To find it hard to care about men's issues

[Parsleyforme]

Men's cancer, diseases and suicide I do care about, but I am really struggling to care about the other modern problems of modern men.

My brother says that the modern men of today are very confused about who they should be and how they should act and that is giving them all identity crises and/or midlife crises, depending on their ages. Things like they get told that men as a whole are bad, they don't know who they are as a man anymore, they don't know how much they should show their feelings, they feel guilt even if they're a good man, they don't know what they're supposed to bring to relationships anymore etc. etc.

I'm finding it quite hard work enough to be a woman without having to worry about or really hear about men's issues as well. And I'm actually quite frustrated that I'm being expected to provide a understanding and sympathetic ear. I went to a girl's school and when I left Barbieland I had to pretty quickly catch on that lotss of men are creeps and women aren't actually at the top of any industry or even their own relationships. It actually angers me a bit that I'm expected to feel something for the men who are feeling unsettled when all we've really managed is to get them to stop wolf-whistling at us or sacking us if we get pregnant.

AIBU to feel like this? WIBU to say I don't really have the bandwidth (read:patience) for this and maybe he should talk to some men who can empathise rather than a woman?

Yep, absolutely this. Men are not some homogenous group. Some show great consideration for women, and others in general. Some are selfish arses who just want to be mummied.
Just as some women are fantastic advocates, and some perpetuate men's learned helplessness. Of course the men remain ultimately to blame for their actions, but some women are quite frustrating.

I fundraise for International Men's Day (which no men I know had ever heard of) and men definitely don’t get enough support for some serious issues (such as DV and SA). But the narrative of “women have it easier now and that’s hard for men because they don’t know their place” I find really frustrating

Who is teaching them that? Really? How about society? Even on mumsnet boys are considered bad, take a look at the gender disappointment threads, boys are viewed negatively even before they are born!

I have sons, brothers, a father, male colleagues, and I mostly see men reaping what they sow and find it frustrating to watch.

There is plenty of info out there to do better without getting sucked into the likes of Tate.

Women talk all the time now about how men can be better partners, husbands, fathers and friends, but men generally don’t listen (perhaps because they are women?). Those who do listen fall into one of two categories - the genuinely decent men or the men using an opportunity to prey on women.

Parents have limited input on their sons once they go to high school and independently form friendships. I know too many parents who feel they’ve raised their sons right and they unexpectedly go off the rails at 14+.

The truly awful thing is that the world is set up by men and for men, and they’re failing at it. Women are proving to be more adaptable and are often outperforming men in most areas that don’t require brute strength, and I think men know this. They don’t seem able to adapt to this though and seem bitter and emasculated.

Andy’s Man Club - an organisation for men that’s largely facilitated by women. They can’t even do that on their own. Pathetic. Reliant on women but simultaneously pissed off at them.

So yeah, men, not a fan.

Well it certainly sounds that way if you deliberately select the most serious men's issue and compare it to wolf whistling.
However if we take the issue of men 'no longer understanding their role' the example in the OP, and compare it to the stats for rape and femicide, then things look rather different, don't they?

I care about my husband and sons.

So much so that they are left to die, or are aborted if found to be bold.

No didn't think so..

Not like girls then

More women than men attempt suicide. Try again.

I care about issues that affect all decent people. I definitely don’t think it’s easy being a man. There is very little outlet for anything and it’s so normalised as a man to not seek support.

I’m involved in 2 support networks, one as a sober person and the other as someone living with cancer. Of the 100+ people I’ve met through both of those communities, I’ve met 1 man who turned up seeking support. Thankfully, he had the personality to take it in his stride that he was the only man amongst us. I keep thinking how much I’ve benefited from both of these groups. Where are all the men? They must be out there just shouldering through hanging onto their jobs and living with a disease that’s likely going to kill them, with no one to talk to.

Beyond that, I don’t find it particularly hard being a woman. On the contrary, I went to an all girls school and felt like it equipped me with a lot of confidence and resilience for navigating the big wide world. I’ve had a lot more options in life as a woman that I don’t think my Dh has had as a man. I can be a lot more things, try on different roles, pop in and out of work and caregiving without anyone raising an eyebrow. I think that’s made my life certainly easier than his. And I had a lot more support while I did it.

I care about all people.

Surely good men know they are good men so no need to feel guilty or sad. The rest could consider improving.

Do all good women know they are?

I’d feel a lot more sympathy for men if they focused on finding solutions to the issues they say they are experiencing, rather than blaming others. I think this response nails it.

Is your brother Andrew Tate? That's his persistant and irritating whine isn't it?

I imagine both sexes have a sense of whether they are a good person or a bit of a shit bag.

He’s your brother, trying to talk to you, his sister, not just a random man!
I find your scathing attitude quite toxic - feels like a race to the bottom where man aren’t allowed to have issues too.

There is a wide spectrum of attempts though,
from taking 5 paracetamol to far more serious. A lot never mean to actually end their lives. Women are far less likely to use violent methods with a more guaranteed outcome and so the statistics for actual deaths from suicide are more important and need to be recognised as such.

I like to think I treat everyone as an individual. The problem for a lot of men is they've been brought up to think they're superior to women and when they encounter the real world they find they're not.
I brought up a daughter and a son. My DD is a very bright intelligent woman and my DS is equally bright and appreciates his sister and me. As a man he is also very respectful to his partner and values her intelligence and abilities.
It's easy for less able men to blame women for their own shortcomings although I do think men like this are a minority. They had it too good for far too long.

Oh well that makes it ok then 🙄

If only men had control of the resources which could be allocated to help or access to social media so they could raise awareness and support each other. Oh wait.....

If men won't take these issues seriously what do you expect women to do about it. Perhaps if they were less interested in porn, the red pill manosphere and playing the victim they might be able to do something productive about it.

You can bet that if women had the kind of political power that men do we'd have better gynae and maternity care.

I care about men’s issues, because I care about people. And have worked for a lot of my life in areas where men are over represented. Like offending. Because I enjoy helping and the work is great for me.

I will not entertain the idea that men’s issues are somehow the fault of, and the responsibility of, women. That gets to Straight Pride and White Lives Matter levels of stupid. Men are lonely because they choose to prioritise things that aren’t social. They don’t typically make friends as adults. They often rely on their female partners to do all the heavy lifting (gifts, invitations, hosting, calling etc.) and then complain if they don’t have a woman to do it for them. They use football or cycling in lieu of emotional and meaningful conversation. They don’t go to the doctor. That’s not women’s issue to solve.

They could decide to change that. Many men are changing that. We’re going for a walk/coffee with DH’s new gym buddy and his DH soon. But would a lot of straight, adult men make friends with a gay bloke in the gym? No, they wouldn’t. DH buys his own family gifts and goes to the doctor when he needs to. DH also doesn’t do things like I’ve seen on SM with mean little vignettes about how shit women are, how crap it is to have girls not boys, how feminists are shit, how we should all shut up and make a sandwich/give them a BJ.

DD won’t touch the straight teen boys in her school with a bargepole because many of them are already in that awful space of toxic masculinity. Which is terrible for them, her, and society. It’s so sad to see another generation.

Have you heard of the Dunning-Kruger effect at all?

No, I don't care about adult men's issues.

Women are being quite clear about what is necessary to be seen as a suitable partner and parent. If men WANT those things, they need to give more. And I am not for a second talking about money. Because women, on the whole, are quite happy to go it alone if men don't shape up.

I DO care about boys. I want us to do as much as we can to help the next generation or two be better to even things up.

But adult men? They're ADULTS and I didn't see many of them helping women towards equality. They're reaping what they sowed, being sexist, selfish and obsessed with their cocks.

No not heard of that.

The former is what men do to themselves = important.
The latter is what they do to women = not so much.

All of this is down the men's behaviour. They don't have to do any of it.
Their choice.
Yet it's the women who suffer.