That's ridiculous. If the number of men arrested for CA or who had murdered someone was aby way responsible for the massive levels of suicide in men, we would have a lot more murder-suicides. They would be happening every day. Same with CA. Evrry day, every single police force would be out arresting tens of men for CA and a couple of them would kill themselves as a result.

Men kill themselves because they are very unhappy and often mentally ill without treatment.

YABU. I absolutely do care because I’m married to a man and I’m the mother of two young men, all of whom find life hard going in different ways from time to time. And I have male friends and other male relatives - why wouldn’t I care about them? I can care about this and about women’s issues as well - my brain can hold more than one set of thoughts / concerns at any one time.

Thats the thing. Women stay with a man who makes them hate all men and then treat little boys like shit as a result.

No itd because they think negatively about men and boys. The resarch is quite conclusive. There is reserch all over the internet about how preference for sex has been a global divide with people in the East preferring a boy and those in the West preferring a girl. Interrstingly, migration seems to follow this line. So a Chinese couple in the UK will likely adopt a preference for a female baby in alignment British natives. They start to believe the same harmful things about girls beimg smarter and nicer than boys.

I disagree my son has stronger friendship groups than my daughter has ever had.
They have ups they have downs but they get along generally speaking and they genuinely care about each other’s well-being.
They are well versed on mental health and physical health and the effects on the individual of both

However, without the 'knowledge worker' jobs, what is the alternative? All I see touted is that young people should consider 'traditional' jobs such as trades....so, those ones like construction where physical differences can really make a difference. And yes, I know some women can do those jobs as well. Others not so easy due to pregnancy, childbirth issues, etc. but also so much equipment and tools is just not made for women's bodies. There was even the case a few years back about the woman bus driver who had to quit as she couldn't operate the new bus that had been designed on a different scale.

So, my concern is that women will be competing with men for the few knowledge jobs that are left as well as the traditional women's jobs: teaching, nursing, etc. (which will be likely be paid even less due to a flood of people wanting those jobs) and then men will have a lot of physical jobs available to them, which they will guard carefully

There is plenty of evidence. That is just an article about the issue. Look on google scholar and you will find it. By next year, there will be even more reviews that confirm Western women prefer female babies.

Do you ever think about what it means to be a woman?

men are expecting women to care because they are used to women being the ones to get stuck in to sorting social issues.

Men’s problems has been on the main created by men, and while women could put in the labour to fix this, a generation of women have stepped back and said “you fix it”.

Eg mens spaces like pubs closing down have happened because men changed their spending habits, it was men who were their main customers. Men changed how they spent their money /free time and haven’t come up with a healthier alternative. (often men changed their habits based on changes to things like - bosses no longer tolerating lunchtime drinking, tightened rules about drink driving making one or two pints after work before driving home or on the way home no longer being an option- but these changes have been brought in by men in positions of power.)

@Parsleyformei would always turn it round on your brother, what is he doing to fix this? How is he getting involved with his community problem? Do not give him suggestions though.

I disagree. There is research that shows that of those stating a preference its the desire for a girl that is the driver not an aversion to boys. There is also no evidence to suggest that there is a pattern of this translating into unfavourable outcomes for male people.
If we are to be 'seriously worried', we should be presented with evidence that a significant majority of women actively do not want sons, when they have sons those children are raised unfavourably, and that this translates to a pattern of harm for men.
Without this, it looks like just another example of scratching around to find a way to blame women for men problems, while conveniently overlooking the real issues. Which is not very helpful to men. Because while you're off down these blind alleys, you're doing nothing to about the real causes.

Not particularly until specific challenges are directly affecting me and then I aim to overcome them one at a time.
That seems to work well for most people

There are millions of issues one might care about. Obviously not unreasonable to not particularly care about this one.

I think its a question I think about often for different reasons. We recently had a supreme court ruling that I think prompted a lot of people to consider that at a very literal level.

This too. I know a hell of a lot of 'poor me' women, and it is every bit as annoying.

If you believe girls are easier/nicer/whateverer, then you believe boys are harder/not as nice/not as whatever. Western women think badly of men so do not want boys. Simple as that.

Yes I don’t get people screaming for equality and then judging people simply because of their gender. We’re all just humans capable of the best and the worst be we male or female .

What's the saying? To those accustomed to privilege, equality feels like oppression.

Trying to think of circumstances under which it would be unseasonable.

I guess if you are the sort of person who feels affronted if others don’t care about the issues you do, it would be a bit hypocritical.

If someone you have some duty to support is distressed by this, it’s a good thing to be empathetic.

Other than that — care or don’t care about what you like. There are plenty of horrors in the world to be worried about, we can’t all care about everything.